Far and Away

@Sans911 If it didn't matter to me I would not be so upset about it. Finding it really hard to even consider radical acceptance right now - it really has hit me super hard.

@Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope I do not know how I will feel about all this tomorrow but I know for now I am completely lost here. I honestly do not know what to do

Thats okay @Former-Member , the email finally came through. What hurts however is that I now have a breach to my name, and thus I'm one step closer to getting booted. This makes me feel vulnerable and uncertain. And all because you are being extra mindful? All over one solitary word.

@Zoe7 Please do not permit this to add to your troubles ... its nothing. Lets just concentrate on you for now can we? I wish you could say more, but I know you cannot. I'm up for a little while longer if you wish to talk more.

@Faith-and-Hope I have now amended the 'offending' post and its slotted back in a few pages back. My apologies to all.

Sherry

No need to apologise at all @Former-Member I cannot see how what you changed is anydifferent to what it originally was. Surely that is not a breach of guidelines and it doesn't mean that you are anywhere near close to you being booted off. I know this has happened elsewhere for you so those insecure and vulnerable feelings would be coming to the forefront for you right now - don't let them Hon.

I saw that that is how you are feeling @Zoe7, and I think you know how much that upsets me, but I don’t want to upset you further with how I feel about it, because as @Former-Member said (I think either her post is back, or an edited one is) this needs to be all about you at the moment, and what is going to keep you safe and strong.

You wrote some beautiful posts to many of your forum friends a couple of days ago, telling them how much they mean to you ..... and I want to write one back.

@Zoe7 you are amazing. Your feelings ride up and down much more than you express here most of the time, because your empathy is such a major part of you ..... and you don’t want to upset others with the things that you know you handle for yourself on a daily basis, so admirably. Instead, you give and share, and offer supportive advice to help others here to manage, and that helps to uplift you a bit in the process. You are such a sweetheart.

You offer powerful insight to those you reach out to, and you don’t shy away from putting your finger on something they are looking at but not seeing, or not acknowledging, because it feels too hard to them ..... that is true insight, and together with that firm but gentle hand that makes you such a great teacher, you offer suggestions that are just as insightful about making changes that create a difference in their circumstances.

Your humour is just gorgeous, and you are so creative, when you feel up to making images to share with us ..... and share your sense of adventure and imagination.

If you need to withdraw for a while I understand @Zoe7, but it troubles and concerns me to think of you battling it out alone, because you are one of the many forum self-carers ..... you don’t have others living with you to see how you’re doing. You have a greater responsibility towards your self-care for that reason.

Love and hugs beautiful @Zoe7 ..... just sitting here with you ..... I will wait while you work out what you need, but please bear in mind how much you are known and cared for here ..... this is your place and you have a right to be here.

Thats beautiful @Faith-and-Hope ... and so very true of our @Zoe7

Please believe it Zoe. Its important that you know how much we all think of you, and how valuable you are here to so many.

Sherry 🌺🤗

Oh @Faith-and-Hope That has brought me to tears. I have been holding those in all evening I can't respond to that post - it is too much for me tonight. I can't talk about where it came from or in what context but it has made me feel so uncomfortable to be here. I will be bringing it up with those that need to hear it but just not yet - it is too hard right now - and frankly I don't think they would get the impact of their choice of words anyway.

You know how much I love and care for you Hon - that will not change ...ever but right now I just can/t do this. I feel broken and lost and my safe place is no longer that - just re-inforces to me that I am worthless and don't matter - don't say I do because right now that is all I feel. Some hits are too hard to get over.

@Sans911 You have in no way made anything worse Hon. I so value your opinion and thoughts - that is why I tagged you - you mean that much to me and I truly value your contribution

I will do my best to check in with you all @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Sans911 over the next couple of days but for now my time here is up. I can't be somewhere that causes me pain like this and that is all I am feeling tonight. Don't worry - I am safe but very much wishing that tonight I will sleep and not wake up. Life has nothing for me right now and although that feeling may pass in the days to come I don't think the hurt I am feeling will.

So much love for you all

I will be looking for you under the Support button too @Zoe7 ..... Hugs n hugs and many hugs ...... please do take care of you and I hope with more sleep, less physical pain, a lessening if the grief you are also bearing right now, and improved nutritional intake, that those feelings of brokenness will begin to subside ..... try not to think of how you are feeling in this moment with any sort of permanence, although that is not in any way intended as an invalidation of them ..... just that feelings can and do morph and change.

As the others here have said, there have been so many variables moving and shaking for you, that giving them a chance to settle will surely help.

Gently-gently sweet butterfly. Be kind to her whom we love ..... 💕💐💕💐💕💐🌷💚💕

Very few appropriate words from me @Zoe7 😢

Please do take extra care of you right now ... very important.

I hope things can be resolved soon and you see it as your safe place once again.

Will welcome an occasional 'support button' while you are unable to respond in words.

I will always be thinking of you, whether you are here or not.

Deep breath ... heavy sigh .... very sad for both you and I.

Sherry 🤗🌺💕