Far and Away

I thought you would know I was with you but sometimes these things need to be said - even if it is just for encouragement every now and then @Faith-and-Hope

I may need to increase my data over the next few months (just in case lol) - I have a feeling there are going to be alot of walks and alot of 'venting' (and hopefully painting and gardening) to keep us both busy

Just as you are going to rebuild your house from the inside out - I hope that you, WH and the kids can all get to a point where the 'changes' are made and you can all repair yourselves from the inside out also.

Here with you always...

Zoe

Thank you @Zoe7 .....

From where I am standing, I have no real context about how "bad" it all is .... I know the e.d. is complex and unusual, but I don't know whether it's out of the ball park. I know ocpd describes a difficult nature, but is that difficult .... or OMG-Soooo-DIFFICULT-most-are-divorced difficult .... I dunno .... probably there is no actual textbook anyway, particularly with co-diagnosis of other things, which I'm guessing will be the case.

Will WH need hospitalising ? All I have to go on is what is written about less complex e.d.s, and the answer seems to be yes .... but I dunno ....

I do know that there is nothing on our radar between now and Christmas ... everything seemed to happen at a family level last year and this year is empty now that the o/s trip is cancelled. I think I am gonna be grateful that there is so much to be done around home, along with the walking, gardening and painting.

💜🌷

It is really difficult to ascertain the exact 'enormity' of a situation when you are right in the middle of it. Other than the fact that what you see other's don't - you also have your own defences up to be able to navigate your way through the 'quicksand'. It certainly does seem that WH's 'issues' are very complex and are going to take some time to not only come to light fully but also to be 'dealt with'.

I am going to tell you what I have seen from what you have written and I have read over many months now - I really hope I am not completely stepping over the line...

I do not think you are in anyway 'down-playing' the enormity of this situation. WH is controlling, abusive (and not just emotionally - the constant monitoring of where everyone is takes away any right to privacy that you all deserve to have) and displays narcissistic traits. Even though he may feel like he is being the 'provider' and 'protector' of the family he is infact doing the oppposite.

I do really worry about how much harder this is going to become for you - and the impact it is going to have. I do know you are one of the strongest people I have ever met - just through our conversations here - but there is also only so much that can be endured by any one person. I am genuinely worried about what is to come.

I really hope I haven't gone too far here @Faith-and-Hope - but it is all based on what you have written and my own experiences around these issues. Please forgive me if it is too much.

It's not at all too much @Zoe7 .... 💚

Its one reason I went and found a psychologist a couple of years ago and have kept myself under his care. He is keeping an eye on my mental health, and WH is aware that there is someone watching over me ...... there is someone I am reporting to ...... and he has no way of arguing with that.

At some point S2's pdoc will become aware of it too, and the other support services and people I have been accessing, which starts to build the bigger picture ..... that I have been trying to flag down attention and support for our plight for many years now. It won't be possibly to deny or over-write that fact, and that is a protection for me. The professionals can speak amongst themselves and exchange notes, hopefully reducing the amount of time I need to be involved in explaining any of this.

S2 going off to support classes, and if D3 ends up joining him .... all that is doable, and likely to be a soul-searching self-discovery for them, hopefully without any huge waves involved.

WH has alienated me to such an extent, I am hoping that whatever he has to step up and deal with he will be doing around me .... ie not wanting my involvement .... until he has been diagnosed more completely and we have more understanding about what the future holds in terms of ongoing support, CBT, DBT etc for him too. I have settled enough within myself now that I don't have to lead any sort of intervention. I can just keep repeating that I don't feel we have enough family support to be able to speak out about the issues. That way they have to ask more questions, and oerhaps deal with us one-on-one .... all of that providing more opportunity to reveal the issues safely.

I guess I have been considering my marriage over, and grieving that, for a while now .... so I am feeling okay about standing back out of the way as much as possible and just keeping myself busy in the background, while someone else starts telling WH that the cameras are not okay, and neither is the tracking of phones, etc ... and maybe his exercise commitments need to be revisited .... and his diet while we're at it .... and he can get as cranky-pants as he likes .... once that process has started I have no qualms about packing the kids up and going to stay with friends if he's not behaving.

The biggest issue is going to be breaking through his lack of awareness, and I have no idea how, or b whom, that is going to be tackled. Maybe it's already started, just with the ocpd dx and what S2's pdoc is unearthing.

I hope talking about our situation helps other people, now or in the future. That wil, give some value to our journey and what we have gone through.

You really are the most amazing woman @Faith-and-Hope

It's my faith that gives me strength @Zoe7 .... 💕

Whatever WH is projecting now has apparently always been there, but events / circumstances have "activated" it p, causing this "manifestation' of it .... that leaves me hope that it can be "unmanifested" and "deactivated" with the right support and teaching.

Its likely his love for his kids that will cause him, is causing him, to submit to the pdoc's enquiries in the first instance, and to whoever else we are sent to in the next instance .....

Its not all bad .... he's not a bad person .... it's just that the negative aspects have taken over for the moment and by baby steps, we have to push them back and strengthen the positives.

Hugs and lotsa thank you's .... 💐💐💐💕

The really sad side to all this too is that such behaviours are often born out of the individuals own low self-esteem and need to control what they have never been able to control - their life and those around them - to the extent that it looks like it has swing completely in the opposite direction. But underneath what is presented outwardly is often a scared soul trying to find their own self-worth - and yes - upbringing has a lot to do with this.

No thankyous needed Hon but I certainly will take all the hugs you have @Faith-and-Hope

@Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 do you have any music requests for your party(s)? ...and Soul wants karaoke somewhere in the week of parties - how do you feel about karaoke?