A Poem? Maybe?

Oh why so sad my lifes not bad

I have a loving wife a job to goto

I've brouht a bike I wil love to ride

But so much sadness I just cant contain

I sit in a corner in a darkened room and cry till there is no tears left

I cant let anyone see that this mess is me

I wipe my eyes rearrange my mask

So the whole world sees only the outter me

Cause inside is a mess

My wife has suffered oh so much

Now my pillar has fially collapsed

I have to be stong for her and I can hardly find enough myself

I want to look forward I know I must

But oh It looks too hard

Maybe tomorrow my light might shine

Ill wait and see

Scorpion

@SCORPION

Hi scorpion, it sounds like you are finding things really tough at the moment, try not to put all the blame on yourself, there is nothing wrong with having a cry, it can be quite refreshing, i really struggle to display emotion, i barely cry and when i do it is late at night so no-one knows.

Your wife sounds like she is also strong like you, and just needs a breather for her? i am sure it will be good, and you will both be strong for each other.

What sort of bike did you buy? pushbike? mountain? motorbike?

I hope today has been better for you

@kato Thank you for the poem. So many familiar moments captured in your words. Sometimes I just need to write too and I always apologise because I don't want to bring anyone down, but you know what? We don't need to apologise for writing. Sharing these things - good or bad, makes people feel connected and understood. Thanks

@Proof_of_Light

Hi proof of light, almost everything i write, comes from deep inside, when i first started sharing my poems? or stories, i just wrote them without editing, purest form of emotion for me, as i can't convey in speaking words what i can when i write, in person i am very closed off and very much an introvert, i almost flat out refuse to be open about myself, yet when it comes to writing, i just switch my brain off and let my fingers do the talking, pretty amazing the truths, pain, hurt joy that comes through when you don't think about it.

I really liked what you have written in your other posts, i have been tied up in my own thoughts the last few days, seeing my psychologist always puts me off balance, with a need to process what we discussed and truths that come up through my sessions.

One of my things is apologising, but i have been working on it, and trying not to apologise for things that don't require an apology, i learnt that from my mum, who apologises for everything, drives me a bit nutty, but i keep reminding her to stop apologising, not really getting anywhere with her, but i just keep reminding her lol

What i have learnt.

So, i saw my psychologiist yesterday, she didn't recieve my report from my psychiatrist, errggghhh i just seem to be running into raod blocks lately, so we covered my journal, which i took to my session, not too sure why i did but i figured it was a good idea to run through a few entries etc, see her reaction and thoughts on what i write and how i feel, i really struggle with being real, in person to someone, i tend to cover up and act all cool, and fine with everything like i am managing my life pretty well, when in reality i am really struggling, it comes as a natural response mechanism, put up the front less drama, less questions, i get to keep my secrets.

So i read her my very first entry, which was from october last year, a week after my life fell in a shambles and everything broke.

so i read the first entry, and then i read the latest entry, and the funny thing was, as difficult as it was to read it aloud, and as difficult as it was having someone disect what i had written, it felt like it helped, i Belittle myself in everything i write, i still refer to myself as horrible names, that are not who i am as a person now, and because of this it makes my journey harder, if i can't learn to respect myself, and to forgive myself for what i have done, for the way i believe i am, and that i have changed and come far, then my journey to wellness will take so much longer.

I tried writing this post yesterday, but i couldn't seem to find the right way to write it, it tends to take me a day or two to process the information, we covered some mediatation style relaxation and breathing techniques, to help with my anxiety, and to also try and help with acceptance, i struggle so much when it comes to being alone with my thoughts, as i usually have music playing in my headphones as often as i can, it means i don't then have to face my thoughts, which i need to do, so for a few minutes each day i am going to do this mediatative exercise, to try and help change my thought patterns.

At the end of the session, she asked if she could keep the last couple of months of journal entries, i didn't really want to, as they are massively unedited and there is some weird crazy thoughts in them, but i said that she could, the reason, i think the insight into my pure unedited thoughts will hopefully help her to understand me more, and in turn help her to be ab,e to help me better.

I am now tho, dreading my next session..... but i know it is for the best.

Thank you

Just need to ramble Haha