Struggling to be

@PeppiPatty, thank you. For all my brave and intelligent messages I am sitting here weeping right now for what was, what was lost, how to move forward. oh, I am so FINE when I am intellectualising, telling the story. It is is the sitting in mySelf and feeling the maelstrom and the fear and the terrible, sense of loss of what I could of been, or should have been (without this terrible burden of illness and pain) and never was that leaves me gasping and shaking in some vulnerable puddle of grief. i get it. We use our considerable and scarily carefully constructed arguments to show our intelligence as a barrrier to the pai the shame the sadness. I just want, I want , Oh, I just want to be able to trust mySelf - that I feel what I feel, see what i see and that sometime before the last gasp I will have a sense of peace and belonging.. But then ther eie no "I" really, just a chemical soup boiling on the stove of life. <weep> For all my pretty words and sound arguments and twists and turns... I try to find meaning and purpose and a sense of some how making a valuable contribution to the world, is that just my ego saying I am not enough unless I am being a hero? Is it an over compensation for my feeling so bloody useless, and broken.

We all struggle.

Dear @MoonGal

Oh, Just a tic, I cannot find the message im answering to....

Ahhh

Found your message.

It feels like your dissappionted right now. When you wrote "SEnse of what I could have been...." Sence of what Ive lost......"

Jeepers, have I been there and well for me, it was losing my feminity as well, all those lost stuff. even hard work at bringing up children...my youngest son has become Mr self involved of the Century in WEstern Australia..........I didnt have anything to do with that?

But honey, look what you have now. This might not seem much .....just sane forums....but we have it now, We are the ones who make it warm and inviting as @CannonSalt mentions....it could have messed up imediately.

I remember people like @CherryBomb, @NikNik and more faves...@karma and @Hobbit and @Shimmer, they must have all felt, what a dangerous thing we are going to do.....we are going to offer people a place to grieve and get to know each other.

A creative venture. Like what you felt you had in the past.

Its difficult ......to take a breathe and try something new but maybe, maybe if you hang around for a little while, maybe you can see ............

different way of living?

Looking at a different way of seeing the world?

Is this a way of coping? You can say whatever you want here. can this be a new way of dealing with stress and anxiety?

Anne xx

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