Alcohol & Personality Changes

Hi @Sahara

I can completely relate to that, my relationship with my father is very similar.

I have very similar craving times, just before lunch, or at the end of the work day.

I am really struggling with my identity disturbance at the moment. This week I have fluctuated from an almost monk-like renouncement of all worldly attachments and thoughts to now being incredibly vain and self-conscious of my physical appearance. This of course causes a lot of emotional stress for me, and it is likely I will hit the alcohol hard very soon. Fingers crossed I don't but that seems to be my M.O.

Hope you have a good Friday

Dear Nikolai,

No, drugs and alcohol are never the answer. I have bi-polar disorder and used to drink and smoke a lot of dope to try to get rid of the symptoms, but I always found myself feeling much worse the next day. I have suggested this before on this forum, but have you ever considered Alcoholics Anonymous? It doesn't matter whether you are having 2 drinks a day or 20, if alcohol is a problem for you please consider AA. My sister-in-law (who is your average middle class housewife) went to AA because she couldn't control her drinking - it was controlling her. She now hasn't had a drink for 5 years. It is a very welcoming, compssionate organization and well worth considering if alcohol is becoming a problem for you. Some people have an image of AA being for total drunks and derros, but it is not like that at all. There are people of all ages from all walks of life.

Consider it,

Ellu

Hi @Nikolai,

I can relate to you and your fluctuation between wanting to renounce worldly interests on one hand and on the other hand being self-consciously concerned with your physical appearance. I have those types of conflicts, too.

From all the reading I've done, something the Dalai Lama said stuck with me. To try and paraphrase what he was getting at: It's perfectly alright to want to do the normal things that everyone does to fit within a functioning society. For example, if you drive a nice car and it's very convenient and safe for you to keep driving it, then there is absolutely no need to give away your car and walk to work.... it would not necessarily increase your spiritual growth. Just be aware of the car, be thankful for it and don't treat owning a nice car as a means to inflate your ego.

So I'm thinking along the same lines... look after your appearance, present yourself to the best of your ability, nurture yourself, but don't use your appearance as a means to get carried away with ego.

If your appearance is not who you truly are, then it becomes less important how you look. You might still enjoy the physical appearance of your face and body and do all that you need to do to care for it, all the time realizing that it not what's essentially important. I guess you could say "take the middle road".

Does this make any sense?

Whatever you do, try not to let the conflict stress you out! I guess just allow the conflict to exist and be aware that it is quite harmless and can't actually hurt you. Think of the other stuff you can do besides drinking.... maybe listen to some relaxing music.

I hope you are ok, @Nikolai.

Thanks @Sahara

I find the Dalai Lama very inspirational, and think that quote is very applicable.

I will try and keep that in mind when I am feeling this way.

It's difficult isn't it, when you stress about being stressed. Seems like a viscious never ending cycle.

Yes @Nikolai, The Dalai Lama is ace!

I too believe we can renounce our attachment to a lot of material stuff and still live in the real world as real people.

I don't even think we can completely escape the feelings of attachment which we all experience.... but we can be aware of them and the way that they influence us.

I hope you are ok? Can you go for a walk and look at nature?

Yes, today is a new day, @Nikolai. I'm sorry to hear about your work-related stress. I think all jobs are stressful these days... I think the public in general have huge expectations of what can be done for them in a day.... it's like so much pressure now to do a mountain of work and have it finished 'yesterday.'

I think I've written this before a few times... but I am not an advocate of working. I always actively disliked work and didn't get anything from it. It must just be my particular personality coupled with always having at least some MI symptoms, most of the time. I just saw work as a great, heavy burden that sat on my shoulders like a dead weight.

At work, I always just acted a role. I was never genuine. Deep down, I never cared about my job and I always loathed my bosses, whoever they were. Like I said, I suppose I have some kind of pathology in the 'work' section of my brain. lol,

And yet... I would not say that I'm depressed. In fact, I believe I'm happy precisely because I'm not working right now!! Sorry to rave on, @Nikolai.

I'm glad you could go out and enjoy nature. It takes us out of ourselves to be amongst nature. So much beauty.

Anyway, lets not drink today.

Hi @Sahara

Sorry I have gone quiet over the last few days.

I had a few more big personal stressors occur on top of the ones I already had, and a huge meltdown.

I seem to be coming back from it now.

Of course I fell off the wagon pretty badly, but still trying hard.

How are you?

hello @Nikolai

just a thought. alcohol shrouds our feelings at the time of drinking. the feelings still have to go somewhere though. they usually get added to the ever growing pile. when feeling the need to have a drink and resisting the brain sends a message "well you usually have a drink of alcohol when you feel like this" increasing the temptation. confusing thoughts follow- in your case thinking about the past. The pattern thinking is still trying hard to tempt you. In your dream like state that pattern thinking starts working hence something that happened years ago that is unresolved. In your dream she was calm and forgiving. I'm wondering if this is your wish to resolve this issue. She gave you some card and some money. perhaps that represented her love and forgiveness. You returned her offering as you have plenty of love and forgiveness already present in your life. perhaps you have finally let go of her.

i am no dream guru , or crystal ball reader. i have just experienced many many dreams and some i have been able to work out.

i used to drink alcohol but it was not my friend. it affected me too quickly i gave up self medicating two and a half years ago.

first time i went out to dinner i drank sparkling mineral water in a wine glass. sometimes i have soda water with a slice of lemon. tried lemon lime and bitters too sickly sweet for my taste. occasionally if at a friend's or family i just have a glass of water. i also drink wine with alcohol removed - not grape juice it is actually wine that goes through a further process of having the alcohol removed from it.

well done on getting to day 3 - very hard - if you really want it you will achieve it. take care

Hi @Former-Member

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate your views 🙂