Alcohol & Personality Changes

Hi @Former-Member

Thanks for your post on our thread.

As you have seen @Sahara and I both understand what it is like to use alcohol to drown out the world, I do not have Schizoaffective with voices, however I do have Bipolar with intrusive thoughts, so I think I have a pretty good idea where you are coming from on that one.

Congratulations on recognising your issues with alcohol and addressing them.

Hi @pip,

thanks for writing... and I'm sorry to hear about you bf- I also read about him in another discussion so I sort of know where you are at.

Before I met my husband, I was disappointed in love many times! It hurt. But fortunately the hurt does not last forever. It really helped me to think that I was never destined to be with those people... that destiny had something else in store for me.

I don't know why I would believe in destiny- but I do. I don't believe in much else!

Before I met my husband, I decided to embrace the idea that I could be single forever, that I could learn to enjoy it and that I would be fine. Lo and behold, I met my husband soon after that! I can't help thinking that my ability to accept being single had something to do with finally meeting someone nice, after all those years of trying.

Before that, I was probably trying way too hard and trying to make a square peg fit a round hole, so to speak. (That sounds connotative- it wasn't meant to!! )

Not that I think you need to take a page from my book, or anything. I'm just saying what happened to me.

As for drinking... Hmmm. I still don't know where I'm at. For one thing, I don't work, so I have a lot of freedom. I know there are people out there who love their jobs and would not give them up for anything... but I was never one of those people! If fact, I always detested working and longed to be free. Now that I am officially free (at least for a time), I find that I don't drink anymore than I ever did, in fact I probably drink less over-all.

As I said before, I get heaps of mixed messages from my friends and family, half of who are pouring me drinks and half of who are raising their eye-brows at me and counting evey drink I take.

Drinking always makes me feel happy and relaxed. I cannot think of any exceptions....yes, I can: once when I was 17 and had just been dumped by my first love, I drank too much and went on a crying jag. I had forgotten all about that! That was terrible. I watched what I drank for a time after that.

Anyway, about 2 months later I met another boy who I really liked- it didn't last long between us, but it helped me to get over my first love. Then I dated lots of boys. But I didn't drink much at that time. I dated while sober! Wow, it's hard to believe! That was 30 years ago, anyway.

Sorry, this is a bit of a long story.

How are you today, @pip?

Hi @Nikolai, I hope you are feeling a bit better. I have been having some adventures.... I went to the big city with my husband for a few nights, I also caught up with a girlfriend and then yesterday had a family get-together for a nice lunch in a restaurant, so of course all of these occasions involved drinking! I should not say "Of course" because there was no need for me to drink, but I wanted to drink.

Last night, I just drank lots of water and then slept really well. I feel good today. So after 4 days of having a good time, I will try and have an alcohol free day today. I will hopefully go for a big ride on my bike. I will also have a good time.... just a slightly different "good time".

Hi @Former-Member,

It sounds like you are recovering and that you are doing well on a stronger medications. It's good that you don't have as much of an urge to drink now.

I do not hear voices, but I have disturbing intrusive thoughts, like @Nikolai does. With me, I believe it is related to anxiety. I have moderately severe anxiety at times, but at other times I am perfectly ok. It comes and goes. I used to have major depression, but it does not seem to be a problem for me anymore.

I find that drinking alcohol effectively reduces my anxiety, but I also like to drink when I am not anxious, too. I am in the process of trying to reduce my alcohol intake.

I just felt like writing.... you know how I said I am very free at the moment because I am not working? The other thing is that I never had children and that gives me even more freedom, as I don't have to think about being a role-model.... or having that type of serious responsibility.... the type of responsibility where you have to be totally there for another human being.

One of the reasons I didn't have children is because I suffer from anxiety and I believe that I would be an anxious Mum. I would not want to put a child through that! My Mum was anxious and it was terrible for me.

Another thing is that I don't like society very much... so if I had a child I would have to raise them in a society that I don't even like.... how is that even done? I guess I would raise a child to be very alternative and to question everything... but would that really be of benefit to a child? Wouldn't it just make their life harder, if they weren't conventional and didn't fit in?

I like not having to be a role-model and to have to pretend that life is good and safe and pleasant so as to soothe a child and try and make them feel happy. To me, that would be an unbelievable burden! The burden of someone else's happiness. The burden of trying to explain the world.