Far and Away

Sometimes 'people' need to stay in their own lane and not take over what you have always done - makes one feel de-valued - especially when things have been planned ahead of time and that is completely taken over. I know it is a feeling I will need to work through myself but very much annoyed this morning @CheerBear

IBK is sounding like she is settling in in her own way - hope she settles back down soon for you. They do go through so many stages so quickly so hope this is just a stage for her. She will hopefully find her place in the family and that will settle her too - a period of adjustment for all of you I guess with her running riot 😺

Motivation is a big thing - we both sound like we need a good dose of it today. You have kids to organise which makes that even harder - if I don't want to do anything then I can do that so much easier. Hoping very much a sleep soon will help but right now that is all I can really think about - can't even be bothered having a shower this morning but it is probably better I have one after working in the garage anyway - just no motivation to get up and get moving just yet.

It is good that friend and I are still messaging each other - I still need to have that tricky talk with him about something he told me - big red flag for me and still trying to process it. Having to decide really where second chances sit with me on this particular issue and if I can move forward knowing this 'something'. I wish I could right about it here but I can't - maybe that is a pretty good indication to me that it is not something I can get past - but again I need to have that conversation with him and take it from there.

Big hugs gratefully accepted @CheerBear and much needed

Those feelings you are having with tricky situations and boundaries seem to be weighing on you heavily Hon. Unlike you my friend is good with boundaries and he knows exactly where I stand with most things but this tricky situation is one that I listened to when he told me and needed time to process it before commenting - I do really need to have that conversation with him now I have things a bit clearer in m own mind. The 'situation' has many layers to it and is not black and white and I am trying to see his side but that also does not align with what I have always thought so that is making it a bit harder. I do try to take people as I see them and not let the past influence that - but this one might be a bit hard of a hurdle to jump over. What I do know for sure is that I do enjoy his company but it is only as a friend - certinly not anymore on my mind at all. ...and he may be leaving when he sells his house to travel so that is yet another consideration on how close we can get. Maybe it is a good thing he is leaving to travel - I have thought that that has probably actually made it easier for us both as there are no longer term expectations - and therefore no pressure. Trying still to take it as it comes but still navigating that tricky at the same time.

Rocket is a good name - so much better than IBK and Itty Bitty Kitty will grow so needs a grown-up name anyway. I love it New fur babies introduced into the household soon rule the roost - especially when they are super cute. Cat used to sleep on the couch with me until Toby got big enough to jump on there and now I rarely have her sitting next to me. She has been coming in onto the bed at night again though so I am waking up to a little purring angel - but as soon as I wake up and Toby starts jumping along the side of the bed then Cat gets off - she knows it is breakfast time and would prefer her brekkie than snuggles lol

I have decided that sleeping will probably make me even less motivated so watching the women's cricket and will then force myself up and about. Chatting here is actually helping - getting a few things out and I know you understand 'tricky' so well - even if I can't actually talk about specifics here.

Always love me some CB time too @CheerBear and you have been so much help to me since @Faith-and-Hope has been away - needed that person to bounce some things off and to understand without actually having to use words - that is gold Hon

I understand your oopsie more than you would know Hon - been there but not something I talk about under the circumstances I had to make that choice myself - too hard to go back over so I do get how this has all impacted you CB. It is not something that goes away but you learn to deal with it. My situation was a lot different - concerns for my wellbeing being high on the list as well as physical conditions making it nearly impossible to go any further - so decision was pretty much taken out of my hands anyway. You can't regret what you don't have but can mourn for the loss despite the circumstances - heartfelt love and hugs coming your way Hon 💛🧡💚💙💜

Heading out to my sister's place now @CheerBear but will come back to this thread and your post when I get back - but thank you for your kind words Hon - I also thought at the time of your really tricky that you knew I knew where you were coming from

@CheerBear I said I would come back to your post when I got back from my sister's. She was really chuffed that I would visit her just because I could. I often do that when I need to go to the shop or chemist but today I didn't need to do either - just a visit because I could!

We had a moment of panic when we lost Toby - the little bugger had somehow managed to go past us and was found in the neighbour's yard - than goodness the neighbour was outside and could tell us he was there. We think he couldn't find me because I was in the laundry which is just off the side of the back yard where he usually goes. Whether that is true or not he was a naughty boy going so far and not going straight inside - which he usually does - so he is now banned from their backyard unless supervised

As for your last post now CB - yes it is a very difficult position to be in under any circumstance. It does not matter how it happens - under any conditions it is something that no-one ever wants to have to deal with. Heart totally on the line here Hon - for me there was no real choice to be made under the circumstances and although that made it easier at the time it certainly has been something that has stayed with me since. A loss is still a loss no matter how it has happened and I feel that loss a lot. On the other side though I never wanted children - I could barely look after myself for so long so it was a blessing in disguise. I have never deterred from that view - I do think that everything I have been through from such an early age massively contributed to that view - I didn't want to bring kids into such a messed up world. I have never regretted my decision not to have kids and knowing it was very unlikely I could carry them anyway has helped but I often wonder what this one would have been like and where their life would have gone if the circumstances had been different. But being conceived as it was and then finding out I couldn't carry it anyway was a double-edged sword and in reality probably a blessing - some things are just not meant to be and I am also grateful that that was the case other wise I would have been tied to my ex forever also and that is something that would have ended my life in one way or another at the time. So I can certainly understand your decision and even more so empathise with your loss. There are no words that can make it feel any better inside of ourselves but we can rationally tell ourselves that the decision made was right for us at the time and that has to sustain us going forward.

Many, many hugs and so much love coming your way and even more so an understanding that is deep and heartfelt CB