Oscillation between two mind sets

@creative_writer soz was just on PGC!

I'm glad to hear that it's something that is so motivating! I suck at mornings haha but having diversity in our neurotypes is a good thing to my mind!

Maybe Kmart has some good fidget pens! They've definitely cashed in on stim toys lately, much to my wallet's dismay 😂 I might even go look tonight - will report back!

Yeah it's pretty bonkers how much our sensory sensitivities can impact us! Mine is moreso sound than light, and my misophonia can get really bad sometimes. I used to work with a guy who would habitually make a smacking noise with his lips, it would drive me up the wall. It's weird that when a sound triggers my misophonia, my bodily reaction is pure rage. I'm glad you're becoming more attuned to how your body responds to these things, so maybe next time if you get smacked by those suicidal thoughts after a sensory overload day, you'll know why it's happening and maybe it won't be as scary.

Yeah the tangents can be both incredible entertaining and fun to follow (especially when chatting to other ND folk) but also can mean a complete lack of focus. So many fun little paradoxes like that... like my focus is really all or nothing, same with my emotions, my levels of interest. Makes life an adventure I tell you what! And not always the fun kind 😬😑😅

Things do indeed take time. But I do absolutely recognise and want to commend you on the work you're doing, it's really inspiring 💜

Howdy @creative_writer happy saturday to ya 😊

Haha re: tangents, you nailed it - I do absolutely have to suppress/compartmentalise certain tangents even though my brain gets excited to share them. Gotta pick our battles eh?

Sounds like you're a very sun-oriented person! I like the theory that we evolved to have morning ppl and night ppl so that some of us can like, be on watch/complete certain types of tasks during the hours of darkness as well as those who are more productive during the day. I like the fact that my brain is most active/creative from around 1am-3am, it always feels calm and quiet. I even love late night drives - watching the street lights flash past and there's no one else on the road, ahhh 😊

Re: comfort around pdocs and psychs... I mean I've always felt a certain degree of discomfort I guess, mainly I think because of the nature of the relationship. Like there's always gonna be a bit of a power dynamic at play cos one person is paying the other for something to happen. With friends, I feel I can measure comfort levels by how content we can be to sit in silence together, i.e. 'parallel play' as its called in ND circles.

As for your realisations - I think it makes a lot of sense. If there's been a repeating pattern that emerged in both family and in other social situations, your brain has learned to be wary of others who might ostracise or exploit you. Insight is often the first step towards healing, and maybe for right now it's just about processing this info, and in time hopefully the best next step will become more clear 💜

@creative_writer aww do you still hang out with that cousin much? Sounds so wholesome!

Yeah my partner is super light sensitive too, I have to be cautious about turning on lights around them or I can acidentally like, 'flash-bang' them leaving them reeling. All just fun different flavours of ND, eh?

Yeah having repeated experiences of feeling shut down, ostracised, or rejected, would definitely leave a mark. We're experiential learners, and so sometimes to unlearn some patterns, we need to have repeated experiences of safety and acceptance to help teach our brains that another way is possible.

Masking can certainly do that... like I've learned over time that the more I am unapologetically myself the more I've found acceptance and comradery within my social circles. People can kinda sense when we're being inauthentic, and trying to mould ourselves to fit our idea of what we think other people want of us... well in my eperience it doesn't work because we can't ever really know what people want of us, and when we try to pretend to be something we're not just to please others, it backfires because even if it is what they want, they can sense we're being inauthentic to achieve it... if that makes sense.

Curious about these social 'rules' you've come up with, if you think it could help to share?

@JynxI actually haven’t spoken for a while. She doesn’t live here, she was visiting her dad in Australia, she lives overseas with her mum (her parents are divorced).

Light can feel overwhelming for some of us NDs. Light is probably my most sensitive out of my five senses.

I feel like I haven’t met many people at the same brain wave length as me. Not sure how else to put it. You probably get what I mean. Not many people are good listeners either, they start suggesting things that won’t even work for you. A lot of the time you don’t even ask for suggestions. I feel many people don’t want to see you hurting so jump to bandaid solutions. Like talking to my mum and sister about my MH more is not going to be helpful. Being on holiday may distract me, but it’s not going to take away my mental illness. You can’t go on holiday all the time either, it’s just not viable. I rarely come across people who click. Clicking isn’t just adequate, you need some proximity too. It’s difficult when someone lives on the other side of Australia for example. Adulting is also hard, so many things to juggle.

Social rules like not being a restless mess outside the house, I can’t do any of that pacing and must remain seated. Maintain eye contact. Try to act okay when I’m not, express socially desirable emotions. Not interrupt people like I do at home. That kinda stuff. Essentially act NT

@creative_writer worth reaching out and refreshing your connection? I know you were probs just giving an example but idk, when we find those people with whom we resonate, can be good to stay connected ya know?

I do absolutely get what you mean! I call it the vibe, or being on a similar wavelength... and tbh I find it only really happens with other ND folks for me. I don't actually think I have any NT friends 🙃

And yeah, I think you nailed it with the notion that folks just don't like to see us hurting. It's why when someone comes to me for support, I'll ask them 'do you want suggestions or just to vent?' I wish it was a more common social norm to do so hey.

Gotcha. I guess for me it's a bit of a 'pick your battles' type situation. Like some situations (work, formal occasions, some family occasions) do warrant a certain degree of masking, but if it's a regular social situation, I am a big pile of chaos - tangents, special interests, direct communication haha. I find it to be a helpful filter actually - anyone who doesn't respond well just isn't really my kinda person, and not someone I need to impress or invest time and energy into. It can be hard though, cos there's all sorts of 'unspoken social rules' we're taught growing up. And the media too, big influence. I try to remind myself that the majority of dialogue in film and tv is written specifically to create drama and tension and drive the plot, and so ought not to be something for me to model my own social habits on.

There's a fantastic book, I personally haven't read it but have heard great things - it's called 'Unmasking Autism' and could be a helpful read as you explore this aspect of your life?

@creative_writer yeah social media is deffo not my fav method of staying connected, but sometimes it's all we have hey.

Yeah absolutely, we all grow at different paces. It's actually something that's happened a bit in my life lately, discovering that someone I was close to has not really grown alongside me, and now there's an ever-increasing gap in our capacity for mutual understanding and shared experience. It can be super sad.

Haha you just reminded me of the fact that as a kid, I used to ride my razor scooter around and around in circles in our front yard, for HOURS, almost every night. It gave me space to think! I would spend the whole time daydreaming. But I look back and I'm just like "how did my parents not see that and think that maybe their child was a little neurospicy?!" But I know it's just cos they didn't have the understanding or knowledge of what ADHD actually looks like.

I'm off for tonight, hope your weekend is what you need it to be 😊💜