not feeling good

@Bunniekins @BlueBay @Appleblossom @Owlunar Thanks for kind support. We all had a lot of sufferings in our lives, a lot to cry for, a lot to feel sad for. Much feel lost and angry and frustrations at ourselves for the adverse situations.

Thanks for being here for me. That makes it easier and less hopeless. This morning my Suicide thoughts came back a bit. The sense of feeling hopeless, major needs not able to be met.

I am sitting now at large window again at Mum ‘s house where I live.

Mum having a nap in TV room.

I feel like wanting to pour out all my tears, sadness ,loss, anger and frustrations to the bath. Let myself be drowned in my tears.

So I can be purified in those drops of sufferings.

I am watching the gentle waving of the trees outside and hearing the roaring of the winds, a few sounds of bells come through. I feel Powers of Nature nods at me. Saying hey hi, haven’t seen much of you before.

I was like a prisoner rare bird in my father’s enclosing arms and his mind after his death. Just starting to come into open space now at fifty. My body aging with injuries.

Hey everyone, thank you all for being here, pass here to say hi.

Thanks for care.

Hi @Appleblossom

I find it very hard to see the “grey areas”. All I see is black or white. All good or all bad. Yes or no.

I struggle with myself about my black and white thinking. I know I have a lot of work to do.

I could try your suggestion though. Thsnks.

I always put myself last. Everyone else first then me if I sm lucky and have time.

@BlueBay @Owlunar so sorry you are going through this. The day is a bit warm and the wind roaring a bit here. Hope you will find some comfort at home. We are all here whenever you come back.

Take care.

That you already have struggled with it makes it harder. @BlueBay

Idk mebe ... put yourself in the picture ... kinda like ,, an image of your family at play on the beach ... where it is actually a feel good moment for you all ... but bottom line ... your mind ... your rules ...

@Meowmy Glad you are freeing yourself from a father complex ... Your writing is very heart felt and beautiful Thank you

Hi @BlueBay

I'm really sorry you have had such a distressing session with your psyche - it seems he is not really aware of how important these forums are to all of us an how they hope us all cope - this is so not what you needed.

If you show addictive tendencies coming here to share your life and your experiences when we all show addictive tendencies. A greater body of minds came together to create Sane Forums to help people with Mental Illness and Emotional Discomfort than just him - how disappointing that he should have such a different opinion than so many other people

I know you find it hard to stand up to authority figures but there is no need to be - they are just people like ourselves with ideas and insecurities. They are used to having people disagree with them - and at the end of the day they go home to whatever lives they live and manage. They have to grow a hide or their work would demolish them and maybe they lose the sensitivity the rest of us learn and use.

Here we are not into annihilating people frailer and weaker than ourselves - we support and build each other up.

When I read your post last night I was so angry I had to turn myself off - What a narrow minded person! Now I am able to write more rationally.

Many people come here every day to share our lives. This is perfectlly normal - what about people who go to work? - what about him seeing his clients? People share with each other all day long - the Internet is just another medium.

You have every right to be here my gentle, crushed little rose.

Barbra Streisand sang a beautiful song back in the 60s

"People who need people are the luckiest people in the world"

We all need each other to share our lives and to maintain our beings through communication - you belong here

Dec

Thankyou @Owlunar

I feel very disheartened by my psych. He doesn’t have any skills in empathy. All he is good for is the meds. But for showing empathy he is terrible.

I felt like screaming at him yesterday.

My blood pressure is quite high and I have a throbbing headache again.

I’m not leaving the forum. I’m staying on. I need to talk to you and others. You are all helping me wirk through my issues. And if my psych doesn’t like it well bad luck. We all need each other.

I’m so lucky to have found Sane. It’s been the best thing ever.

Thsnkyou @Owlunar for helping me get through.

There is no need to think about leaving Sane Forums - it was set up for people like ourselves and as I said - a lot of minds came together on it - it's here for the people in Australia

What do you think would happen if you did let people know when you were angry? You are able to write about it here - cause this is a safe place - but in real life

It is possible - maybe they need to know when we disagree with their opinions - they don't seem to hold back talking to us - I have questioned them - it was okay - I felt better for that - I still do - ages later

I hope you recover from that headache - remember it's important to ring your doctor if your BP gets to high

btw - I see my doctor twice a week - sure - it's for medical reasons and I am in and out of his office in a few minutes.

"How are you? How's your back? How are you otherwise? What have you been doing? What are you planning? Okay - go and see the nurse for your treatment"

It's a bit of social life in my week - I find it really helpful to see the same doctor often when I go to the Pain Clinic - my doctor is supportive - we all need someone kind in our lives to support us through our different journeys

Dec

@BlueBay

I forgot to tag you in the above message

@Appleblossom @BlueBay @Owlunar @eudemonism @Faith-and-Hope thanks for care. I got a bit of my messy accounts done. Feel needs of connections. I am sure my issues will be life long. Another fifty years, I still will be working through those traumas since birth. The afternoon is late now. The trees still waving. The wind has stopped. Now the sounds of cars far and near, after work, going to and from evening classes or activities. I hear the sounds of the bus. Used to always dream one fine evening a bus will take me home ,to a place of true peace ,happiness and comfort.

But in life, we struggle on. @MDT @Zoe7 @Former-Member

Now evening sets in, I will prepare dinner for mum and I.

Hope to work off some tensions after dinner, before another day gone and night comes.

So the journey continues on, to a destination we hope and believe.

Fears so damaging lurking in darkness .

Hope prayers heard and eventually answered.

Have a good evening, every one.