Lovely to hear you waking up to fur babies @Zoe7 . And i prefer your housekeeping style .... just doing something here and there towards a tidy organised house, as time and energy and commitments permit, which also includes a commitment to health and rest.
i said good morning to the coffee ladies from church this morning, and we have ended up in the same coffee shop, at different tables, by my choice. I did think about not coming here for coffee, but it is where I want to be, so I decided to come anyway.
Here’s the thing ..... the ladies are lovely, and I don’t mind sitting and chatting with them sometimes, but we are a generation and a culture apart, to begin with, and then start other variables .....
I have D2 with me. They really don’t know what to do with her, and they are polite and sweet, but I then have to manage D2’s behaviour much more, because she knows they don’t know her actual capability, so she starts drawing on their compassion to manipulate the social interactions, and take over. She is quite a show-pony at heart, but this is not fair to any of us. They don’t get to socialise with their friends the way they need to, I don’t get to relax properly over a coffee, and D2 gets to reinforce behaviours I am trying to diminish.
We also order something more substantial to eat, as our lunch is late and we generally don’t eat before church (cultural), and they order something light, and flour-based, which they then insist on sharing, but it’s food choices that I need to be careful with for my health recovery ......
Then, it’s also difficult to answer any sort of social questions about our life without revealing hubby’s illness, and there is a cultural admiration of thinness that has them admiring his “self-discipline” and making comments such as asking him for his secret, or following in his footsteps, and with English as a second language, all of this is too difficult and stressful to navigate.
I have decided to socialise politely with them, and share the coffee shop space, but not sit with them apart from the occasional time that the coffee shop is quiet - usually it’s full, so even trying to put tables together to add us on is difficult.
The members of the church my age had children growing up together and are bonded as a community. I will get to know them slowly, but again it opens awkward questions, especially as my mr. drops in on his way to The Coffee Place to light a candle, then leave ..... so it would be very difficult to expose his illness, but then expect everyone to keep the “secret”. All too hard. And some might not believe me and approach him to tell him what I have said, triggering massive upset on our honefront.
Church is another space in my world where I have to walk on eggshells around our problem, but it is also where my faith is planted, so I need to go and water and tend to that regularly regardless.
Challenges, huh ??! Being far and away from my western home-church is both difficult and a blessing.
