Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

@Appleblossom, not sure what you are asking but I can empathise with your son...

Can I start by saying I loved my Dad and believe he loved me... and I believe any of Dads parenting shortfalls (or my perception of) were the result of how he was raised and he was doing the best he knew how.

I can empathise with your son as my dad used to often scoff and mock me, I can't remember him ever saying well done or anything similar, only ever that was not good enough or what a disappointment I was.(Apparently he used to spout on to everyone else how fantastic I was).

I rarely got angry or aggressive back though in my interactions with Dad though, just internalised my feelings which was not healthy. My lack of fighting back and standing up to my farther was due to the emotional hold he had over me. over 12 years since he died and I can still feel that control and see the disapproval in his expression, then feel guilty about thinking poorly of him :- (

The consequence of all this is that I struggle to interact with my own boys the way I would like as I have no example as a reference around how, but also that I don't deal with conflict at all well.

Don't know if that answered anything for you but happy to elaborate where I can if you think it may help

Thank you @Faith-an @Former-Member @Determinedd-Hope

All 3 answers were helpful in different ways. I also internalised far too much growing up and so value this forum as a form of finally being able to externalise and work through stuff. Can we talk more about these things later. I have to run as I am due back in CBD again today. Long long days and I am tired but still it seems required to SOLDIER on.

I had a further discussion with son's gf who was present at visit with ex and son which helped clarify things. Confirming that my son has reasonable self regulation skills and that ex is still magnifying other people's "faults" and his over statements have had dire consequences for my biological family and he was alwats quick to point out our issues but not really affirm that him and I were a family even though I bore him 2 children and raised a third. I guess that is why the RC Church awarded my annulment. No such thing as one body ... and too much cynicism and blame. Anyway I am learning.

@Appleblossom

@Determined I value your opinion and it sounds like it is hard won.

You had a tougher time with your father than mine. With mine he was more confusing or absent and then he died. I have had to reconstruct what life was like for him to understand. And I had stand ins - foster fathers.

So important to honour the love between men; fathers and adult sons.

Even though I am a woman I have always had a lot of sympathy for male perspectives, but I cant actually know what it is like. Even though I used "joke I was half bloke", I thought it was light hearted but people did not get it. I was actually sad that the battle of the sexes seemed seep into so many social situations. Whatever I went to a girls school where we had to learn to ties too. Its a reason I like choral singing as it has a way that men and woman are ... in harmony.

I know my son loves his father and his father has tried his best.

Its just been very difficult circumstances all the way through.

Did the twin put on weight? -- yes @Former-Member from the meds , that is why Mr shaz thinks if he stops the meds he will lose weight but not good for him to go off the meds

he has high cholestrol because of the meds and the extra weight , seems like his weight has reached a level now where he is not putting on anymore but not losing any