Hey @Cath22
I hope you don't mind - I do tend to be blunt and say things as they are, there is no romanatising mental illness, I do often tell things in more of a medical type way as that is how I understand things - but I do understand the emotional side of it. Mr Darcy has had a number of diagnoses and in many ways remains a diagnostic quandry for the treating team.
There are a number of mental health service providers - Carers Australia offer support and counseling for people caring for those with mental illness. There is also the suicide support line which is really helpful too, there can be a bit of wait on hold but I have found them helpful. https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/about/ If you are in the Eastern states, Wellways offer carer support, I have a care worker come and visit me at home. They also have workers who support patients in developing wellness plans, Mr Darcy had one that would take him out for coffee on a regular basis. If you let me know what state you are in I can give you links.
Mental health puts a strain on the most robust of relationships, there are many issues that crop up and as a carer being understanding and compassionate, having the ability to forgive as well as cope with lack of intimacy caused by both the illness and the drugs used to treat them can at times be overwhelming. Having friendships and supports outside the home are essential; finding understanding friends can be difficult. A lot of people don't know how to react to the situation, but you will find so many that have been affected by mental health issues and they will be glad to have someone to talk to, the first person I met for coffee after Mr D attempted mentioned divorce, something that I have no intention of doing, it will take effort on your part to get out and connect. The people on this forum are great as they understand these emotions, we don't have to explain ourselves and can vent away when it all gets a bit much. I remind myself constantly that I am his wife, not his therapist and all I can do is provide a loving atmosphere, support him as he attends appointments, advocate for him when necessary and hope that the health professionals find a good balance of meds and therapy for him. Getting counselling for yourself will help, even if it is just psychoeducation, learning how to cope with his disorder, how to self care and ensure that you don't burn out.
The best thing I did was to educate myself about mental health, it is really important to understand what one is dealing with. Coming to terms with a potentially terminal illness is difficult and it can take a while for an adequate treatment management plan to be achieved. I understood that Mr Darcy would have down times and he has often said he does not know how he can ever recover; learning when this is path for the course or when it is more serious and you need to call in supports can take time, I cannot say that I have lost the fear but have learned to be "alert but not alarmed", I guess it would be the same for someone who has had a cancer diagnosis. There is plenty of information about mental illness on the internet including here on the Sane site. It is important to familiarise yourself with is your state mental health act and learn about voluntary and involuntary treatment and how you fit into that and what is required for you to be able to be involved with your husbands treatment should he be deemed to have lost capacity. There may be a form that your husband needs to fill out without coercion and he may or may not be willing to do that - we went to a solicitor to get our enduring power of medical forms done so that it was seen to be done.
This qld website is really helpful: http://mhr4c.com.au/
Hope this is not too much information,
Darcy
