Far and Away

It is a good thing you and Mr. didn't cross paths (apart from in the air) - gives you that little bit more of extra time without any disagreements or the constant control over things @Faith-and-Hope

Hope you get to class on time - I am running a little late getting ready here myself - going to get dressed now and head to DBT - really don't want to go but that is exactly why I should. Hope it goes quickly this morning. Will check in with you later Hon

@Zoe7 I imagine there will be a large backwash of emotion for you. Once traumatic circumstances have passed, there is usually a let-down of feelings that were pent up in association with the string of events ..... and you have bounced from one thing to another for months, including financial hardship, and getting to know a male friend. None of that has been minor ......

keep slathering on the self-care Hon, and breathe through it. I hope thAt is all it is, but please don’t under-estimate the dynamics you have been managing with, and for how long.

Hugs ❣️

As usual you are right Hon - I have been dealing with a lot over the last several months and despite doing an okay job with it all it has taken it's toll. I think that is hitting me now that things are a bit more balanced but I need to recognise that I have had to do a lot of work to get to this point. It is also that point where things have been going okay so the inevitable thoughts of 'what will happen next' are in my head. It is that leaned behaviour that nothing good can last and that I am not worthy of good things happening rearing it's ugly head again - and the inevitable doubts about myself as well. I expect things at work to fall apart as well - that I will do something wrong and that I won't have any support. That thought was brought to the forefront yesterday when someone asked me if I was okay and how they could help - I am not used to that at all. Then there is also the inevitable thought that if I do actually say I need support that it will be turned around to say I am not coping. That is far from the truth - I am coping with work I was just having an off day - we all have them. My fear though is that that one off day will turn into several days and then weeks again. I don't think it will because the environment I am working in is so different to what I have been in previously but I also don't want to take that chance. That may seem like a bit of a contradiction but it is also my previous experience in the schools I have been in previously - so much history to deal with there and a complete change of mindset maybe needed from me - that in itself is hard.

I know I am thinking very much of the negatives at the moment and that that is my default when things are getting on top of me but I also need to work through those to appreciate the positives. There is some deep seated 'stuff' that invariably raises it's head when I am feeling flat like this and I tend to withdraw back both within myself and from the world around me - I am trying not to do that though and part of that is staying connected on here. This is the one place I feel I can ask for support and that - as you know - also took me a very long time to get to that point. I need to try to carry that into 'the real world' - find those people around me that will help - even if it is just a check-in where it is okay for me to say 'no I am not right but I will be' - acknowledging that is important.

This has turned into a bit of an essay @Faith-and-Hope but maybe it is because things have been building up and I am not very good at saying I am not okay. I discussed it a little bit in DBT today and had some great support there as well - a validation of how I have been feeling and that it is okay to be feeling like that. It made the rest of the session easier as well as I didn't have to pretend that I was okay and despite that I actually contributed. I returned a little to my old self - laughing and making jokes which set everyone else off too - I like that side of me as it lifts the mood in the room especially when dealing with complicated and complex things. One girl stated she is not going to sit next to me next time because she couldn't stop smiling lol - that is a good thing and made me laugh again. I suppose I just need to believe more in myself and that the 'well' me is fun to be around - I know my colleages at work love that I am always smiling (maybe not so much this week) but part of that is also the feeling that I am letting people down if I am not smiling ....and that leads to me not always showing my true emotions lots going through my mind right now but I think you get where I am at and possibly that I am overthinking things a little and not living in the moment ...but living day to day is okay when we need to get through times like this.

😊 It sounds like that really connected with you @Zoe7 ..... so try to breathe through it and let it all settle a bit with that new perspective. DBT has given you skills for softening that negative thinking and calming the fears .... sometimes just pinpointing where they are coming from and what is fuelling them is enough to help calm it all down and re-settle you.

Hugs ❣️

Thanks Hon - trying to let things settle a bit and take them as they come. I do think I am better at not trying to predict the future (and that it will be all bad) but living more in the present and dealing with how I am feeling right now.

Need to head to GP now @Faith-and-Hope but will check in again when I return home.

Hope you are having a good day at uni Hon

Hi @Sturgeon I don't think we have met yet so welcome to the forum and thank you for your response. I need to head out now but will look forward to getting to know you more

Hi @Sturgeon .... good to meet you 👋

Hi back & thanks, maybe you can clarify for me - I hope I'm not sighting personal conversation illicitly, they are coming in on my email hence I respond to some directly.

All the best 🌾

Not at all @Sturgeon. The forum threads are available to everyone. You are receiving emails of our posts because we have “@-mentioned” you ..... putting the @ symbol in front of your username causes you to receive a notification that we are posting to you. Once you have joined a thread (conversation topic) you will receive notifications from those threads. There should be a bell symbol at the top of your screen somewhere. Clicking on that will give you a list of your notifications.

😊

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