While in hospital

@Zoe7

I always love the beach and Jersey. But too many people down there so might have to go really early in the morning.

Do you know what is bugging me at the moment? My only sister that is talking to me HASN'T called me once while i was in hospital. Not even a text message to say hi, thinking of you, hope you are feeling better. Nothing. And it makes me really angry because I am the one that has to ring all the time. It just shits me, the one time i would love a sisterly love and call i get nothing. I called her the first day i was admitted and told her but for 2 1/2 weeks I get nothing from her.

She doesn't even know that i am home from hospital. and i am not going to ring her. i feel like no one cares except for the 'forum family' here.

I just don't understand siblings or family or parents.

FFS @BlueBay

I can't believe that - I'm actually angry FOR YOU! That would hurt so much and I really feel for you. I understand that you don't want to ring her - I wouldn't want to either! We do really love you and lean on us, vent with us and be part of the family - because you matter here (REALLY MATTER). 'Blood family' can be so hard to deal with - lucky we get to choose our other (forum) family

Crowds bug me too. Try to take Toby early afternoon or later in the evening during the week when there are not many people about also.

@Zoe7

That's why i feel so alone. I thought this particular sister would help me, support me and at least call me every now and then. I know if she were in hospital for whatever reason i would be calling her or even sending her a card and flowers. She isn't well physically but i still feel that something little like a quick text msg would have been nice.

I remember in July (my last admission) I decided to hand make a card and got the nurses to print out a nice sister poem. I wrote to her telling her how much she means to me and just a few little things we did as kids. It took ages for me to write it as I've never done that before and I was sobbing so much. But I posted it and guess what - never got a reply. Oh actually all i got was a text saying 'card was nice'. That was it. She could have at least said how much i mean to her.

And she is the one that is going to mums on xmas day. Sometimes i don't trust her, i don't know why. It just shits me so much. All my life i have been the one who has had xmas lunch, easter, mothers day, fathers day, new years day - all occasions were always at my house. She has never had anything at her place. So I am done, i am not doing this anymore. Because this is the thanks you get in return. I have been used and abused all my life and only now can i see it. What a stupid sucker I was 😞

Hey @BlueBay

Firstly you are not a stupid sucker - you are a wonderfully kind and compassionate human being. you would not have done all that for so many years if you didn't care about others and their feelings. The fact that they don't seem to return the same values as you is not on you - that's all their shit - let them deal with it! Knowing that you have made all the efforts means to me that you have wanted to keep the relationships going but it hasn't been reciprocated. Again NOT YOU FAULT - that's all on them also. I understand the struggle between wanting a relationship with family but it being so hard and one-sided to the extent that it affects every aspect of your life - it's bloody tough!! This is now BlueBay time - look after you - you deserve it

Thank you @Zoe7.

You have helped me see that my siblings and parents don't reciprocate back. And yes i did do it all the time because i am very family orientated and yeah maybe trying to keep the family altogether. But that was only up to 6 yrs ago when all my childhood abuse came out - and the family - well let's just say my mum ruined it all.

It hurts, it hurts so much; like a stab in the heart.

@BlueBay

I don't know about your history (and you don't need to fill me in at all if you don't want to) but I do know a little about you in the here and now.

First - YOU ARE HERE

Second - live in the NOW - enjoy your puppy and the beach and all the people and things that make YOU feel special

@Zoe7

This is part of my story back from Feb. 2016

Hi everyone

I am new here. Six years ago my life changed. I remembered i was sexually abused as a child by 3 different guys. This happened over 40 years ago. After telling my parents they abandoned me and haven't spoken to me since. I am struggling with depression, anxiety, ptsd, BPD and intimacy issues with my husband. Currently seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist. It's my dad's birthday tomorrow and I am struggling today with lots of emotions.

I have had therapy with psychs and pyschologists for the past 6 years when all the memories came out. It was the biggest shock of my life for these memories to come out. I sometimes wish now that these memories never ever came back to me.

My mum is a controlling manipulative person where as my dad is a soft caring person but he does what my mum says. She controls him; in fact she 'controlled' me up until 6 years ago even while I was married. I was always guided in my life by her and what she liked or said. She virtually controlled my life.

this is why now i am struggling. I have been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder and I am sure this is a result from the abusive and controlling mum i had.

I just hate it so much; the abuse, the depression, anxiety, BPD. Even going through therapy is emotionally draining. I always come home totally exhausted and want to hibernate where i see or talk to no one. Maybe this is my coping mechanism, i don't know.

Some days i just want to curl up in a corner and die. I don't want to see anything or anyone. I just want to be on my own.

Life is so damn hard.

@Zoe7 I wrote this on here back in February this year. So much more but this is the main issues I am dealing with - parents, siblings, abandonment, rejection, hate, anger, frustration etc etc

OK - hit home for me but am doing really well today - able to cope.

A few questions if you are able to answer!

1. were they all at the same time

2. how close to you

3. what time frame

This is definitely not to be nosey but to put into persepective a little more x