A Poem? Maybe?

@kato I am wondering how you are doing on the new medication / increase. ?
Myself I am not good. Hanging on by my finger nails. Work and life is suffering blah blah same old stuff. My psychiatrist did say he would change my meds if these one didn't work. So angry at all this torture.

Hi
@peace I read your message as I do for others you write .

And am reading your message. And taking it as wanting to write I am thinking kindly of you putting you in a flowy white dress, dancing by the sea shore.

you have written to me and helped me out with your kind words. Managing stuffed up medication days is so so awful.
I'm not always online but will write when I can.

And here for you, I hopesy hope you meet @kenny and @Loopy too.
Thinking of you @peace



(remembering @kristin suggesting to pretend @ =ok then the name therefore placing @ in the right place ....)

@Loopy right on the button of relating & understanding. Cool dude you are & you live in Tasmania.

Kato@ reread your poem.

It's really good. It's so sad and beautiful.

What happens for you when you write it?

It's so sensitive in that you really describe your emotions so well.

So sad what you've been through.

@kato ( @PeppiPatty ) thanks for your reply and little pep talk.
Yeah work for me is conflicting. I do need the financial benefits along with the postive effects of self-esteem and even excellent distraction therapy, yet I do experience the stress of working. Mainly because I worry about being too sick to go. So overwhelming sometimes just living.
I pray my Doc will come up with answers. At least he takes me and my conditions more serious these days. And well I guess I have been more honest and he has now seen that even if I am suffering with PTSD , anxiety and depression that something more is going on and I have had enough. It is his responsibility to help me. He is good and compassionate, so I am grateful for that but when one/me is in pain and panic I become like someone else. Up and down every month haha and I am passed that stage.
Anyway thanks ♡♡♡

@kato,

Yes, it does make sense. When I was going through whatever. I used to do that......it's sort of like automatic writing isn't it ?

The most exciting thing for me is that you have re read your poems.
Like that very much.

It puts an idea in my mind.... It may take me a while to explain. Ille write it at end of message but it feels like to me if you have reread your poems you may see a common thread, like a common adjective or verb in it. I've forgotten what a verb is, I'm talking about an activity word like 'walking,' or running but I mean ....... An emotion. Do you see a common emotion going through your poem? Or a sentence of emotions.

Example;

when I write my poems,' I feel sad when I reread them. But at the end it feels like I lift my eyes and see the world open up. ' that makes me feel happy.

The more you get to know yourself , with how You write, the more stronger you will be. I've personally been so impressed with how you write.

I feel I can learn from you.

When I read your last poem, it feels like you need 'sane forum,' to approve and support you.

This is so good; I am impressed. You are not going feral and running around the streets crying your emotions out but you know you are safe telling your emotions here.

It has taken me many years to know who I can be safe with.

Ille write what I think.......
It takes so so many years to really get to know myself and be comfortable with every part of myself. I have a long way to go.

The part of myself: I have blocked out is anger. So, I met angry boyfriends for many years, and one day I drew one of my boyfriends I had been having difficult times with. ( took me about three years to get over him, I loved him very much)

but I digress.......

I drew him. And someone casually said: oh, he looks like your Father.
And yep, I noticed that there was definitely a similarity in which just blew me away.

That was years ago but I noticed I kept on attracting 'angry men. ' even though it took me over three years to meet someone else, I still met angry men.

About 2 years ago, my husband and I broke up. I had been married with my childhood sweetheart. I thought I had broken the 'angry man.' I've grown older but still .......

A few months later,
I met someone who I thought was supportive and after about 6 months we entered a real relationship. Guess what ? He became angry. He fell into drugs, he never hit me ...... but he was angry. He smashed my back gate up then out of fear, I reported it to police and he went to see the police and told them I'm under medication and have times of mental ill health. The police rang me and furious at me for wasting their time.

@kato, Are you still with me ? The story is almost over. With an ending.

I was overwhelmed and ill with stress. This was about End September last year. But though I'de banned him from my home, the police would not turn up if he came over screaming at me. After about 6 weeks, he turned up at my home and said he was seeing a councellor/ going to a.a. He asked if he could take my darling dog for a walk. Well, yeah, he took him for a walk and my poor poor doggy fell in some water and drowned.....
This was about October/ nov.

I'm trying hard to learn about signs of meeting 'my father.' And boy, was my father a mean angry person. As a matter of fact,so was my mother. She only stopped yelling at me last year when I told her she was affecting my mental well being.

But I've still got to learn.

Bowie, my last dog came to me in a dream telling me he's watching over me and it was extraordinarily lucky to be offered Arlo a couple of days later.

At end of last year, some people knew what had happened with me and this last partner. My friends loved my dog ...... and one of these people came to visit. One day, he's playing with Arlo but Arlo doesn't like being told what to do and my friend disciplines him. I freaked ( how dare this person come into my home and show aggression! It's scary ! ! ) I was terrified ! But all of a sudden, I trusted him. I walked away.

It was difficult but this person had been very kind to me and I knew I have a problem with anger. I chose to trust him with my dog.

Two days later, Arlo has completely changed. He's much better. He even comes if you call him!
But I was aware of my stuffed up view on anger. I feel in control if someone is angry at me but not in appropriate ways in disciplining my dog.

Anyways, that's the story, that's been my thread. One day ille write some other things that have happened to get to know a little bit more about myself.

Ps( this is a long rambling message )

Wow @kato
Thanks for your lovely reply. When I sit down tonight, ille retread your last message to me and look at what you write.
It may need to be tomorrow though

/0)