not feeling good

@MDT @Former-Member @Ali11 @Shaz51 thanks for care and support. It has been a week since I saw my psychologist for the first time. I will see him again tomorrow. @MDT To express some of my traumas. I was basically treated like a play doll. My father held onto me as his doll so tight, leaving me no space to be normal. It was expected all his emotional needs be fulfilled by me, or he just kept coming onto me over and over until he felt satisfied. He was always at the line of being inappropriate although no too much acts of indecency. Then he can just threw me out if he didn’t feel like playing with me. I felt obliged to fulfill all his demands when I was a child. I never thought I deserved respect as a human.

Now it’s hard for me relationships as I was never respected, I don’t know how to request respect. I can’t handle intimacy, finds it threatening and engulfing. Then I feel so lonely and disconnected alone.

I am fifty. Hard to imagine life rid of those stuff playing in my head over and over, day after day.

I am lucky I came through, have a job, somewhere to live at the moment, can pay the bills and physically healthy. And found the forum and so many caring people here.

thinking of you @Meowmy and walking with you tomorrow

as for me I was mentally / emotionally abused by my fath until mum and I left as I was sooo skiny and sick all the time

buthe kept rejecting me , walking on the other side of the road when h saw me , hiding in a shop as i walked passed , he did this until he passed away

I think it is still inside me still , when things happen, it resurface itself

I am lucky I came through, have a job, somewhere to live at the moment, can pay the bills and physically healthy. And found the forum and so many caring people here.-- I agree @Meowmy

hello @BlueBay , @MDT , @Former-Member , @Ali11

@Shaz51 @BlueBay @MDT @Former-Member @Ali11 @Zoe07 thanks post. Think there is always a major weakness in us, not having a firmly loving father in our lives. The feelings of being vulnerable and no sweet, loving memories of childhood and friends to hold on to.

I personally feel very exposed and extremely vulnerable when I have no main male friends in my life, to the point of emotionally not able to function.

There is a big hole there, lost memories of a male parent growing up.

May be with time and therapy and support here, we can grow stronger. And may be get some years happiness in life.

May be fifty is not completely too late.

Can still have a few more years to look forward to.

Take care and talk soon.

never ever too late my @Meowmy

Hi @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Ali11 @Zoe7 @Razzle @Owlunar @Faith-and-Hope

I’m having horrible dreams about one of my abuser. It’s horrible. It’s bad enough the childhood sexual abuse but these nightmares are just horrible.

Terrible headache throbbing. My blood pressure is high. I am seeing my doctor in the morning. Can’t wait. Early night for me.

Really sorry to hear that @BlueBay! I hope you've done something for yourself today to take your mind off them

Do you have a process for dealing with nightmares that's worked for you before?

No process on how to deal eith it @Ali11

I think my headache is because of this

Sounds like an early night would be a good idea for your headache @BlueBay Hope your blood pressure evens out too.