Soul sister

oh little sis -I do know that in my head but felt I needed to delete some of it anyway.

I am glad that you know a little more - never told anyone other than GP and psychologist (and only really in writing) as much all at once as I did you guys today - think it might have affected me more than I want to admit.

I know you aren't physically in front of me but think I would have told you even more if you were. Even though it has made me a little down - I think it is also a really positive step - I'm actually trusting someone that I don't even know!!!! (and I really don't trust anyone in my life other than my GP and psych). Same as you -don't know why, and don't care - but I just do (and that is a pretty good feeling).

Love having you in my life @Former-Member

I just cried for the first time in months and months - thankyou - mostly tears of belonging, happiness and some relief xxxx

It doesn't matter you deleted the messages sis @Zoe7 I think I can understand why. Btw I don't mean to be nosey about your history- I accept you for who you are- I hope that reassures you

I am glad I have given you some peace of mind & hopefully some comfort too. In the past I have only really had my GP and specialist Drs. I have been inpatient in hospital the last two years and the first year I spend 8 weeks in hospital and last year only three weeks and this year I have not been in hospital this year. The hospital I went into is a bit different to the regular private clinic- its quite specialized clinic and its the only one in Australia- it really helped me immensely.

Thank you for trusting us to share some of your story with us, I feel really honoured and privileged too. I truly love having you in my life too. I just wish I could do more to help you, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

Just remember you are precious and worthwhile and remember to nurture that little girl inside too .

Hi sis @Former-Member

Still up - but only just!

I don't see you as nosey at all! And I have never once felt anything but acceptance from you

I am so glad that we now have each other too. I don't think you really understand how much you have already done for me - you are so special!

Doesn't matter when or how long you have been in hospital as long as it helps.

What kind of clinic is it?

Sorry sis - I'm absolutely exhausted - need to crash - been a long day (and night)! Check back with you in the morning. Hope you get some sleep tonight.

your big sis xxx

Hi big sis @Zoe7

I am still awake too, I hope you sleep tight

It makes me happy that you are comfortable with me

It was a little hospital in Sydney, and its a private mental health facility that treats a variety of conditions (depression, anxiety, PTSD, self esteem, codependency, gambling etc) but uses the Pia Mellody model. This hospital has recently had a redevelopment, I think its a little bigger now. I like it because it was a small hospital, and only had around 38 beds, and I think now it just has over 50 beds. I may even go back down this year for some respite.

When I went in, my depression was affecting me, and I was quite burnt out, and this hospital was able to get me back on my feet, and I am slowly recovering. I am hoping to continue to make inroads into becoming better, and to heal from the inside out. I am getting back to my old self, and spark is coming back.

Morning little sis @Former-Member

I actually got about 7 hours sleep - still feeling a little flat but the sun is shining and it is a new day!

That hospital sounds interesting - was checking out the methods (online of course).

Glad it has helped you in the past and if you need some respite this year go back!

I think you are doing a remarkable job getting back on your feet (however slowly - it doesn't matter). You have been through so much - especially in the last few months and I personally am grateful that you are the wonderful, caring person you are or I would not have found you! Has made my year

Every day I chat to you I sense a little more hope and a little more 'life'. You wrote the other night about me do amazing things next year - I believe that also applies to you.

I haven't asked over the last few days asked how you are doing after the memorial last week? I know nothing can replace someone special you have lost but I do hope I am helping to ease the pain by being around for you.

You mentioned that you did a lot of sport when you were 'younger' - what did you do?

How do you fill your days now?

I have to go out and do some shopping for tomorrow. There is one thing I really want to buy for both of us - if I find what I'm after I'll post a photo - fingers crossed (and no I'm not going to tell you what it is - you'll have to wait to Santa comes tonight!!!!!)

I'll check in at different times throughout the day - I know you will be out and about also. Stay safe on the mad roads!

your (amazing) big sis

Morning sis @Zoe7

I am glad to hear you had a good night sleep- and hopefully that flat feeling will pass

It is quite a good hospital

I would not hesitant to go back if I think it would help

You have made my year too- finding you. You are such an amazing person

I am glad you are starting to feel better within yourself, in the last two years or not even that I have started back focusing on my health and I have been seeing exercise physiologist every week, and I have achieved so much with this

In July I am going to Hawaii for two weeks and I can't wait, another step in the right direction for me- I am looking forward to getting away, and plus the Hawaiian sunshine and going shopping and sighseeing around the island, its going to be amazing- lots of fun

A bit about my sporting background- I actually like most sports but my first love will always be surfing. Other sports softball,tennis,kayak, cross country running, swimming and I would say I like most sports. I just like to be active- I enjoy beach walks and hiking too.

Thank you for being such a caring and thoughful big sis and thank you for thinking of me- I can't wait to see what my pressie is I have no idea lol

I will probably will not be online until later this afternoon or after dinner, I have to go down to see family- its about 45mins without traffic.

Your the best sis

xox

Is that Toby's cousin Kira? Soooo adorable

I found your christmas present - just what I was looking for!

Have to give it to you now - can't wait for christmas (Santa delivery has come early!!!)

Just in case you can't see it properly - it's a yellow orchid!

The sunny, bright colour of yellow orchids is synonymous with joy and new beginnings. This orchid colour is also the traditional symbol for friendship.

Put it in a turquoise pot as that reminds me of the water on a beautiful sunny beach - which now also reminds me of you @Former-Member

Sending you and Kira all our love little sis.

Merry Christmas

Toby and Zoe7

@Zoe7 Yes it is Toby's cousin Kira, I think she is a bit adorable too

Thanks so much for my christmas present- I have no problem seeing it

I love the blue turquoise pot and its really beautiful

The blue reminds me of the ocean too, and I hope to go for a beach swim tomorrow

Sending you lots of love and hugs

Hi sis

How was your trip to see your family?

I am so jealous of you - two weeks in Hawaii!! The last thing my GP said to me yesterday was 'go on a holiday'. I said I wouldn't leave my babies - but Hawaii - might reconsider!!!!

I better be back to work by July then so I have something to do while you are away!

I used to play softball and tennis also. Had to stop when I hurt my neck - too risky - played for over 15 years. It was very upsetting at the time to just stop everything - but new I had to for my health.

Love my kayak also. Would take it out everyday if I had the strength to lift it up and the energy to paddle! Hopefully soon I can get it back in the water.

Always wanted to surf but never got around to it. Maybe because of my fear of sharks - don't go out too deep unless in the kayak! I also played basketball and badminton when I was younger, netball for a few years (but never really liked it) and volleyball (wasn't that good at it though). Really love soccer and AFL - you live in enemy territory (Brisbane Lions member here for nearly 20 years).

Orchid is now taking pride of place near the tv (can always see it)

Sending you @Former-Member all our love also