Far and Away

@Snowie @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope I have a GP appointment Thursday morning which is good as it is after my pdoc appointment Wednesday so if an meds are changed or increased my GP can do that. My pdoc occasionally writes scripts when we change something but it then all goes through my GP so we can keep it all in the one place - and they talk to each other when needed too so it all works well.

I have slept for most of today - I am falling quickly (and know it) so my appointments have come at a really good time. I cannot see that changing quickly either and am quite concerned about work. It feels like this year has been filled with obstacles despite me doing what I love - this latest hurt has floored me completely though - I felt like I was just keeping my head above water anyway and this has sent me under. I honestly do not know right now how I am going to pull myself back up

@Zoe7

I am glad you have got an appt. with your pdoc and your gp. You really sound like you need the support of them. It's also good to hear that they talk to each other, least they are on the same page.

Your mental health is more important then work hun. I know what it is like taking time off as a teacher. It's not a job where you can just front up too and put in just a little bit of work. It requires all your mental and physical strength. Work will always be there but you need to look after and care about yourself first.

Am here waiting to help you sweetie, I will always be here for you.

Hey @Zoe7 sorry to hear you're feeling a bit lost at sea at the moment. I hope your appointments are helpful for you, and that you're able to take some time to work out your next steps, whilst still looking after yourself.

You always have been @Snowie and that is more than appreciated.💙 Right now I do not know what I need. I made the right decision having this week off but the dilemma is if I sleep the week away I am not going to feel any better, but if I have too much time to think I will continue to fall into that hole. I have no energy or motivation to do any school work nor anything around the home. It is a lose-lose situation right now. Feeling so flat and in a fog - can feel the depression taking over

Thanks @Jynx I really just don't know what to do right now - it all feels a bit too hard. I know I have been here before and found my way out (eventually) but I can feel the darkness setting in. I know grief presents itself in so may forms for different people but it feels very much like that perfect storm right now where everything has collided and I have been swept up in the darkness.

@Zoe7 it's a tough place to be... I wish the storm would ease off for you. I get the sense that you're noticing signs in yourself that is telling you you're headed into that darkness - well if you're getting better at noticing then it follows you'll be better at finding your way through. In the meantime, we're here for you.

Sometimes it is hard to know what we need @Zoe7 in times like this, especially when you are going through so much at the same time.

Just remember that you have a whole lot of support here hon and will do what I can to help you through this painful time.

Loads and love and support coming your way 💕💕

Thanks @Snowie @Jynx Yes I can certainly see the signs and you are probably right Jynx - being able to see them can both help to head some of them off and get through the rest. It is the "I don't care" and SI thoughts that are hardest to work through. I know both are clear signs for me that I am not at all good. I am really struggling to process the events of the past week - still not wanting to believe it nor wanting it to be true - and until I can do that I will not be able to work through the actual process of grieving (I do know that but it is super hard).

I defintely need all the support I can get right now - and it is the simpe things that matter - a caring smile, a hug, a kind word, someone sitting with me and allowing me to 'talk' (even when I don't make sense or say things several times). I do have my fur babies which are a great comfort but there is only so much they can do. The really sad thing is that it would be my friend that I would talk to about all this off the forum - and that is making it so much harder

Dearest @Zoe7 ..... remember also that grief is a natural process that will follow a cycle ...... and part of that cycle is healing with time. You are in the worst part of that at the moment ...... so keep swimming Hon, keep doing that things that you know you need to do to support yourself, and try not to focus on how things will be next week or the week after ...... just day by day, hour by hour ..... and we are here with you. It is a marathon, not a sprint ..... gently, gently sweetheart.

Try to think for a moment, when you can, what your friend might have said that would support you to keep going through this, because in knowing him you know how he would support you, and you honour him by seeking that wisdom from him, even in his absence ....... I "know" my mother in me ..... there is much of him you "know" in you .....

Hugs and hugs and more gentle hugs ..... 💕💕💕💕🦋

Ohh @Zoe7 I have been thinking about you all day my friend. Again, I'm sorry this has happened.

XOXO ANGELS333