A Poem? Maybe?

Why do i bother

whydo i care

these are the questions i put out there

the etos brings no answer

as there is no one ther

why do i bother

why do i care

these are the questins i put out there

the echo is silent

and that is what scares

why do i bother

why do i care

it is i who askes and i do not hear

is all life in vain or i who cant see

i krrp on searching for that reason to be

I tell no one of all the fears in me

i look and search in all the dark places

i know that ther is and always must be

a reason to bother

a reasson to care

its just of late they have escaped my life

sadness it is that bilnds my search

Oh why do i bother

Oh why do i care

these are the questions i still put out threre.

Scorpion

Its dark and late

A troubled sleep I fear awaits

Places I fear to go the pills I take

A troubled sleep my fate

But sleep I must as I can no long keep awake

Oh that place I hate

My body in pain my heads a mess

But sleep awaits its lurking just out of reach

Its grasp I now take

Oh I fear a troubled sleep I take

Tomorrow must be better ill just this chance.

Scorpion

Uh here we go, here we go, time to let it flow.....

Some crazy times, some impressive states, wrapping my head around my plate

issues and dramas, all could just be karma

still looking and hoping, that all is not forgotten

wanting and needing the breath that i be breathing

my brain been ill, my senses been real

i keep chasing the thrill, climbing up the steep hill

rythem and rap haha how about that,

the times been flying so quickly

where did the last 6 months take me

closer to my goal, or am i just getting closer to jail

LOL wow, funny what my brain comes up with sometimes.

I have been away for awhile, well a week or so really, not very long at all, i have reached a plateau with medications, which have dulled me off a little bit, well that and i have been depressed, but how can i stay depressed when the weather is so nice.

I have started seeking Drug and alcohol counselling, well shouldn't say seeking, i am seeing a drug and alcohol counsellor, first proper session was today,, i well....... i need to learn how to say NO! LOL

un train my brain, from what it automatically does, should be fun.

It's interesting and sad, when you run through the last 20 years of your life and how much damage and the reasoning behind using.

will be using CBT and mindfullness, have to focus on my food when i eat, and imagine every meal is my first or last maybe lol, part of it, and other things too, getting in the moment, and expierencing etc, it was really well explained, i know it probably doesn't make much sense with what i have just written but, it's something to help me head towards losing my impulsivness

I have been coming online, while i wasn't posting tho, and i just kept deleting everything i wrote, for what ever reason, i just didn't like anything that i wrote, i didn't feel it related or was neccessary to the conversation, hopefully i can refind that in me, being ok to just write.

Hope you all enjoyed my rambling