not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay

Luckily I had not put my heart and soul into this post before it disappeared - how does that happen? I used to know which was the drongo button that would bring back the last sentences but we are so much better now - and life does go on

I really hope this week is better than last week - you deserve a little piece of quietness in your life and it does sound like little A gives you so much joy - my daughter was a child like that - the rose of my life - Í'm so glad that dream came true and you have this beautiful child in your life -

Take it easy with your BP - get up slowly in the morning - jumping out of bed is a bad idea - I take it your doctor knows about these fluctuations and they can change your medication if it doesn't suit - not that I am at all interested in trying something else knowing how rough the whole process is

I want you to think about just walking out and getting in your car and driving down to the back beach when tensions build up at home - I used to walk out myself rather than put up with the strife and friction that builds up at times - and I remember one day on the beach when the salt spray covered my glasses until I could hardly see and my umbrella blew inside out - I asked myself what I was doing and realised then I would rather put up with the weather than be at home with dissension.

You really need to put yourself first at times - you feel like running away - I get that - so leave - knowing you will be gone for an hour at least - and play games with the coffee mugs - arrange them anyoldhow and let your husband huff and puff - let him get it out of his system

I am thinking of ways to work off the stress - one is to get out and the other is to keep your distances and let Huffnpuff get rid of his stress too - and walk away from people giving you shit - you deserve this - no one wants to live in a house with people carping at each other - it will pass - they are not always so crabby - but I do understand how damn frustrating it is and I really care about you

All the best today

Dec

Hi @Meowmy

I am alone too - I have been for a very long time and during that time I have found it to be a good thing - I can please myself and yes - there are times when I feel a bit uncomfortable but it does get easier as the years pass

After all - we can please ourselves about when we go to bed and get up - we can choose our meals and meal times - what we watch on tv - when we go out and come in - I have been entrenched in my own pattern of life now and like it - and I really hope you can find this sense of peace and independence too

It's harder to deal with emotional discomfort - I had severe depression a long time ago and I still have anxiety at times - as the years pass things to get easier - I have often mentioned this - it is a gift that comes with increasing years that does give peace - I feel it and I hope you do it. I don't know yet what your mental illness is but having had it in the past I know that time changes things and life improves and I wish you the best

Dec

@Owlunar @BlueBay @MDT @Zoe7 @saturnzoon @Faith-and-Hope

Thanks for kind post.I have a serious mood disorder and had lots of episodes of psychosis, now under control. I have a very sensitive mood detector, every slight stress or pressure will set it off.

A lot of struggles daily.

I am looking after my very elderly mother in early dementia whom I love.

I am fearful of a future without her.

I feel sad I never reached the Milestone of relationship or marriage.

Thanks for forum friends that I have the strength coming this far and keeping going.

Hi @Meowmy

Not reaching "The Milestone of Marriage" - that sound like a loss - in reality I wonder how many married people are living the "Happy Ever After" - the thing is you are alone now and you are reaching a place of understanding there I think - I hope so

Caring for your elderly mother with early on-set dementia must be hard - this is something I have faced and lived through - you love her and have no sense of certainty there except fearing life without her. Actually I wonder when someone has dementia it the grief of being without that person starts when they are still alive - it is a difficult situation. Maybe she is the only person in your life who has been there for you consistently - and now she is gradually leaving - really hard stuff.

And you have a mood disorder - it sound as if you have overcome the psychosis but it has left you vulnerable and any change in the emotional currents of life can affect you - I never thought of it before - but you have scars from your past MI and this is tricky - having been seriously mentally ill once you know the signs etc - I know depression is hard to deal with but to me it is not the same as psychosis or mood disorders - or maybe I interpret my own experiences differently because the cause came from outside of my myself and I was strong enough to overcome it - make changes - learn a lot from whatever I could and actually be very single-minded about my own life when I often felt as if I was being devoured by the needs or worse - desires - of other people

But I do hear you - you are free to talk about these things here - it actually took me a long time to open up about my past - gradually I have and it has freed my spirit - I hope you can find this too - I think you will - it seems to me you really battle with your adversaries and overcome some of them

But your mother though - that is hard - my mother was in care when she "lost the plot" - she wouldn't see me and I had to give up trying - I understand - when people have dementia they become different and everyone's story is different

Keep posting - some people come here for a short while - other's stay - I already sense you will stay - I really do hope so - I think you have a great deal to offer

Dec

Hi @saturnzoon

How rotten all of this is - and no wonder you are staying in bed in the morning - the days must be terribly hard to face

It's really wrong of your son to take your money - autism or not - it leaves you in a bad place and you and your younger son need that and what will happen you your family if your get evicted -

I don't know your situation - and btw - it's okay to just read the posts when you are not up to posting - we only do what we can here - and people understand - it's a wondeful place like that - we can be ourselves and other people whill support you but then

How can we help with your financial crisis? Can they really evict you for not paying one bill or are there others - are you able to get vouchers for your younger son to have some clothes that fit - and I don't know how bad your older son is with a spectrum disorder but it's still bad behaviour for him to steal your money and not pay it back -

But this doesn't help - does it? You have to focus on today's stress and it doesn't go away

Have you gone to the CAB - Citizen's Advice Bureau - I used to go there when I had to and they would give me a food voucher and sometimes some food to so I could manage until the next pension day. I really don't know how people manage on the pension now - the cost of living has gone through the roof in the last few years but there but be some help to get you through - esp your younger son -

Have you tried the Smith Family for him - that's another idea

Also - some bills can be paid by a smoothing account - power can - and maybe gas - I don't know about that but for years I paid my power by a set amount

You say you managed your finances well until this happened so in many ways you are now a victim of crime - I hope you can find some avenues to help you out of this - it's really tough on you

Thinking of your @saturnzoon

Dec

Thank you @BlueBay @Owlunar @MDT @Meowmy @Zoe7

I have been to Anglicare for help but they only offer assisstance once every 6 months and they helped me at the beginning of the year. We get support from the smith family for Jacob's schooling which helps. The real estate agents gave me a month to pay the water bill in March, which my son was supposed to help pay but he didn't and if I use one of my payments all on the water bill it would leave me with nothing for food or the other bills, our utilities are on a payment plan at least.

Dec I didnt even know about CAB I will check them out thank you.

It makes it hard for me as I don't have transport I can't go to community centers and I can't get pubic transport from my social anxiety and panic attacks and i have no family here, they live interstate and I don't want my mum to worry as she's not to well.

That all sounds extrememly tough @saturnzoon There are no easy solutions for you in this situation and I hear how much it is affecting you. It is never a good situation not being able to pay your bills or buy the essentials. Can you contact the real estate agent and explain the situation and then work out a payment plan for the water bill - that may keep them off your back for a little while longer.

@Meowmy @Owlunar @BlueBay

@Zoe7 @Owlunar @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Razzle

I swear one day I’m going to do something drastic

im sngry

we have no money in our account at all until next Wednesday

I’m embarrassed to tell you all how bad we are

we have to use our credit card and guess who is angry - huff and puff

I just got home and said have you bought dinner to which he says no.

Its now 4.30pm and A is cranky. I asked hubby if he could go and buy dinner. He went off in a huff and said I have to get petrol. I said you’ll need to use the credit card

he got annoyed and says oh we’ll never pay the card off.

Well what am I supposed to do.

Im nit working more hours.

And if he doesn’t want to wirk more well then he’ll just have to put if with struggling.

I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m venting. I am angry.

I better go begire he gets home.

@saturnzoon @Salvation army can also assist.