Oscillation between two mind sets

Could be alexithymia you're experiencing @creative_writer!

As for asking for needs to be met - I reckon it's a practice thing. It was soooo difficult and uncomfortable for me when I first started trying to vocalise my needs or my boundaries. Got easier over time.

Chronic pain is definitely a whole nother layer of complexity, and I imagine it's one that few would understand. Like, the ultimate sensory overwhelm, where your pain receptors are screaming louder than the bright lights or noisy environment.

Hmmm... I wonder if that is part of it too? As in, we can't separate our minds from our bodies, and we feel our emotions in our bodies. If you have chronic pain, it's likely that your brain might withdraw or try to block the pain, thus also withdrawing from the emotional feelings parts of your body. This is all based on my own random assortment of mental health knowledge mind you so take it with a grain of salt, but just something that popped into my head I thought I'd share.

@creative_writer We have a real shortage of professionals to diagnose and treat children also. One of my kids had to go interstate to get the official diagnosis and treatment even though we (parents and teachers) knew what the diagnosis would be. Without that official diagnosis our hands are tied for support - we give it anyway but it is not funded. Now she has the official diagnosis, we can apply this year for funding - but that is then for the next year - so in effect, we have lost 2 years of support for this kid. The system is ridiculous.

I hope you can find your answers @creative_writer and get to a place of balance.

Re: ASD - I think there's definitely times to be open about being neurodiverse and times to keep it hidden, cos yeah that stigma is gnarly, and the microaggressions one can receive for being open are really painful. I have found that being open within my social circles has helped me to find other ND people, and I've filled my life with them. Really helps to spend time with like-minded folks who just 'get it'.

@creative_writer that's a big realisation to have! I hope it also turns out to be a helpful one, as you have an increased understanding of yourself and your trauma responses.

Being slow to trust makes sense; if your primary caregivers were a source of distress rather than safety, it's a very deeply written part of your psyche. Not insurmountable, cos neuroplasticity - but definitely difficult to feel comfortable with the unknown. Hopefully it'll get easier with time.

Me, I get a gut feeling about new people - tells me whether they're my vibe or not and whether I'd want to put more time and energy into knowing them. Do you get that feeling too?

Perhaps part of it is that you believe yourself to be broken and damaged @creative_writer. You have psychological injuries, yes - but you're not an appliance, your worth doesn't have to be tied to how 'useful' are.

When you choose not to trust your instincts, do they often turn out to have been correct? Could it be worth practicing listening to them more?