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Generally I agree with @AlienBP2

However, last year I did do something deliberately destructive ... I had been torturing myself for a year about all the possible things I was "going to do" to my rellies after mother's death and funeral. Though I also knew I was not going to do anything untowards as it would have a bad effect on my kids ... but I allowed myself ONE SYMBOLIC ACT ... Too many deaths.. too many excuses.. too many games about CREATIVITY.

It didnt hurt any person and the only damage was to an item (a painting of me) that was supposed to be bequeathed to me a month later ... I then told the rich rellies to sell the other things (large furniture) gifted to me to offset any food I may have dared to have eaten from their tables as a poor relative and fatherless child.

The intrusive negative scenarios regarding those rellies have subsided. Not sure what will happen if I accidentally run into them though. They cant call me 2-faced ... they know ... but such shockingly glib consciences ...

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@Former-Member

not sure if Symbolic Act helped yet, but it seemd like the right thing to do at the time ... after decades of reflection.

Thanks for responding to a difficult sharing .. most people would freak out ... or pretend they didnt read it.

It also gave me a weird lived experience of bonding with my brother who died 20 years ago ....he did a lot of destructive acts that alienated him from many people ... I did not as I was the big sister who could see all his "good guy" traits but also had to stay with him when he was destroying himself or eg visitng him in gaol for a week for killing his in-laws family pet ... a dog.

I am not kidding when I say I felt the dog in my family also was treated better than me, the woman delivering all the feeding, chaufeurring and laundry and other househod services

Thanks for answering as I have now connected with another similarity with my brother.

As a child he didnt do destructive things to people or animals and was often a softy ....adopted a greyhound but we could keep it in our flat ... he had a sense of social justice and temporarily won the respect of his second (chinese) wife for standing up for her in the workforce against racism ... it was just that brother's wife's family had denied his right to his own son ...I spent many an afternoon in central Victoria in a playground supporting brother with afternoon access.

a little like my mother's family had denied my fathers right to see me....

regarding scapegoats .. I am the scapegoat in my generation but my I tend to see my son as a bit of a scapegoat for his generation ... I am not impresssed at how my girls have behaved with him or me ... he has suffered for a great deal for what happened before his birth ... I know that as his mum .... so am reluctant to be too tough about small potato issues . he deserves to thrive as my girls have done ...

I think your insight into voice hearing are important @Former-Member... NO we dont want to integrate an abusers voice as a part of our SELF ... we need to eliminate them from our internal pantheon .. we just want to integrate the felt reality our own experience and tease through and sift out the chaff.

Glad you are back to posting in the forum

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I can relate to some of your responses .. it was a well intentioned video.

Oddly the biggest thing I took from the video was it triggered a heart warming memory of both my parents .... (both with schiz label) teaching me the boat/hat origami thing with newspapers ... and me asking them to do it again ... please ... when I was 9. So thanks.

The strongly abusive people in my childhood were not my parents ... so they are not the angry voices in my head ... I am lucky for that ...they were not present and neglectful in many ways but also tried hard ... they were reserved and introverted ... like me ...

My abusers were DHS workers, foster fathers, people on the street, pool, park, general derision and lack of compassion in the world.

We all have different stories.

Dearest @Former-Member

This weekend Ille be able to watch these interesting web stuff you have posted. Im looking forward to tell you what I think

:0) Anne