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Dear @MoonGal

I watched the first you tube.....the interview with daughter Jenny.

What can you say? This is reality hey.

You can't judge.

Im a fulltime carer with my husband who is diagnosed.....

So;

My observations are;

Yes, how the parents are bringing up Jenny is both very realistic for myself and hard for me to identify with because I was not brought up in a loved caring relationship at all.

I didnt get hugs or love given to me so in that way....I cant feel it but can feel it as a parent as I did bring up my sons like this;

in 2011,

when my youngest son rang me at work and said he was calling the ambulance, I wanted to yell and say...... hey.....you are fine, shut up and wait till I get home.

( memories of how I was brought up)

But my grown up..I have had 18 years of Psychotherapy and I am ......an adult said to him.....just lie down I'lle call the neighbour to call the ambulance Ille be right there.

That time, he almost died. It was very emotionally difficult for me because my Mum was trying to help but she was triggered from me and got my brother and sister in law to be very aggressive to me in the hospital.

Yeah, the best revenge is to live well.

What difficult in the video is putting the pain of your own childhood to the side and being open to the love that these parents are giving their own children.

Now let me look at what you are writing.

Im hearing you @AlienBP2 !

Dear @Former-Member

I agree with @Appleblossom

Its a well intentioned video.

I guess its the nearest someone who's defined as 'normal,' can have that experience.

I take into account;

1. his age

2. willingness to have this for a certain period in his life

3. getting paid for the project

4. Is not bored and frustrated with continual interference of these so called 'voices.'

This is what you say :

- "are you kidding me, that's perfectly normal why does he need a simulator to experience that?"

- I felt judgemental towards the guy doing the experiment, like "Geez, he can't handle much. why does he get to have it so easy going about his goals without derision?"

- sad to gain insight I have to go about my goals whilst contantly feeling so much derision, it seems an unfair disadvantage

- the audio simulation didn't accurately replicate my lived experience so much as the feeling of constant derision and criticism I feel

- the audio simulation voices sounded so much like abusive primary care givers I found it counter-productive & unnecessary to refer to them 'voices' & felt it would be much more honest & helpful to call them critical/dersive primary caregivers, to help understand them as natural responses to life events & therefore help begin to manage them better (that's what I need anyways).

well that's my reactions, would be really interested to hear how others reacted for those who'd like to share..

Thanks @Former-Member

I'm not diagnoised with Schizophrenia.....

BUT being a typical regular....'hysteric,' as Frued calls ...normal neurotic women...

When under stress I can go under the ......line as ....hearing vioces.

My Psychotherpist sees me as needing to have medication daily so I do not fall into bed and not function at all.

CAn I ask you @Former-Member do you feel uncomfortable that someone is trying to experience your daily mental life?

I dont think that 'I,' or a journalist can ever understand what you or my husband are going through.

And to me, I always forget what my hub. is going through........ he has had all bad that you can think of happen to him, maybe like you...I dont know???

Im getting back on my feet after seeing a difficult Doctor for a few months...I'm almost there. It's been a great learning curve for me.

But while I am not diagnosed, I will never know what your going through. But I LOVE reading your comments. I can feel you are pushing change in all the right ways.

Overall, the video was a bit sad for me that he will go to this extreme to try and experience. Its good that he's tried it because he was paid. For many other people it's probably easier to just say;

Im here for you.

I will support you

What do you think? Have I got it right??

Peter Bullimore , my hero, I've met him !!

He talks like you do re; trauma in your life

He is a lived experience advocate. I keep on meaning to read this book Ive got about him and Ron Coleman and others....but havent had any time. to read this book because I keep on reading others.

Dear @Seuss

Another monologue from @PeppiPatty

Apologies that you cannot understand me;

Im airy fairy and I go off on my own tangent....I like things fluffy and nice......@Appleblossom described it well once....I cant remember the exact words

I will try and answer your questions;

1. My husband, who I love and adore....is diagnosed as a chronic Paranoid Schizophrenic at 19 years old. We grew up together and though I am not 'diagnosed,' I have my own Psychological problems. I am a survivor of brain damage.... and a very difficult life journey. My family was not good to me for many years and ...it feels like to me and my husband, our lives.... are very similar.

We both have the 'same,' mothers. Who are / were punishing. My Mum is working hard to get to understand me but they both do not understand how their judegements upset us individually. It's like they do not know them selves. therefore, take it out on the most vulnerable.

But now we are almost 50, we arent at high school anymore. Our old high school friends spent many years judging and rejecting my husband. It anoys me that this happened.

Last September/Oct with Sane forums support, I went back to work 30 hours per week I enjoyed it, Im a carer for the community. In the past, when my youngest son was very ill, I worked 60 to 70 hours per week, working with difficult cases, ones that others would find it hard to do. LAst year, I worked with 'easy,' cases.....the elderly with supportive family mainly. But I coulndnt do it, I was dissassociating and falling asleep. one day, I couldnt get out of bed. So now I work for one and half hours per week and am with my husband 24/7.

My son was ill with brain cancer for a long time. Then his shunt in his head kept on being rejected but he is better now. I wonder if I will ever recover from that time. As like others who have been negated when they were children, every time my mother sees me, I can see her being triggered. I worked very hard at giving my children the best experience in adverse situations. I was being punished by members in my family and my rist husband but I plugged on.

At the beginning of this year, I decided that my medication was not needed anymore. I do not have a diagnosis and I dont need it anymore. It was a nightmare. I felt I was being overwhelmed with great grief. I couldnt do anything. I was crying all the time and not sleeping/ manic/ no concentration. I couldnt focus. I was growling at my husband. It was so hard.

I read your messages and I feel annoyed that you have had isolation around you. I dont see any reason why this has happened except for the community. This is my husband's experience. This has been my experience. You, with an interesting, creative mind have not had the friends around you to .....show of in a humble way. So why not ? listen to your utube messages. Its giving me more knowledge in how you are; how I am relating to it.

About a month ago, I turned up at a very tricky silly awful situation in housing a few street away where I live. I offered to write them letters to get things changed and though ......the situation my 'friend,' is in I stuck with it, I wrote letters, researched and bought the stamped envelopes for him to do the end work. 50/50. He is a naughty illegal substance user but his heart is very big and he self volunteers around the units for the elderly. He found it extremely difficult to do his 50% of the work, but he did and now change is beginning to happen for him and these group of people.

I get thanked constantly. I have learned a huge pocket of how the Department of Housing has dealt with this situation. thats all I want and I dont even need the thanks. My husband tells me all the time.

Who gives you thanks? Who has said, jeepers, you are clever and fun to be with. As a proud consumer, you can follow through and send it to someone else.

I am interested in your story. My messaages will probably not be the best to read, but my intention is there. Can you believe I passed my assignments at University?? I know.

Social work.....I wish but no. I have this inside belief .....with the fluffiness and angels and love.... that an individual deserves more than what they get.

I have an empty hole in my tummy that needs to be filled with love but since I met hub. It's gone. I have had my journey with a lot of bumps and bad things happening. My hub. was full of rage for many years.....the diagnosis, no support, weird family......Im not allowed to talk of him but you get my drift. I think that the thing that pulled us through was that I learned to take care of myself ......( big thing) joint councelling....and he ended up doing things that I wanted him to do and after two years, we slowly got back together,

saying that you have a lot of rage is interesting to me. Somewhere Ive written a message about that...lets see if I can find it.

I'm very annoyed hearing about lonliness. Im thnking about sewing quilts.... appliqued writing on top.....saying...

'You only need to spend 1/2 hour with someone suffering times of mental Ill health to bring a smile on someone's face. 1/2 hour. '

Are you on good terms with your GP?

you say something with your lonliness....You write ... ...I've had to become very, very tough and cold and dead on the inside to survive on my own.

Can you write what this means? It feels like you are responding to your work here.

Hey there, I've just flicked through this thread, having noticed the title. I carry on these extremely complex conversations with my 'self' for extended periods of time. Since the last time I posted, I have made significant progress in changing my life; moved house to a less geographically isolated locale (now I can actually get services, and respite... I have 3 high needs kids). I've begun trusting helpful people in my life, and have worked at friendly relationships with the [paid] people in my life. I've begun trusting qualified carers to look after my kids while I **Go Out Dancing**. And I've had a period of complete cutoff from social media; now engaging with it again is doubly hard. I get flutters of anxiety just thinking about checking in with (for example) Facebook,even though I know it's one of the few ways I relieve my social isolation.

anyway.... What connected for me with this thread was that I've realised since making some big changes was that the stuff that's actually been the most problematic for me, has been the relentless conversations. I don't believe that I'm hearing voices, because it doesn't feel like I have voices in my head running any commentary, but that my brain talks with another part of my brain, and the conversations are kind of but not really controlled by me. And the conversations are often about the stuff I'd like to be doing, the life I'd like to lead, but that for various reasons it's not the life I am experiencing. Perhaps they could be described as fantasy conversations but they don't feel fantastical... I've realised that I've at times been unable to dissociate these conversations from my everyday, lonely, boring, painful real life, and that's been the key to the misunderstandings, the exaggerations... Those conversations have become my reality.

Just like the dreadful things my hypercritical mother said about me as a child, these conversations actually shape my experiences of me. Conversely these voices do the opposite of my mother's barrage of negativity. They make me out to be a much brighter, connected, fabulous person than (to be brutally honest) I actually am. I am terribly lonely, I have extreme difficulty maintaining more than one relationship at any one time. I'd love to have friends, colleagues, team mates, family who I could do things with, but I have none of that. I have my kids, their support workers, my support workers, and one friend. At least I have one friend. I don't always... But my conversations have a lively social network, have romantic love, intimacies, personally fulfilling work, and positive activities. I would love to be more the person my conversations are, but I just can't, I become shy, embarrassed, prudish....

Am I alone in having this experience of voices? As well as my lifetime of depression (first treated at age 4), my childhood of emotional and sexual abuse, extreme anxiety, and a lifelong lack of a social circle despite my efforts, oh and also having the non nerotypical mind of an Asperger type autistic person, does my experience of "voices" correlate to anyone else's?

Funnily though, I try to be a glass half full person, but my voices are much less positive about that; they try to make me feel more empty; like they are the only aspect of me that is positive....

( and I love frank turners new folk/punk cd " positive songs for negative people" his lyrics show he understands...)

Its hard not to compare our situation to what others have ... but dont forget to be proud of what you have achieved. Three special needs kids is HUGE. I just looked up Frank Turner and was glad to learn about the Straight Edge sub-culture. I had never heard of it before. thanks. I had a girlfriend from work in the 80s, who loved Sid vicious, had blue hair, and hated cigarettes and all drugs ... its such a weird crazy world.