Oscillation between two mind sets

Maybe all you need to get out of a call is hearing another person, being able to vent, and/or not being alone for that duration of time @creative_writer. A space to talk openly about that shame and frustration, knowing you're not going to get shut down or told that it's not something to be worried about.

Sometimes, the best way forward is to practice acceptance of how things are right now.

@Jynx, I’m actually starting to wonder whether I’m better off with chat instead of phone call. I know SANE chat function isn’t working right now. I’ll probably have to go to Lifeline or something. I’m even more anxious about contacting Lifeline since I’ve found it very hit or miss. SANE usually helps, with some outliers like yesterday, I just hope the chat function returns. Sometimes it’s hard waiting on hold and the music gets very annoying, even more so for those of us with sensory sensitivities. Like I literally want to eat my head while on hold. I am also better at expressing myself through writing than through conversation. Honestly I probably should say what I did yesterday to myself. I need to tell myself that my dignity hasn’t been stolen. The right people would never hold me responsible for what happened and still see me as whole and innocent . Though I am sure there would be people out there who wouldn’t believe me or blame me

@creative_writer Sane's chat is going to make a return, it's in the pipeline - I just can't give any sort of timeframe unfortunately. But I'm pretty excited cos I know just how many people find chat easier and do need that form of support.

Hmm if Lifeline chat is hit or miss, is it worth the gamble in case of a hit? Like if it's not going well you can always end that chat and queue up for a different person.

Also, I couldn't help but have a chuckle at the phrase 'I literally want to eat my head' - I cannot believe how accurate that is for being in sensory overload!! Also, that could be really valuable feedback, if you have energy to put into submitting something over here.

I believe that no matter what you've done to yourself in the effort to cope, to stay alive, it cannot rob you of your dignity hun. Anyone who would have you believe otherwise is someone whose opinion doesn't count anyway.

@Jynx, I could give it a go, but if the wait is too long then I’m going to give up. I know the wait can sometimes be ridiculous. I’ve spoken to help seekers who waited for a while during my time as a volunteer. I’m hoping they have more volunteers to meet the demand.

I don’t think many of us like being on hold. That is why I if I have to make a Centrelink call I do it around 8am when they open. I need to get around calling Centrelink since I have all the exact dates for my course now (our dates are slightly different to typical courses). Maybe I’ll do it next week, I want to sleep tomorrow 😆.

I think as humans we like to think we are in more control than we are. It’s scary to think about how little control you can have. I just couldn’t see a way out during the time. My psych once said she would be honest with me if I had done something but the reality is I couldn’t. I wish I could’ve

@creative_writer well I hope whatever you choose to do ends up surprising you, in a good way 🤞

Aye, best to wait on a potentially frustrating centrelink call haha. Good luck with it, when you do end up going for it! Also side note, love how hold music is supposed to be soothing, but sometimes ends up making me feel more agitated than before!

Funny you mention control, it's been a big theme of my recovery - learning to focus on the things I can control, and learning about the concept of surrender. It's tied with acceptance, but surrender for me also has more of a spiritual flavour to it. Like I am surrendernig to the fact that my path through life is like a pinball ricocheting around, bouncing off life events and being flung in a new direction. Not always the direction I wanted to go either, but it's where I'm going, so I might as well surrender to it and make the best of it. Really helped me with stuff like having huge social anxiety about what other people were thinking/feeling about me, or comparing myself to others. Those things would ramp up my agitation and lead to meltdowns all the time, but practicing acceptance and surrendering to it helped me focus my attention elsewhere, on the stuff I could control.

@Jynx, I reached out, it helped a bit.

Centrelink calls can have huge queues if you call too late. I do agree that even though hold music is supposed to make you relaxed, it can do the opposite at times. I don’t think many of us like being on hold. I wish there was an option to turn off music.

I ultimately believe in fate. I know my fate was just written this way, and as hard it is to accept it, I need to. We can’t always control the actions of others. I’ve been trying to fight it, but it’s exhausting. I couldn’t save myself, I didn’t know how or have the capacity to. It hurts to say that but it’s the truth. I wanted to mould into with the cultural norms so badly and felt I didn’t because of this. I never had a choice. I wish I did but didn’t. If I listen to logic, if I listen to my spiritual beliefs, I am innocent and pure. But if I listen to opinions of people who shouldn’t matter, I get a different response

@creative_writer proud of you, and very glad it helped 😊

Ohhh the option for a silent hold would be sooo amazing, especially for all of us with sensory issues! I think I wouldn't mind the music as much if it wasn't interrupted every 10s with a loud, repetitive voice message. When will the world become more accessible and pleasant for us eh? Like they play this soothing classical music to keep us calm then ruin it constantly with the same voice lines over and over - bound to set anyone's teeth on edge!

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" my fav Dr Seuss quote. I do believe in fate, but I also believe in choice. And maybe we're allowed to choose which cultural norms we adhere to, to seek a sense of belonging, and those we can ignore, because they don't resonate with our way of being. Can be hard to go against the grain, but also very freeing.

@Jynx, I think it depends on the music and whether it changes. If you listen to the same beat for a while it gets a bit annoying. I prefer the hold music when it changes. The voice can get a bit annoying for sure.

I don’t think culture always makes sense either. Like I get the whole idea of saving the deeper physical intimacy for the one. That was always my intention. Society appears to be more obsessed with women than men’s histories. But if you have no choice, there isn’t much you can do. I just don’t want to say too much on the forums so I’ll leave it at that

@creative_writer mm it's an interesting topic, intimacy and relationships. It's very true about the double standards that exist for men and women, and it can be really tricky to navigate. Sort of why I ended up moving toward a particular style of relationships called Relationship Anarchy.

I'm logging off soon, and won't be back till next week, but if you wanna talk further and hear me ramble about RA (which I can, at length, if you want lol) we can touch base next week? Could even be worth making a new discussion post about it!

I hope that you have a weekend filled with exactly what your soul is needing hun. Sending some big, squishy cuddles your way 🤗💜

@Jynx I’ll have a read into it.

I hope you enjoy the weekend and take care of yourself 💖🫂. Talk to you next week 😀