Oscillation between two mind sets

@creative_writer I don't think you've lost it hun. It sounds to me that you're trying to make sense of something that... well, morally speaking, makes no sense at all. How could someone do something like that to another human being? It baffles the brain, and is something that I know can shake us to our core.

Just take it one small step at a time darlin - maybe choose one or two things to talk to your psych about at first, and once you get that feedback from them that promotes safety (i.e. non-judgemental, warm, protective, etc.) it will help to make it easier to share a little more next time.

Haha yeah I have been known to do the same! I dunno why but I really struggle to fall asleep without any kind of blanket over me, so sometimes I need to blast the air con just so I can snuggle into my blankets hehe.

@creative_writer there's no 'appropriate' or 'normal' amount of time for any of us when it comes to healing from trauma. None of us live in a vacuum, and there's always going to be all sorts of factors that will influence how easy it is for us to heal. Stuff like whether or not we're in a safe environment, how people around us respond when we open up, the social and cultural landscape at the time, are all going to have an impact on our recovery journey.

And no, telling ourselves 'it could've been worse' doesn't really work in my experience either. I remember during one of my trainings (at ARCVIC, funnily enough) we watched this video about empathy, and in particular the use of the phrase, "at least". As in. "At least you weren't physically injured!", "At least it only happened once!" "At least you still have a roof over your head!" The video basically outlines just how invalidating that phrase is, and how it belittles folks' experiences and sends the message that they should be grateful that it isn't worse.

It's so toxic, and I think we can end up doing the same thing to ourselves at times; heck I used to do it to myself constantly, and it took time and effort to recognise, and then begin to gently challenge that voice in my head when it popped up. I'm the same as you, in that I would constantly gaslight myself by telling myself I was overreacting, that my experiences were not horrible enough to warrant the way I was responding to my trauma. It really helped to have people there to reassure me, to validate my experiences, and tell me that it was okay to be a big pile of crying mush at the slightest provocation/smallest trigger. It also helped to practice validating myself too, especially after learning more about how trauma impacts our nervous systems. Ohhhh I'm a pattern-recognition machine whose internal systems are all geared towards maximising my chances of survival, so when it recognises patterns that once made me feel unsafe, it hits all the alarm bells at once! I'm not weak or incapable just because I have a meltdown over these seemingly tiny events!

That, and finding people who had shared experiences with me - it sounds like you're really isolated in this experience. Have you ever thought about finding a support group for survivors? Or even like, an online community on facebook or reddit or something? My bestie, who has experienced quite a number of occasions of some pretty horrific SA, has spoken about how important it is to her to be able to speak to others' who have been through similar things. I think it could go a long way for you in helping you to feel less isolated, as well as maybe helping you feel like you can be more open about your experiences without fear of judgement or invalidation. Just my two cents 💜

Yes I totally get you! It's been a bit of a strange summer so far this year - a few relatively hot days but most nights still cold enough for a nice cosy blanket! Not that I'm complaining haha, I am always keen to be snug as a bug in a rug when off to dreamland. I am not sure if I'm mis-remembering, and Naarm summers have always been like this, or if it is actually unusual that I am still sleeping in trackies and a hoodie all through Jan/Feb 🤔

@creative_writer I'm really sorry that you've been invalidated in the past, I can imagine it's way more common than people think. Unfortunately it's one of those 'taboo' topics that people get very uncomfortable around - which in my opinion means that we should all be talking about it more, and more openly. Only way to beak down taboos and discomfort is through (safe) exposure.

Glad you found it helpful to have that chat with your friend, and have that shared experience of how your religious beliefs can be part of the conversation. I can imagine it has a big influence on the views and opinions of the people around you, so it's nice that you have enough shared experience to be able to discuss it. Because you're right, religion or no there is still soooo much victim blaming that is rampant in our society. It's horrible.

Your psych sounds like a good egg 😊 I know how much it helps to have shared cultural experiences with your therapist.

Something to ponder - if one of the primary ways we can move past our triggers is by being exposed to them in safe environments (whilst also having/developing the tools to help us regulate and stay present), if you were to find a group or community where folks can share their SA experiences in a safely held environment possibly help? I can imagine the idea of being exposed to others' stories might fill you with terror, but in the right context it could also be very healing. I imagine if it were say, a counselling support group, you'd also have a facilitator there who would be trained in ensuring that stories are being shared safely. I mean, I don't know of a specific group or place that this exists so I might be talking about my behind here but if you do find something like that, I can imagine it would be incredibly beneficial.

Yeah I've got some very soft trackies and was recently gifted an Oodie! I will probably live in it when winter rolls around hahaha. So hard to wash though, the fleecey things!

Hey @creative_writer Thanks for responding to my email. I was also wondering if one of these zoom groups might be helpful? https://alt2su-nsw.net/support-groups/

Please take care

Hey @creative_writer Do you have anyone you can talk to in person right now? I would encourage you to take a break and do something nice for yourself. We'll be here when you get back 😊