Hello, Friend @CherryBomb
Well, that was a deep dive. I had no idea I'd been under so long. My genuine apologies if it seemed like I wasn't too fussed about replying. That's not it at all, but I am worried that I seem to be separating from ongoing life like an unmoored skiff drifting on a slow current.
And perhaps that ties in with ... OH CB, your comments on critical disability make so much sense to me. I'm really grateful to you for sharing them. My own response is that I think they go very much to the heart of the matter.
If I may, I'll share with you another one of my Moonwatcher moments that you once asked to hear about. I think it's relevant here, and I don't think I've written about it before.
There was *so much* I learnt about Life from going to acting school. A lot of it was from what were intended as principles or observations about stagework, and I realised for myself they were not only true, but True. One of them was in the context of the old adage that "There is no such thing as a small role, only small actors" -- which in most senses sounds a bit trite, but in one sense I felt was profound. Suppose you're playing a Queen (and I mean the actual monarch kind!) -- it doesn't really matter how you behave or what you say; what tells the audience you're a Queen is how those around you behave towards you. Their response may be positive or negative, but if it doesn't contain some acknowledgement of your position (even if it's only by defiance of that position), then for all the audience knows you're just some deluded person thinking she's something that she's not.
In other words, our realities can be defined more by those around us than by our own perception of ourselves, or the statement we try to make in our everyday being. I've mentioned before my own perception that once we acknowledge to someone else that we have some form or degree of MI, we often cease to be a whole or self-determinant person in their eyes. And while I can understand that it is (perhaps!) a "natural" human response, it ... no actually, I'm not going to say that. Bugger it, I *don't* think it's a natural follow-on, and I *don't* think it's okay. It's just wilful ignorance on many people's parts, and it (clearly!) makes me angry, and it's a large part of my anger over so-called "experts" as Talking Heads. Their pronouncements often don't enhance people's understanding or ability to respond constructively to people with MI -- in fact, I think it does the opposite, because it actually emphasises the distinction and separation. (As in, "Thank God I don't have that problem!") As I said a few pages back, I think it gives people the false belief that they "know" about MI and what people grappling with that truly "need", and it gives people an utterly false perception of their own wellness and higher position in the hierarchy. Now of course there are certain types or aspects of MI that do best with support from a specific perspective, but I believe it's all about how you balance the listing skiff, and concentrate on its sea-worthiness and hull integrity as its predominant characteristics, rather than the fact that it's listing.
OH CB, you've inspired my thoughts. Thank you so much! I have a lot to chew on, and maybe it'll give me the courage to answer @PeppiPatty's question of what I'm looking for in a therapist. I can answer in three letters what I'm *not* looking for: C. B. T.
I hope you're doing well, CB, and also anyone else who reads this. Please forgive me my repeated truancy.
Smiles,
A.
