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A Poem? Maybe?

A Poem? Maybe?

Hurt, Lost, Broken

My life is in tatters, my dreams have crumbled around me

I had the life, i had it all

How did i fail

How did i fall

Cruising through life, using everything i could

To keep myself moving

To keep myself high

The ups are fantastic, the best place to be

Altho i could never see the disease

The illness taking over me

No treatment

No plan

No help

Just searching for the high that evaded me

Using this drug and that

To maintain that happy place

When in reality

I was just wasting space

Broken and tired

My life in ruins

How stupid of me to believe

That i was as fantastic as i could be

Tortured now, by the memories

The lows, so low some will never know

How quickly life changes

When everything crumbles and falls in a heap

Now i am lonely

Now i am unloved

Now i have no peace

No place

No love from the one i hurt so much

I still miss her dearly

And altho i know we will never be

I can always hope it untrue

A dream to awaken from

Faith only blames me

Treatment only dulls me

Pain is all i feel

Hate of myself is all i can think

Why did i not notice

How could i not see

Why did this happen

Unanswered questions just for me

The hardest part of it all

Is knowing i will never get to say goodbye

To those who were closest to me

All hope is lost

No freedom for me

Forever trapped in this hellhole

I hope not for an eternity

Thank you

Sorry i just needed to write

376 replies

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In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Perhaps I'll just try some again..
But do I know when to say enough?
Man staying away is tough
Feeling rough...
Damn maybe not worth the risk....this stuff to injest..
Is it worth my pain?

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Well done @kato So much better to speak it out here than act it out.

Take care of you my friend.

I've had a difficult week myself but seeing my psych tomorrow, after having to cancel ECASA today for the Safe Futures house security visit. Hopefully they are going to put in sensor lights around the outside of my house.

Kind regards,

Kristin

In response to: Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

@Alessandra1992

I really liked, what you wrote, i might try and incorporate it into what i have written, i tell you, i had the first bit all sorted, but then i couldn't seem to find how to finish it, but with what you have written i could possibly round it off nicely, if that's ok, it is something i have been working on for a few daysoff and on, and @kristin it is definately better wording something then doing something, i have been told by too many specialists about how fine a line my health is, and that i am not allowed to "dabble" anymore for possible serious repercussions..... still doesn't change my thoughts at the moment, but i am thinking of getting drug counselling, i have no idea if i have mentioned it before, in this thread or another, but eh, the more times i say it the more likely i will actually go through with getting that help.

Hope your not feeling too strung out kristin 🙂

It sounds like a few positives are happening which is fantastic

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

I don't have any.........
Friends......
To come over and drink coffee or invite me to see a movie......

But you have somethng that so reminds me of my beautiful son.......
Your interesting
Kind
Acknowledge people and
I have heard that giving up drugs etc. requires you going through a grieving process...............

Think of what you have now????

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Thank you also @kato Now the stress and pressure is off I am feeling somewhat sad. This loss has triggered my grief from previous losses. It is an opportunity to deal with my saddness I guess. In the past I spent a lot of time running away from my feelings. In my defense they were too overwhelming. So if something comes up that I can sit with I try to do so and honor those feelings. But when it gets to the point that it is damageing well then I need to treat it differently. Emotional pain and suffering has always scared me muchly. I see my psychologist tomorrow .

Kato I really appreciate your support. I do hope that you can be gentle on yourself. And accept the financial help from Centrelink while you take this time to heal and find a management plan.
Bless you sincerely

In response to: Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

@PeppiPatty@peace

Hi JA47, thank you for what you have written, i think that it is cool that you see your son in what i write etc, i do find myself going through a griefing type process with stopping using, i sometimes don't recognise it, but it does help when i am reminded of it.

Hi Peace, it is good that you are embrasing your grief from your car and helping yourself with previous other losses, i find that helps for me when i get down, i find myself flooded with grief from past expierences, and it can work like an outlet for other times.

I too get wary of all the emotion involved with grief, it is good that you are also aware of the signs to look for when it is getting too much, how did you go with your psychologist?

I am glad you find my support helpful, and i will try to be gentle on myself, even when i really can't see reason.

Thank you

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Hey @kato
.of course you can use my words or rearrange them...and it sounds as though taking that step to getting drug counselling would be fantastic...let us know how you go...because the turning away is really tricky at times!

In response to: Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Wow @peace,

This feels like a 'moving on,' message for you........
I mean that you are identifying memories and talking about the deep bit in memories sitting with it and dealing with it positively ( seeing psychologist )

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

No more turning away from the hurt and damn sorrow

In response to: Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

@peace

Do you mind if i also try and work that into my collaboration?

And how are you? i hope you are well, and not getting too frazzled by work and anxiety?

I know i have written lots of sad/hurt poems, but i am currently working on something with a happier theme to it, it is taking some time, due to the fact that sad/hurt versus come to me alot easier then any sort of joy or happy, but i will hopefully be able to put it together soon.

Thank you to everyone

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