not feeling good

You rest well too @Gazza75 hope tomorrow is not too long of a day. Chst tomorrow.

@BlueBay Have a good night. Take care.

lots of hugs @Meowmy , @BlueBay , @Gazza75

Hi everyone @Shaz51 @Gazza75 @Meowmy @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Razzle

@Owlunar and others following

saw my doctor. I was crying before I even walked in. Then a sad song was playing so that set me off even more.

I told my gp thst I wanted to end my end. He said he’s sorry I’m feeling like this. He says I’m improving what a joke. How can I be improving when I’m so depressed and can’t see any light. Told him finances are a struggling problem.

He said because of my illness BPD I can’t see the positives.

I told him I want out. I can’t do this. I told him I want hospital. He disagreed and said each time I go in I’m worse. He said he is here to help me and I need to give him a chance.

I really don’t know. I’m so fed up. I feel so damn guilty fir having a mental illness because I can’t wirk more hours.

It’s all my fault. We’re struggling because of me. I’m to blame.

I should just drive away

That’s the self-sabotage aspect of your BPD talking @BlueBay, and it’s really, really, really hard .... but we are here walking along with you in the struggles towards healing and wellness, and it sounds like your dr is too.

Hugs and hugs Hon. Try to remember all the wonderful years ahead with your little Ayla, and your kids, and other grandkids you may have in the future, and try to keep your thoughts just to this day .... hour by hour .... step by step.

Disteact yourself as much as possible from the negative and painful thoughts, and choose just one thing that you can do with this day that you are in.

Taking a walk will improve your health and help you to manage the thoughts and feelings. Can you go for a walk ? It’s not the solution to everything, but it is one thing you can do in the here and now with the hour that is before you.

Hi @BlueBay, I can hear that things are feeling really overwhelming for you right now. It's great that you've reached out for support. As a reminder, if you're concerned about your safety or you'd like some counselling support, please reach out to the following services:

• Lifeline 13 11 14
• Suicide Callback Service 1300 659 467

Take good care of yourself today 🌻🌻🌻

@BlueBay hey good afternoon. The sun is shining today.There always solutions, sweetie. If money is tight. You can ask for help

St Vincent De Paul，Salvation army, they can help with grocery ,some bills etc. With psychologist, there are also free counselling places. May be give Sane helpline a call. They can refer you to some services. Take care. It will get better.

Hi @BlueBay

I know - I understand - I have been reading that you have had a really hard time over the last few days - and yes - you know better than anyone when it's time for you to go into hospital however your finances stand and whatever your doctor says.

It must be so frustrating - as if you are not being heard when your doctor says that he doesn't think so - yes - it is wise to take professional advice when we seek the help - I have been reading your posts for a couple of weeks and you have been going downhill - and it is really hard -

Yes - it is.

It was planned by your psyche that you would go into hospital by this time - how long before he comes back from his holidays - regardless - sometimes we have to insist and you know yourself how you are - and you know better than anyone

And it certainlyl doesn't help with Huffnpuff saying rotten and sarcastic things to you and here we are - trouble everywhere and you are tired

But I do hear you - I have been flat out getting things ready to go away over the last few days but I did have the time to read what you were posting when I was out -

So - what do you do in the meantime - I know you get onto the Life Line chat line from time to time but you often have to wait there - I prefer to talk to someone and I usually know pretty much in advance what I need to talk about when I ring -

You have lots of stuff happening so sort out what seems to be the hardest one and deal with that one. I find taking a walk when I have too much happening in my head

I get it BlueBay - it's really tough right now

Dec

I just want to SCREAM

@Former-Member @Owlunar @Meowmy @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Gazza75 @Former-Member @Ali11

its rsining so no walk

laying here doing nothing

I’m really depressed.

I don’t want to do anything

thankyiu all for support

I’ve got a throbbing headache

need coffee

I’ve just hit a text from wirk. Fir the next 4 weeks I have extra hours of wirk snd also work on Saturday’s. That will help a lot with money. So that means fir the month I can’t even consider hospital.

Damn I’m just not good

I’ve lost so much if my life 10 years on MH anger frustration emotions embrassment ashamed

Im going I’m sorry

I need to be alone to think about my life

I hear you @BlueBay - I used to be there a lot in the past - I know how overpowering the feeling is - it's rotten

And I was in the pits yesterday - I did have things I wanted to do but I had to talk to Life LIne first - I pulled myself out of it - so you are not alone in everything but I get it

Some days we have to sit in the rain and endure it - we could ask ourselves what we would do if we could do it - we can imagine - we can cry - stamp our feet - life feels so unjust at times

Yes - you can think about going to hospital - you will have the money in a few weeks and you can do what you can to get onto the waiting list - which is what I would do in your place - you can use the extra money you earn for that - for time off work - at least you can think about it.

And if Huffnpuff cracks it and wants to do something else with the money he can - but you earned it and you can please yourself -

I had a lot of really bad years - I know it feels like a waste - but considering the time I spent feeling harrassed and exhausted with a child with MI and then grieving for him I feel all sorts of things too - but we can't change the past and I guess we do have a choice somewhere in the middle of all of it - maybe it's just a small thing to begins with - maybe it's just putting yourself first once - and seeing how that feels - it should feel pretty good

You are doing a fantastic job but missing the point somewhere - you are the glue holding everything together in a marriage that seems dysfunctional - you can be honest here and you are honest - life has kicked you in the face

And it is hard - I really get that - but you really don't have to be so hard on yourself - you are a much better person than you think you are

And if you don't want to work extra hours for the next month then don't - and I know that's easy for me to say and hard for you to do - but that could be the choice that will make all the difference

Sending lots of hugs - and wishing it could be a real bear hug too - I'm good at that and I come from a family that gives ritual hugs and pecks when we meet and then say goodbye -

Dec