I dozed off for a while @Zoe7. I noticed you went quiet, so I hope you did too. You have been up late, and very busy, and very tired.
My mr. is trying his best to make things happen for all of us, and I appreciate that side of it, along with suffering by being railroaded in ways that are really hard for me to cope with ..... but one of his strengths has always been to move mountains, like a Titan. It’s that strength that will get us through to making the changes happen here that we need to happen, but our being here in the first place is linked to that Titan strength driving the controlling and eating disordered behaviours.
He’s a real powerhouse, but comes across as a quiet achiever, and it’s sonething that I have always loved about him. I have to hope that his future self will drive that powerful will and go-to strength in healing directions.
Tonight I feel like a confused mess, not much good to myself or anyone else. These feelings will pass, but they are like a cyclone within at the moment, so the best thing I can probably do is fall back asleep and hope this state has blown over by the morning.
I saw my counsellor this morning and talked a bit about this, but it’s really the powder keg of having to go back and fold down the life we had before that has set this spin-out off. An intervention could have spared us all this ..... it wasn’t to be, and now we have this mop-up to do. There’s nothing for it except to get on with it. Maybe it’s a good thing I am having this reaction now. It might settle ahead of actually going and facing the task itself.
And I will have my baby dragons, who will apply savage humour to the situation and help me get through it that way ..... knowing just how painful it is for me and being there in it with me. Gotta love ‘em. They are as feirce as their dad, and just adorable.
