not feeling good

Thanks @Former-Member but I don’t feel those things you say I am.

Im struggling today. Had a big cry at my doctors and now st home alone.

I wish I never had BPD. It makes me angry frustrated emotional very emotional so so quickly.

Its like a tornado going through my life. One minute I’m ok the next I’m a complete mess.

Im so over this.

Sirry im alone and feel crap.

Hi @BlueBay

BPD is a chronic condition - I have to agree it's a rotten condition full of landmines and like chronic pain - it can't be cured - only managed - and I feel for you and understand

Yesterday my back pain was very bad and I felt like crying too - and I went to my doctor who is sympathetic and did what he could to help but I really get it when you have BPD - I hear you

There are your issues with abandonment and boundaries which my son had and I did not understand until a long time after he died when I saw a psychologist who over several sessions asked me a lot of questions about him and as far as she could tell gave me a post-mortem diagnosis of BPD

So from your writing on the subject which has been extensive I have been able to patch bits of his story and your story and although it is not perfect I can understand better why his adoption was such as issue for him - I guess that was a pretty hard issue - he felt abandoned by his birth mother - and also - he gave me no peace when I needed it and now I see he did not perceive another person's need for boundaries - privacy - limitations

I imagine you are met with a lot of blank faces if or when you try and explain this to other people. I can almost see the stares of misunderstanding - people walk out of each other's lives here and there for whatever reason and put up walls for privacy and with your BPD this is terrible for you and makes everything worse.

It's difficult to write this - knowing how devastating you feel when your doctor won't see your for a mental health visit or your friends seem to shut you out - it does happen to all of us but for you - for my son - it seems as if there is a part of the jigsaw puzzle of your brain missing and it's all worse for you -

Of course you hate it - I don't know how to treat it - I only know what makes it worse for you. If there was a way for you to gradually learn how to accept it - as I do with my back pain - then life might be easier for you. It must seem to you as if there is no way out of the cycle - but there is -

You write of things being confusing for you - you don't always understand what is being said and you don't have the language skills other people have - I actually think you write well - some days you cannot and say so - but you can only work with what you have -

You often don't feel worthwhile - I do understand this - but this is only a feeling and not the truth - you are worthwhile and you deserve to be happy - it's tough but like everyone all you can do is accept where you are in the world today and work toward the better future I see possible for you

And although I can't help you with BPD I can be here - and say what I think is the truth - we all have limitations somewhere

Dec

@Owlunar @BlueBay @Former-Member @MDT @Zoe7 @Former-Member @eudemonism Hi everyone. Thanks for post @Owlunar had a bit of rush at work. Now quiet. Try to do my job best I can. I often so caught in my own mood that I was half paying attention to my job. My boss knows my situation. Just hope I can hold on to my job.

Still feel low as usual in the mornings.

Going to see psychologist this afternoon. Hope it will help a bit.

Need to get onto exercises later.

Thanks for care and support, guys. Wish you all a good day.

I hope the appointment with the psychologist is as good as it was last week @Meowmy You seemed to be more centred after that appointment and any moments of peace we can get is a bonus.

@Zoe7 @BlueBay @Owlunar @Former-Member @MDT @eudemonism @Bunniekins @Former-Member thanks for care. I think may be I wasn't treated with respect a human needed, now that I really find talking with forum friends help. I feel I am heard, cared for and supported here.

There seems to be so much I wish to talk, so much I need to express,so much I missed out because of his complete control of me.

I just need to go day by day, do what I can. Hope like @Owlunar said life will come on and there may be some happiness for me. Some fulfillment of my loss.

Thanks again.

Hey there @Meowmy thank you so much for updating us 🙂 I am wondering if you'd be keen on starting your own thread and what's been going on for you here? You can do so by clicking "New Discussion" in top right. I reckon you'll get a bit more foot traffic & support from the forums this way.

Thankyou so much @Owlunar for understanding me with BPD. I’m really glad that I’m helping you understand BPD and what your son was going through.

Im sorry that he went through so much. I can understand how he must have felt abandoned. I really do feel for you. It must have been so hard for you.

Im struggling with accepting my BPD and being abused as a child.

Im always so negative. My doctor wants me to really try and have a positive statement after feeling negative. I explained to him it’s not that easy because when I’m in thst state of so much negativity and been emotional it’s hard to change to been positive.

I was home alone before but then my d came home from the shops and decided we tske A to the park in another area. It was really nice. She is buying coffee for us now and A can have her lunch.

Sending you loving thoughts and hugs to you @Owlunar

you have helped me a lot. ❤️❤️

Feeling down unable to get myself out of this spiral

seeing psych this afternoon

better tell him about my decline and nightmares

feeling useless

Hi @Former-Member, working on behalf of SANE Australia. It comes from experience and a drive to help reduce the stigma of living with mental illness.

Hi @Former-Member @Meowmy @Zoe7 @Owlunar @MDT @Shaz51 @Former-Member @eudemonism @Bunniekins @outlander and all

I understand whatyou are going through @BlueBay as I also have BPD and it is the hardest disability out of my other diagnosis to deal with, its like living on a rollercoaster never knowing when you get a bit of a break and if like me there's always something around me that sets it off so easy, I have done the CBT therapy for it a couple of years ago but it hasn't helped, and part of that was when your in a negative mind to change it to a positive thought but just like you, its to hard to change as the idea doesn't even enter our thoughts, where to caught up emotionally to even go there. I got worse when my daughter left at 18 to go interstate and I still struggle with that now and it's been 5yrs we were vey close.

I' was seeing a psychologist but I had to stop seeing because my sons car broke down and I can't get public transport, so I'm hoping i get accepted for the NDIS so i can go to appointments and have some help again. It's so hard explaining to family about BPD and how it affects me that they just don't get it especially the abandonment part, and crying a lot.

@Owlunar I hope this helps you a bit as well, its not easy and never goes away, only helps when you can talk to people that understand.

@Meowmy hope your psychologist appointment goes well.