Oscillation between two mind sets

@creative_writer ooh cool, yeah makes sense, it's incredible how much our diet can play a role in our mental state, I'll give it a whirl!

You seen this blog post about Self-Compassion? It was written by tortoiseshell before they skedaddled from SANE, it's pretty good and has practical actions you can take.

And hey, I feel you on constantly pulling in to the procrastination station - I think I got extensions for like 80% of my assignments. For me, I would look at it like - am I handing it in late after already getting an extension? We'd get penalised like 3% of our mark for each day late, so if it was getting to that point, then I'd know I needed to pull myself together. But if you are still getting em in 'on time' just with an extension, ain't no shame in that! I got my ADHD dx halfway through my third year and it really helped alleviate the shame of needing those extensions in the first place, especially because I was registered with the uni's accessibility support. Does your uni have something like that, and are you part of it?

@Jynx diet plays a huge role. I don’t think we should underestimate the happy chemicals from food. Or exercise.

I haven’t seen that blog post. I will look into it.

Procrastination struggle is real. I haven’t, I have always been reluctant to register, I know i would qualify. I guess it’s my family upbringing, we always kept mental health under the rug. I didn’t even know my uncle had bipolar until my mum mentioned it in conversation. I know people are becoming more accepting of mental illness and ND, but there is this fear

@creative_writer absolutely, it's really hard when we've been conditioned to suppress/hide it all. I imagine it wouldn't be too hard to just apply and then keep it under wraps, I doubt your family needs to know anything at all! The fear is legit though, buuuut then so is overcoming it!

I'm off for tonight hun, catch you next time 😁

@Jynx I have been lucky in a sense my course has been mostly assignment based, so it’s easy to get extra time. There were assessed quizzes here and there. The advantage of applying is I wouldn’t have to manually apply for an extension every time I need extra time for an assignment.

I hope today has been kind to you 💖. Only made it halfway through the day before my day gave up. I think I’m infectious so resting up, I only worked a few hours from home today for placement

@creative_writer suppose it's a question of convenience then eh? I do know how much of a barrier things like application forms and such can be, as well as the challenge of pushing past the internalised stigma. And you're almost finished anyway right?

Oh hun that sucks!! A head cold you reckon or something more severe? I hope it doesn't wreak havoc with your migraines!

@Jynx yeah pretty much about convenience. I do finish up at the end of this year.

Probably some respiratory illness. My brain stopped functioning halfway through the day, so I just told my supervisor I was going on sick leave. I’ll have to make up the hours, but it’s okay. I’m contemplating whether I should do another half day tomorrow, I feel very exhausted and placement is draining on top of already feeling unwell. Do you struggle to stay still and rest at times? I feel the restlessness coming back right now

@creative_writer oh absolutely, the restlessness is a constant! In fact in the early days of my ADHD dx when I was trying the medication, I didn't even realise how intense the restlessness was until they wore off and it came screaming back. It's like my whole body is vibrating sometimes.

I've learned that the stereotypical idea of 'relaxation' just doesn't work for me, like the idea of just sitting still and what, like staring into space? If I sit too still it feels like I'll explode, always gotta have a leg bouncing or fingers stimming in some way. To actually 'relax' I tend to find things like going out for walks or having a lil kitchen dance, or having a little potter around the house. I think it helps regulate dopamine levels, and then when I do sit down I can sorta chill out a bit more. Obvs a bit harder if you're also sick though!! Maybe some gentle stretches could help?

@Jynx I really wanted to go to placement tomorrow, but I’m afraid of being contagious. It feels rude to go to a place where clients come. My journey to placement gets me moving in the morning.

I may not take meds, but I still drink my matcha with saffron twice a day. I do feel once the calming effects wear off, I need to fidget more again. I think I would struggle to sit still, on the plus side, when you’re with clients you can write notes and play with your pen (because playing with a pen is more subtle). I also find stimming gets worse with sensory overload. The lights are terrible at my placement place. One of the senior staff members also finds it too much with her migraines and prefers working without all those lights. She does have access to natural light in her office. I take amber glasses with me for when lights feel too much. I find movement regulates me too. I never really saw myself at outwardly hyperactive, but then realised I am naturally very restless and impulsive under stress, I also struggle with waiting for my turn at times.

Trying some gentle stretches sound like a good idea. I feel like I am rambling right now😅. I’ve come from talking about placement to stretching

@creative_writer I think having the kind of mindset where you're placing client health and wellbeing over 'productivity' or like, the mentality that we need to put the workplace first, is a really important thing to have when working in this field. So I agree on you staying home! Or at least checking in with yourself in the morning to see how you're feeling. It does suck when you really wanna go though! Which is also really amazing to hear hun, esp. considering how your last placement went!

Yeah nice one, do you have a good fidget pen? See, the clicky ones are fun but the sound gets irritating to others very quickly. I really like the twisty pens - silent, but still an active stim! You can even get fidget pens these days, I just found this online and now I want one!

I hate flourescent lights so much (and don't even get me started on those LED headlights on modern cars 😡) and I don't even get migraines from em, so I can only imagine how much it would impact you! I wonder... could you bring some lamps in? A couple lamps and turn off the overheads - it would be awesome for the clients too! I always feel much more at ease and safe in a room with warm, soft light. A couple salt lamps or something could make the space a lot more inviting, AND a lot more gentle on your eyes. Heck, if I had a private practice I would chuck like, 5 lava lamps around it 😂 I have one going in my loungeroom pretty much always, they're not very bright but the movement is soooo soothing. I reckon if I walked into a session and got to stare at a lava lamp it would make the whole process way easier. Something about small repetitive movements really makes the human brain happy - just think about watching the ocean, or a campfire! Like maybe it's even a tiny dose of EMDR? 🤔😆

Oof yeah, struggling to wait my turn is a big one. Sometimes people can get mad at me for finishing their sentence for them... I'm like 'here, this demonstrates the depth of my comprehension, and then I can get my own thoughts out before they evaporate from my brain'... yeah they don't see it that way 😅

Oh hey look now who's rambling? Hahaha. Though I find that conversations full of tangents and rambles are my favourite kind, so keep it coming!

@Jynx I was thinking along the lines of a half day at home. I’ll need to catch up a full day this week, but it’s okay, I have some leeway in time between placement finish date and second semester. Might be the best compromise. I’m probably going to be up tomorrow morning, I’ve been naturally waking up. I like having stuff to do. This is considering that I feel okay enough tomorrow morning.

Yes, the clicky ones get annoying. I have one of the standard pens, I play around with the lid and pen. Might try to look for one of those fidget pens.

One of my supervisors has lamps in her room. I prefer those too. She’s the one who noticed I was ND. She also has traits and has family members on the spectrum. Ooh I like lava lamps 😀. I hate flurorescent lights so much and LED headlights so much. I ended up with a bad migraine attack the first day and lots of sensory overload that I was actually feeling suicidal. I’ve learnt my lesson and have become more mindful. Didn’t make the connection between heightened mood states and light before.

I was impatient just a while ago, my sister was talking and I wanted to say something to my mum. I’m more likely to show that type of behaviour at home than in public. It’s not socially acceptable to talk over people.

I feel like my mind is full of tangents, particularly right now. I’m still learning to manage the scatteredbrainedness, intrusive thoughts still do pop up.

This is a bit off topic. Not even sure how I came to here. I’m actually recognising some of the strategies my psych spoke about in therapy on placement. It’s been a good refresher, but things take time