Soul sister

@Former-Member heading to the beach with Toby for a while - too nice an evening to stay in. Back in a couple of hours xxx

Hi Big sis @Zoe7

I didn't end up going down my parents were sick, so decided not to go down I will see them tomorrow for Christmas and my mum is coming back with me for a few days.

I wish you could come to Hawaii with me, it would be so much fun, your Dr sounds lovely.

I also played basketball too and I loved it just with my mates, when I was living in Nth Qld I was asked to play for the team in Townsville (Fire). Just as the point guard, I am not that tall just a little bit tall. Growing up played all the sports really, I loved playing cricket in the front yard and soccer.

I think you asked the other day how I fill my days, I just try to plan some activties every second day so I don't get overwhelmed and that way I can just go with the flow too and some flexibility in what I do. I tend to walk every day with Kira and I am planning on doing masters swimming in the new year, and this will be three nights a week.Surfing is so much fun and I love being in the water. I never really had a fear of sharks I don't think of them while in the water perhaps just a little.

I love the Orchard and I will have to get one too 🙂

Sending you peace and love @Zoe7

Evening Lil sis @Former-Member

Sorry to hear your parents are sick - just a bug? Glad your mum is coming to keep you and Kira company for a few days.

I'm already dreaming of the sun and beaches etc. in Hawaii - so wish I could come too!!!!

Had my necklace (GP gave me) on today when I went to the beach. My sister rang so I picked her and her dog upon the way and took them too. She commented that I had a new necklace (nice that she noticed) and then asked where I got it. Told her it was a chrissy present and left it at that. So of course she had to ask who gave it to me - didn't want to tell her 'cos new what her reaction would be. She just said 'boundaries' (which probably is relevant) but all I thought was 'why can't she just say - isn't that nice' or something along those lines). Why is it that when someone does something really nice for someone that it has to be an issue! (Definitely wasn't going to tell her she gave me her phone no. also for when she was away - just in case - and she is going to ring me each week to see how I am going, I've already hidden the christmas card she gave me so no-one sees it tomorrow - don't need the negativity! I do understand where she is coming from but she doesn't get that sometimes people just get along - no matter what their 'relationship' is.

I actually feel totally blessed that as a result of my MI and other issues 2 amazing people have entered my life - that I would never have known otherwise - and not only supported me but allowed me to be ME - with no judgement, no history, only acceptance - and who actually care about me! (Just in case you were wondering - you are the other person)

My fear of sharks doesn't come from being in the water. When I was really little my sister picked up a small (dead) one on the beach and threw it at me - didn't like them much after that. My fear really is also a trigger. When I was younger - in one of those abusive incidents - I have a strong memory of Jaws being on in the background. Never really been able to look at sharks in any way but negatively since.

You must have been pretty damn good at basketball. I was a point guard also - really short (about 162cm). Hard to find clothes tofit my short legs - have to take up nearly every hem - sometimes I can get 3/4 leg pants that fit perfectly LOL.

You need to go to Bunnings (if you have one close) - got orchard and pot from there. Love Bunnings - is my favourite shop - could spend all day (and all my money there). I love creating stuff - gardens, woodcraft, mosaics etc. Have done all my own renovations and pretty much taught myself all my life to do things independently - mostly out of need and necessity!

I need to start planning my days a bit better. Starting to get a bit more energy and motivation but still struggling with the anxiety of being around too many people. Going to the beach at least twice a week is my only plan at the moment. It has really become my safe and happy place. In psych sessions when I get really distressed and need to become grounded again I think of Toby running along the beach.

I'm now going to start saving for Hawaii !!!

Hi sis @Zoe7

Thanks for your message

Both are sick- I think combination of things and I was feeling a bit tired so I thought I would just relax at home.

The beaches are beautiful in Hawaii and so looking forward to getting away and it gives me something to look forward to too.

I am glad I have been able to make you feel comfortable and it makes happy that you feel comfortable with me and vise versa. I am glad you have such a supportive GP.. How old is she? The most person in the relationship you have with your Gp is you and she is there to help and support you. I had wonderful specialist who was basically there for me whenever I needed him, and that was not that often, he was soft place for me to fall.

I hear you about your fear around sharks and I understand why the link/connection is there. I am so sorry for what happen to you and I wish I could say something so that it wouldn't affect you anymore. You need to raise above the negative feelings for you and hopefully by talking that wil help with this process.

On boxing day I am doing my volunteer work, I volunteer at the local wildlife park (Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary). I have only just finished my course, I did a course so I could volunteer there - I had my first shift last Monday. On the 27th I will go to Bunnings and check out the plants and pots and I will get one too.

I so wish you could to Hawaii with me, I am going with family - my brother and sister in law. I wish I had a friend coming with me too. I am hoping to go horse riding and quad biking and few other things too.

What did you have for dinner sis?

Hi sis @Former-Member

Haven't had anything to eat tonight. Really just forgot after going to the beach and washing the fluffball (drowned rat!). Too late to eat now - have to wait until tomorrow.

I know how important to me the relationship between my GP and I has been, and will continue to be for some time. In any other circumstance I am sure that I would actually have made a 'true friend'. We just have so much in common and think so much alike. I'm sure she books me in more than absolutely necessary just to chat (and always an extended appointment) and bulk bills too. She's our age - well closer to you - 42. She moved down here last year from Sydney but has worked all over Australia - and other parts of the world. She was in the Navy for several years.

On Boxing day i have lunch again with the family - is my mother's 70th birthday so we are going somewhere nice on the waterfront.

Working at the wildlife park sounds awesome. I was going to do some volunteer workwith the RSPCA but work and LIFE just got in the way. I do donate regularly though - can't stand the thought of animals being harmed!!!

I know you would fix everything for me if you could It is a long, slow process - so much to deal with. I wish I had never started unlocking all of it but I can see I am making some progress - however small and (as I have told you before) you being around and being so wonderfully supportive and caring has made so much difference to how I feel. Just knowing I am not alone means everything. Have spent all my life being alone and at times being lonely - now I no longer feel either.

Hope your parents are ok tomorrow. How are you doing tonight - still tired?

Hi sis @Zoe7

You should try to have some toast before bed or something light.

I am not tired now and I think I could have slept through the night but I got up to give Kira her dinner and I made some dinner for myself. I just had crumb chicken and baked veggies- I made Kira the same.

I have similar relationship with my GP but she is a bit older then me she is 50. I don't see her as much now though, and tried to make a life outside of her. When I was living in Nth Qld we stayed in touch and that way I didn't need to see a Dr up there unless it was an emergency.

Enjoy your boxing day lunch with family it sounds lovely.

I have not long got off the phone to my mum and she sounds has though she is getting a cold, my mum has COPD (chronic lung disease). So I worry about her a lot, and I care about her so much too. Its almost Christmas in Tassie.

I am not looking forward to getting on the M1 tomorrow down to Tweed Heads- I think I will leave around 11ish. I wish we could share a drink to take in Christmas.

Hi sis @Former-Member

Just had a banana! I'm a good girl!! Wish I'd had your dinner - sounds fantastic.Toby had his normal canned food and dry bikkies for dinner - not the cheap supermarket stuff though - only the best for my baby!

So your GP is closer to my age then!!! Your relationship seems tobe similar to mine with GP. I am hoping one day I will be able to form other relationships similar to the one I have with her but atm I am actually finding some happiness through our interactions (that aren't medically orientated).

I'm really sorry tohear about your mum.Getting a cold could be quite serious for her then.Hope she is ok. It's so lovely that you worry and care about your mum so much - it'sa very special relationship when you are close. Does your dad look after her well?

MERRY CHRISTMAS (in Tassie). Santa hasn't arrived yet - must be running late with all my presents to carry on his sleigh!!!!

Make sure you take every safety precaution tomorrow - need my little sis to be safe (Does that sound like an annoying big sister or what!) If you leave at 11 then that will be midday here and my family will be just about to turn up - cool can chat in morning also.

Even though we can't share a christmas drink in person I will have one here and be thinking of you (will be non-alcoholic because I don't drink alcohol) - probably be a red bull - one of my vices.

Hi @Zoe7

Thats good re Banana - it will help with sleep.

Kira is a food monster loves food eats everything I think she should have been a Labrador, and she never puts on a ounce of weight. I mix Kira's meals a bit she only has dry food mainly for her teeth (she dry food about twice a week with meat I cook for her). I feed her well, she is a happy & healthy dog.

Its great that you feel so comfortable with her and that you get on so well.

I will be driving slowly and I am quite a good driver so you don't need to worry. I am just not looking forward if there is going to be hold ups on the motorway tomorrow but I think boxing day is going to be worse still. Thanks for staying up not long to go now.

My mum has been really unwell since 09 when she had a severe infection (super bug) and it really affected her and it took her 12 months to recovery from that or if not longer.In some ways she has not completely recovered it has affected her voice from the pneumonia. My Dad looks after her well.

I actually don't drink either it very rare that I drink- I'll have a lemon and lime bitter. Be careful with the red bulls its not good for anxiety.

Yes MUM!!! Easy on the red bull - not good for anxiety - got it!!!!!!!

Think I've already told you - be weird if I hadn't - but tell you again just in case - my depression this time was partly as a result of having both Influenza A and B about 4 months ago and post viral fatigue. The inability to do ANYTHING meant I couldn't take my mind off my own thoughts and I spiralled down deeper and deeper. The last blood tests for Influenza still showed some of the B strain. This weeks results were much better and nearly completely back to normal but the post viral fatigue has really affected by physical health and mobility also. So I understand how long it can take to recover from that type of illness - it's totally debilitating. Even if I hadn't slipped down the long hole mentally I would still not be able to work physically - both together just makes recovery even longer.

You have actually inspired me to start working slowly on regaining some physical strength - one day at a time - bit by bit - and planning ahead where possible (this one might be a little harder to achieve but I'm going to try really hard).

i didn't think anyone could spoil their fur baby more than me but I think I've met my match with you and Kira - lucky little puppy dog!! It's amazing how much we treat our fur babies as our own kids when we don't have any 'real' children - horrible little critters anyway - they just grow up, leave home (or worse don't leave) cost more and more the older they get and don't want hugs from mummy anymore 'cos they're too cool!

Not long to go - christmas drink ready - blackcurrant juice NOT red bull!

15 mins to go @Former-Member