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Sad and angry? yeah, I can dig that. These days I guess I'm more sad about it all.

I see my daughter, who is like me in blueprint but without the damage. I am so happy and pleased that she is so amazing but I get sad because she's maybe what I might have been.

I can't imagine what it's like to have a full range of emotions for example. Or an intellect unfettered by constricting core programming.

She's so lovely. A good person too. She is strong spiritually.

So I must be thankful for that. And if I'm honest take a little credit because I was house husband for her first 10 years. I took care of her.

So even though I'm a broken soldier my offspring is not. And that is a victory

Sorry , I forgot what Iwas going to write and went off on a tangent.

When I remeber I'll let you know

Hope endures

Rick

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Hey Goodgutz

I always thought before I got married that I didnt want kids. Now I am divorced ( due to this frickin illness) and I would be completely lost without her.

The one bright light in my life.

In the end in this one circumstance I was blessed.

Hope endures..............Damnit

Rick

Hi ya Seuss

it took me a long time to get to the nitty gritty. I wish though I coulld just leave it all behind, but it wont leave.

Better that I guess than being emotionally stupid.

That's called looking on the bright side....................

Hope endures

Rick

Hey Seuss,

I have had this experience for as long as I can remember. I don't think I actually ever "hear" voices but I have constant conversations that are largely onesided in which I am arranging and rearranging stories and experiences. Often it is fun, but it is usually triggered by stress and it can become rageful and painful. I can lose the entire day talking alone and I can talk alone in public. My family and boyfriends find it very disturbing, largely because they assume I'm talking about them. My father thinks I'll dissociate one day and never return. But, it hasn't been happening lately. I hadn't even thought about that until I read your post. Maybe it is because I talk all day at work, maybe because I have not had a single drink in months, or because I've changed cities. But, who knows?

I do know that, like you, I find it difficult to find information about what exactly I experience. It's soothing, but it's also addictive behaviour. It is stress related and it can help with loneliness. I dissacociate from people when I feel they have hurt me, when I'm bored and when I feel angry and lonely in their company. And then, I was always a lonely, only and abused child. My half- sister grew up in another city, and she hears actual voices. She has been diagnosed as Pschizotypal. Myself, Bipolar and Borderline.

Mindfulness, staying active and busy have been the only things that have helped me. Largely, staying busy. And never drinking.

Hope this helps.

Hi @NewCityOldPain

Just wanted to say hello, and welcome to the Forums!

I also just want to tag - @Former-Member - so that they can get a notifcation about this dicussion. You can tag members and get their attention by typing '@' symbol and then their name. This will send them an email letting them know that they've been mentioned.

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Hi I'm new to this thread I always had long talks with myself and even argue out loud with my inner demons I have come to see it as normal for me even as I wite this one is telling me no.I have learnt to be silent in public as I get those looks of your not like the rest of us. I have never told my phy about this as have been able to deal with it so far and have enough shit going on in my world as it is.

At home now I have interesting conversation with my dog missy as if she is that iner voice.

But I know what its like as it never shuts up.

Scoropion

I will look into Alice Miller she sounds very interesting.

I have relentless mental chatter but I guess I dont think of it as a conversation between different people. I see it as part of me. Yet it is very intrusive and not that good for driving cars. I have often been strict with myself to concentrate on something to achieve a goal.