Hello again dear @Former-Member
I did read one of your threads on the carer forum. I can understand why you would be so worried about your son. My brother suffers paranoid schizophrenia. Often with him he felt he didn't need medication - that everyone else had the problem, not him. He lost total insight with reality and this is what is concerning. The government closing down psychiatric hospitals and services for the mentally ill is what has let down suffers and their families in society down the most. Such sufferers need hospitalisation until stablished and even more importantly, ongoing care, as often they cannot look after themselves as they neglect to take their medication. This is common place with this illness and what makes it so dangerous.
My brother rang me one night when he was having a really bad episode. He got like this because he had not been taking his medication. He was convinced someone was outside trying to get in and harm him. To make a long story short he was a danger to himself and others (he lives with my elderly mother and was going to turn violently on her and those who were passing outside as in his mind he was protecting himself).
I had no choice but to ring the police and explain the situation. Luckily I spoke to a police woman whom had experience with those whom where mentally ill in this way. They went to see him and he then put his mask on pretending all was fine (even though very ill he could still do this). But they insisted he take his medication while they were there. He was alright then and I think the situation frightened him as he never missed a dose after that for quite some years. And in doing so was able to hold down a job and was not a danger to himself or others. If I had not rung the police that night lives would of been lost (he also wanted to harm himself).
Did you know you can intervene this way if your son is not taking his medication and becomes a danger to himself or others? You mentioned that a medical professional said that your son could have permanent brain damage if he does not take his medication (an injection?). This may be an option to protect him. Yes, your son may get angry at you (my brother was at me) but when lives are in question and the quality of life (brain damage) this would be the best course of action in my eyes. Sufferers of this mental illness can be stabilised if they take their medication properly (everyday at the same time).
And your son could go on to have a life of better quality. It is not usually ever cured but can be controlled. Counselling with a good psychologist is also a must to help them with their insight and perception (what the true reality is) and to implement good lifestyle habits, coping strategies and positive thought patterns. They can learn to ignore the voices to the point they can diminish somewhat. Unfortunately this can all cost and the catch 22 is that such sufferers cannot work and afford this type of help. A sad reflection on our society and governments neglect of duty of care. Your son should not be put at risk of brain damage and needs intervention.
You stated your son lives in a boarding home - the managers/owners/friends could also intervene if he has a bad episode and force him by the above means to take his medication. Hospitalisation is all well and good but there has to also be a ongoing maintenance plan to ensure sufferers are taking their medication. They are not always rational to do so themselves. This is the hard part. Once this is established the stress and anxiety will lift from you.
You are doing the right thing by not allowing him to abuse you or be aggressive. This is not only protecting you but sending boundaries to your son that may make him think twice before he does something regrets. Even with my daughter we never allow her without reprimand to abuse us. She knows if that behaviour continued she would have to move out. There has to be boundaries. In the past when she became violent we had to call the police for our own safety. It ripped my heart out but this made her mindful to control her anger. It saved her from eventually ending up in prison.
I totally understood when you said you froze and decided not to attended the sports dinner function with your husband. I have done this in the past because of the anxiety and depression caused by stressful events at the time. But it actually makes the depression and anxiety worse as we are giving into it. If you can try your hardest and not let the grief and worry of what your son is going through stop you from your normal daily activities. I know how hard this can be but it will help the anxiety, worry and depression from dragging you down further. And it will make you stronger for your son if and when he needs your support.
Also keep reaching out for support for yourself.
I for years have had to push myself everyday to do what I found I had no energy or any inclination to do because of what my daughter was putting me through. But I fought it head on and did it anyway (my volunteer work with the homeless, community centre and food charity and days out with friends etc). It is so important to keep life as normal as possible and not to allow this grief and stress to stop you from living. It will make you feel much better as it has me and improve your depression/anxiety greatly. Trust me. You will still have bad days but keeping life normal as possible with pure will power will see you having better days, feeling less anxious and will keep despair away.
I hope this has helped a bit. Those times when you and your husband are alone and wish to go out - try and relax and enjoy it. Your husband would be feeling the stress and suffering too and this will help him. Nurture each other and don't let this come between you both by doing the above. You need each other more now than ever. It's a hard road my friend but remember you and our husband have a life too and deserve some happiness now and then. None of us can have peace all the time - especially under such circumstances but when the opportunity arises to have some - take it and let yourself feel some joy, closeness and laughter in life again. Keep posting, keep venting - we will get through this together 💕
