my mask

Good morning all. I think putting on a mask is our own way of coping and not having to deal with tyring to explain what MI is and how it effects us all. The damage on the inside, yep totally agree. It is there and will never go away. Take care all

Hi @Former-Member

We all wear that mask to some degree my friend - especially around those we don't know very well or trust. In some situations such as the workforce and socialising as we have to do this to survive, to nurture relationships and move forward.

But those we are closest to that mask can slip sometimes as we have that inner need for someone to talk to, someone we feel we can trust - that we know won't judge us, hurt us but give an honest perspective - or just to talk things through to get it sorted in our own minds. Someone to lean on when the emotional pain overwhelms - a shoulder to rest on so we can gain the strength to move on. Everyone needs this - that someone to open up to keep sanity intact. So that mask needs to come off at times with "only those we can trust".

This is also a must in true relationships as this type of communication that allows the mask to come off brings us closer to the heart of the beloved. It is not only healing it strengthens the bond if our trust is not betrayed. It's healing to be able to express and be accepted for who we are with all our imperfections.

But I have also found in relationships that it's not only healthy/healing to talk when I am in a dark place but sometimes I also have to put on a brave face so the other is not dragged down with me. A healthy relationship is about balance - the mask coming off at the right times.

Others are human and have their own frailties and if I am depressed around them all the time it will get to them. No, others will not get it or understand if they have not been through what we are. But if they are genuine they will try and will support to the best of their ability. If we are continually unhappy around them they will feel "they have failed us" and become sad themselves. So it's all about balance. Talking when necessary as it's unhealthy to hold things in and it's being honest, true to who we are; - but I have found at other times I am laughing and smiling with my loved ones even though crying inside for their benefit as I don't want them to go to that place I can be in. It also helps my depression to forget myself and be happy for others. It may be a mask to how I truly feel but it's on to protect those I love. That to me is a healthy balance - knowing when to take the mask off but also knowing when to put it on with inner strength.

That's my thoughts and I hope that makes some sense for your situation. 💕

My mask is a total secret to others. I hide in my mask from everyone including hubby and kids.

It is tiring though to keep having to do this. But i think my mask is very slowly falling apart as now my family know how my depression is at the moment and that i am going into hospital tomorrow.

Masks are worn a lot for me. so many different masks for different occasions.

Hi @BlueBay

We can only wear a mask for so long until cracks start to appear. We need to reach out to others and talk about how we are feeling and ask for help at times. Otherwise it will take its toll and we break down mentally. Do you feel you can do this with your family/friends? I hope all goes well for you with your hospital stay. We are here for you to talk to anytime you need us. Warm regards xx

hello @Former-Member

yes what you have said makes perfect sense and I would be able to write something along the same lines when i am in a better place. thank you.

at the moment i am writing from my pain because i have not found anything like this site during all the years i have had mental illness. today is the fifth day of events causing me great pain.

so for me i am opening up more and expressing myself in a way that i have not felt safe to do with others especially people i dont know. obviously i can open my thoughts to my psychiatrist.

sometimes i try to discuss my feelings openly with my husband, he listens and i can see that it is all too much for him. he has told me that i am the deepest person he has ever known. my mum and sister well they dont even like hearing the term mental illness.

so im just venting, sometimes, expressing sometimes, replying sometimes, releasing sometimes. crying sometimes, rambling sometimes. im in a state of shell shock today and writing this way is helping.

this way i dont need a mask. i hope that makes sense. i do thank you for your response though.

i spoke to life line this afternoon, a lovely lady who assured me that i did the correct thing in ringing even though i thought i should have hung up when i heard the recording whilst waiting about being in crisis. she explained to me that everyone is welcome to ring and she made me make a verbal contract with her that i will ring back. That i must ring on some days just to talk. i thanked her. I felt a sense of being heard. a good feeling.

i hope all of you who have been so supportive on others i have yet to meet are all in a good place at the moment. take care

Hi @Former-Member

It makes perfect sense my friend. So good to read that you expressing your pain and venting; also happy that you feel safe to do so here. When pain reaches a crisis points and overwhelms that is the time to take that mask off and reach out to others. You did the right thing ringing lifeline. Sometimes it does get too much for our partners/loved ones. I have been in exactly the same boat - it can get too much for my husband too. This use to hurt me a bit but I suppose all have their limitations. I can talk to him but not if I get into a crisis. He is at a loss. So I talk on here or to my friend. It feels so much better to just have someone really listen.

You said this is the fifth day of events that is causing you great pain. Would it help to talk about this here at all? If you feel comfortable to do so we are always here to listen and support. I know only too well how hard it can be to carry such pain alone. You are not alone. Sending warm hugs 💕

Hugs @BlueBay

That must be very difficult not having that support from your partner or friend. Do you see a counsellor or psychologist that you go to for help? Please know that you have friends here who understand. You can talk to us anytime and we will support you through your bad times. Wishing you well with the hospital stay - get all the rest and help you need. Be kind to you. Remember tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning. You are not alone. xx