Alcohol & Personality Changes

Hi @Sahara

Just wanted to check in and see how you were going.

I ended up drinking way too much the last two months, but have decided to try and stop again, which made me think of you.

Hi @Nikolai,

I'm glad you wrote and I'm sorry I seemed to have abandoned this conversation. I actually went away on holidays before Christmas, then there was Christmas, and then another very short holiday for me, with one of my girlfriends.

I'm glad you are giving up drinking again! That is great news.

I drank quite a bit on Christmas day and Boxing day. Since then, I have had a few good weeks where I have hardly drunk at all... then other days where I have 3 or 4. I do believe my attitudes towards alcohol are changing, though. At this rate I could be alcohol free by the time I am 70!!

Anyway, I do notice that I am not craving it as much.

How did you do with the work-related stress? Was there any other trigger for you?

hello Pip

well done on breaking the cycle - 1 year is a long time. you had a lot of influence growing up re alcohol style of living.

you have a job now and be proud. yes you would feel freer and happier. I feel more myself.

I know it was self-medicating for my mental illness because my psychologist and gp stopped caring.

the alcohol only increased the level of depression. still that was then and this is now and now I dont need alcohol and neither do you.

stay safe xxxxx

Hi @pip,

thanks for sharing your story with us. You are an amazing woman to be able to turn your life around like that. You have been through so much. It really is inspiring.

I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to give up alcohol. It's something I think about a lot, now. Well, I have a bit of time on my hands..... I will say that I know what my triggers are. My emotions are fragile.... I can be going along feeling reasonably confidant and then something quite small might happen and I will reach for a drink, I lose my confidence really easily. I feel rejected easily.... it doesn't take much to upset me.

Drinking calms me down for a few hours, then afterwards, at least emotionally, things don't seem so bad. It's like I get through an initial "crisis point" with a drink, and then on reflection, later, I actually am able to deal with the associated emotions.... more or less.

I am not an impulsive person and I can resist urges to drink if I really try. And I'm able to delay drinking until a convenient time- ie, after work, after a funeral, after I've arrived home, etc. I can also stop at 2 drinks, or 3 drinks, if I really want to.

In fact, I believe that I use alcohol in the same way I use medication.. I chose a specific dose.

@Former-Member,

I'm sorry to hear that you G.P. and psychologist stopped caring about you. That is very troubling. Did you go on to find a new G.P. and psychologist? Did they help you?

I have been to see many, many professionals over the last 12 years or so. To be honest, I wouldn't know whether they genuinely cared about me or not. All of them were helpful, to a degree. They did their jobs... they did what they had to do. I got better because I took the medication and I managed to change my life around. I dumped my ex-partner and changed careers. I did what I could to help myself. I never gave up.

I suppose I never had very high expectations of what doctors and psychologists could do for me in the first place. (Which could be a result of working in hospitals most of my life.... I know exactly what they are like!) For most of them, it's just a job.

Dear Nikolai,

Congratulations on your efforts to remain sober. I know how hard it is - I also used to drink. It took away the pain for a while, but it always came back the next day. Also I just don't think it is a good idea to combine alcohol with medications we are prescribed for our illnesses.

Here is a radical idea - and please read this to the end before switching off. How about AA? My brother was an alcoholic (I mean a serious drinker) and his psychologist sent him to AA and he hasn't had a drink in nearly 10 years. You don't have to be an alcoholic to go to AA - they welcome anyone who is having any kinds of difficulties with alcohol. And the people you meet there are a real cross section of society - young people, young women, businessmen, students, working men...The thing is the programme works. So if you are serious about staying off alcohol I think AA is a great place to start.

You have understanding and support and it is much easier than doing it on your own. Please think about it.

Ellu

sorry, this got posted twice.

@pip,

that is so true. It's only the person themselves that can choose to stop drinking, with or without support. I'm sorry you no longer have your bf... it sounds like he was good for you.

I have a wonderful husband who is very kind and caring... but he does not think I have a drinking problem! When I told him that I thought I did have a problem, he tried to reassure me that I don't.

If he opens a bottle of wine and I tell him that I don't want a drink... he is respectful and will not pour me one. But if I say I feel like a drink, then he will offer to go and buy wine! I don't think he knows what a drinking problem looks like... and neither do I, really.

I have a variety of people in my life who absolutely "enable" me to drink whenever I like and I also have a group of people in my life who are the opposite this and who actually count my drinks for me. To be honest, the drink-counters are the most annoying and I don't trust them. They are all people who drink themselves- except for one. The one who doesn't drink but who likes to count my drinks is actually tolerable.

So I do not have a solid frame of reference for my drinking, so to speak. I get mixed messages.

But if I were to be honest- I would say that I self-medicate with alcohol and I believe that it has been a problem at times in my life. However.... and this is going to sound weird and controversial and I don't expect anyone to get it.... I think there have been times when alcohol has saved me.

There have been times when I have just been so low and I have not had anyone who was there for me. Rather than contemplate doing something drastic that I would surely regret, I have turned to the bottle instead. And after 6 or 7 drinks, I have actually felt better.... I know it is only temporary relief.... but it helps so much in the short term and then eventually I sober up and I am nearly always in a better frame of mind. I tried to explain it to my psychiatrist and she didn't say much about it at all.... she didn't say "I want you to stop drinking", like I thought she would. She didn't seem to have much of an opinion on it.

I suppose she would have written "alcohol abuse ++" in my notes!