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Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor14 Nov 2023, 6:49 pm AEDT

Oscillation between two mind sets

Sometimes I feel like I’m on top of things and don’t feel like my trauma defines me and I don’t feel so ashamed and scared. Other times I want to hide from the world and feel like a **** (I’m not going to say the word here since I don’t want to trigger anyone) 😭, I feel so ashamed that I don’t want people to know

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In response to: Oscillation between two mind sets

Zoe7Senior Contributor11 Dec 2023, 2:05 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

I hope, in just a small way @creative_writer that you can feel some trust with me - I certainly do with you ❤️ I do know how hard that is, especially when we have learnt not to trust anyone over a lifetime of hurt. I can very much feel for you with your supports. I have had many over my life that I felt the same with and feel very, very fortunate to now have those I do trust. Sometimes those people come along when we least expect and if it is at a time we really need them then that is a bonus. I honestly could not have had better care over the last 7 or so years.

I could not imagine the pressure in regards to marriage you are under and the stress that evokes - but everything in your own time Hon. I am sorry your parents do not get that and it is triggering for you 😢 Stick with the person you feel safest with, your psych, and continue to build upon that. You will get there - I have no doubt ❤️

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor11 Dec 2023, 7:24 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

@Zoe7, I’ve realised today that I am sick, and I’m not sure it’s hay fever, I sure hope it’s not COVID. I’ll do a test once I have the energy. I just need some time in bed, I’ve been at uni all day. I intend to work from home the rest of the week at this point. Might explain why things feel more shit right now. I had to take pain relief right in the morning, I usually can get by the morning without too much pain, but not today. I could barely stay awake too. One of the benefits of working from home is I can sleep in more, and I’ll not bother with makeup except lip tint. I don’t want to take time off because I’m almost done with placement, I finish next week Thursday.

Trust will come slowly. I feel like in a way it’s different talking to people with lived experience because they see you. I was shadowing a social worker the other day, I came across a client who had a complex history and didn’t want to engage in a psych because she didn’t want to open up the trauma. I felt her because I’ve been resistant at times too. It is painful to open up wounds. I wouldn’t even open up to most therapists, or to anyone fully. The amount of pain she was in physically and mentally was heartbreaking. Ever felt like wrapping someone up and taking care of them? That’s how I felt.

I hope the appointment went okay for you today 💖

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

Zoe7Senior Contributor12 Dec 2023, 3:12 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

Will get back to you later @creative_writer Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you ❤️

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor12 Dec 2023, 6:48 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

@Zoe7, thinking of you too 💖🫂

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor14 Dec 2023, 7:02 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

I’m drawn to mental health even though I know it can be a trigger. When you’re passionate about something, you can’t give it up. I am passionate about helping those who are struggling, we need more compassionate therapist who have some understanding what it is like to struggle with mental illness. Having a lived experienced can provide you with a deeper understanding and can deepen empathy but it can also hurt. I know many of those suffering from mental illness have a trauma history so I can’t away away from triggers, and I will encounter them, I can try to work on coping with them. But I may not be able to work for specialised services like CASA because then the triggers would be constant and I’ve accepted that. There is a huge difference between triggers here and there vs constant.

I know what it’s like to be left alone. I come from a conservative background, and I think we need people who understand different cultures because it adds to the complexity. I struggled with mental health for years before I knew, and I was advised not to seek help due to stigma, it’s been hard. But if I can help people from the experiences I have had, then fighting this fight makes it worth it

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 Dec 2023, 4:21 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

I had a flashback today, it wasn’t the worst one, but still awful enough. They don’t happen as often anymore

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 Dec 2023, 8:40 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

I’m tired

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

tymeModerator15 Dec 2023, 8:42 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

Hey @creative_writer , what' happening?

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 Dec 2023, 8:48 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

@tyme, will it ever stop hurting? Or will the pain just get less and you have to learn to cope with it?

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

tymeModerator15 Dec 2023, 9:20 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

Hey @creative_writer ,

Sorry you are hurting. I hear you.

Unfortunately, I can't answer your question for you.

As much as I want to say that you are in control, I also recognise that it's not as simple at that. There are so many 'layers' to contend with whether it be trauma, culture, values, expectations.

The main this is that you do what's right for you.

Sitting with you.

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Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.