not feeling good

Thankyou for your understanding @Owlunar

i have no motivation today

don’t want or care to do anything

just sitting in couch couldn’t care less about anything including myself

motivation goals plans are all zero

I don’t know I’m so lost with motivation and energy

Hi everyone @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @Former-Member @CheerBear @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

another day of no motivation

I feel thst inside of me I am screaming punching kicking and running

have no idea what to do tiday

its raining snd it’s cold

I’m a pretty boring person

Suppose I better go snd have a shower

don’t know why

I am so stuck with no motivation no enthusiasm

im just a big fat blob who couldn’t care less

Hi @BlueBay

Would it surprise you to know that I am feeling really unmotivated today too - and most of yesterday - I think this sudden dive into winter has surprised us - I spent a lot of yesterday clearing stuff off my DVR - I had made my classic standby vegetable soup and tidied my kitchen but that was about it - I was flat - totally

You know - it is sad reading your thread when you are so unhappy - but it is also interesting because somehow you manage to do things about cleaning your house - or you are telling us how you get through the really dark hours and also - stories about A and D - and maybe D and her partner will get back together - one son is a policeman and the other nearly finished his degree - this is the stuff of your life - and for light relief Huffnpuff sorting the cups endlessly - aw -

I don't mean to be flippant but I do read about your life and I know it's a long uphill fight for you and things don't go your way often enough. But boring? No. But to you it is - I am looking for a word - yes - for you it lacks enthusiasm - I get it - I hear you.

I feel like that today - I am going to take a look at my weather app which I enhanced while I was away.

Now that was unenlightening - we have a high chance of rain today - but warmer than yesterday - and tomorrow will be mostly fine and on Tuesday it will be warmer - the weather this weekend has a lot to do with Seasonal Affective Disorder - SAD -

I gather there is little in life you find pleasant and interesting - you do have little A around and then there are the amazing hand crafts you do - but I remember - back in my dark days over 30 years ago now I played classical piano - in all the years between I have lost that skill but I still play - and sometimes I felt as if my studies and my piano were all the kept me going - do you feel that way about A and your knitting and crocheting? Would you enjoy them more if you felt better in yourself?

It's tough BlueBay I know this - and you are so angry it drains everything from your life - I used to be very angry and felt I had a right to it - it has gone away through the years but I remember thinking that people who tried to cheer me up had no idea and in truth - they didn't. I was told I had a bad attitude and I resented that - now having "attitude" is considered gutsy - but not then.

Somethings happened when I was young that I don't write much about - luckily I was older and stronger than my brother so he never got very far with his behaviour and I stopped telling my parents about it because he used to get into so much trouble. I hadn't thought much about it for years but lately something reminded me about that and I thought of you being too young to fight your brother off and it has caused me to rethink a lot - you do have a right to your anger which causes you to beat yourself up so much - it is a very sad thing that this is happening.

It stops you from finding the good parts of your life to be rewarding. Nothing can change the past but the anger you have is destroying you and I understand why more now. No one cared - now you have therapy but still - the truth is what happened when you were a child - if only you could let that go - if only the people like myself and other people here could get you to understand and really see yourself - you might let go of that anger

I think I am learning so much about different life issues through what you have the courage to write - you are adding a dimension to my life and I have no doubt this is happening in other people's lives too - think of the people who never add to the threads but are members here - and then the people who don't join the forum but read - and not just what I write as I really work to understand - but they read your story too -

You do have an impact that is positive - your day to day strugges are massive and I am gradually building up a picture

Today is the pits - I am having a very flat day too - weatherwise it's a really bummer

But you are an important person in our lives

Dec

Ho Hum - there are days when it can only get better

You are a very special friend yo me @Owlunar ❤️❤️

Thankyou for your continuing support.

I had tears reading your reply. I don’t know I am really down this weekend and yes the weather plays a big part. I agree with you.

I have decided to really cut bsvk on my carbs. I need to lose some weight. Going to be hard for me being Italian!!! No bread no pasta or rice or potatoes. I stir fried some fresh veggies and put them in two containers for Monday and Tuesday for work.

I’m also boiling up some veggies to make a blended soup for work fir rest of week. And A can have some too.

Now im going to make a banana and date bread. Have 3 very soft bananas. My d will help make this one.

Its weird I’m all of a sudden motivated.

This afternoon I will rest and Msybe have a nap.

@Owlunar You always say the right things. The things thst mean so much to me. You have been a great support. And I always love reading what you have to say.

I’ll also ring my GP tomorrow about my fast heart rate. See what he says.

Whst are you doing today? ❤️❤️

Hi @BlueBay

I write what is in my heart - when I first joined here nearly 3 years ago I had no idea really of what this forum was meant to be - a Peer Support Programme - and therefore up to the members to be honest in what they think - that is not at all easy so it sometimes takes me a long time to write - but it is honest - it's what I really think and the truth can sometimes be really hard stuff - but that's all I will write - the truth

Cutting back some carbs is a good idea but don't cut out everything - stay with the wholemeal bread because you need something to hold the vegetables together - I eat wholemeal bread - but no potatoes, rice or pasta - I eat a lot of vegies and really missed them when I was away - I was eating fruit, yoghurt and protein bars - and baked beans - I had fish and chips and didn't feel crash hot afterwards - and toasties -

I was glad to get home and make my vegetable soup - I add barley to it - this helps to add to the protein content of soup esp if there are peas in it

When people start a diet there needs to be a little pleasure in it somewhere - so add in a treat now and again - dark chocolate is a good substitute - just have 4 squares - there is little sugar content and it doesn't seem to make me want to eat any more than that

It would be hard if you are used to eating a lot of pasta - I do understand that

But you need to exercise so even though the weather is turning wintery it's good to go out and walk when you can - and

Would you believe it has just started to pour with rain again - how disappointing!!! Aw

I am starting that time of year when my memories can get the better of me - I hope that the sorting out I have done through the last months will stop the triggers - the last therapist I had really made me think because I thought she lacked something I had experienced with other therapists - maybe I saw something fragile in her but I asked myself why I was paying a lot of money to tell this woman what I already knew and she was charging a lot more than the medicare rebate -

So for me it was the end of wanting to talk to therapists - I talk to Life Line now and again and this works well for me - I did write something about how to get the best out of a call to Life Line some weeks back - it was only a short thread - and I do get a lot out of my few calls there - a lot has to do with really understanding my past and it takes a therapist to get that far - last year the hard memories I had of my son being in Juvey were less and I think I wrote some of the details in my thread yesterday. That was a bad year - no wonder I was so stuck -

I think I can be sure that for you years will pass and maybe Huffnpuff will become your past - I doubt he can change and be a decent help to you - support you as he needs to do - or maybe you will break from him - but whatever you do - things will improve. I really believe you will come to a place in your future when you will see as I did that the past can be a tangle impossible to sort out but when you manage that - all the problems will seem less

I will let you know - as I got through the next few months I will be able to tell how it works

btw - today would be my wedding anniversary - it was over half a century ago and strange - I can remember it clearly - I knew I was making a mistake but went ahead - we are all young once - the passage of years makes such a difference - we learn I guess

Enough of my rambling - take you life one day at a time and use your time with your therapy to sort out the tangles in your past

Sending more hugs

Dec

that is why I call you my second mum @Owlunar

hugs my sister @BlueBay

Thankyou @Owlunar ❤️❤️

Hi @Shaz51 ❤️❤️

I don’t want to be here today. Feeling horrible depressed and hate this life

Hey there @BlueBay I am sorry to hear how heavy everything is feeling for you right now, you're definitely not alone and are beyond deserving of some extra support. It's such a great sign of strength to see that you've reached out for support here on the forums.

Do you think it's time for one on one support? If you're concerned about your safety or you'd like counselling support, you can reach out to the following services:

Lifeline 13 11 14

Suicide Callback Service 1300 659 467

That's so sad @BlueBay

We all only have this life and for you - your's is such a bummer -

Okay - obviously something needs to change - I thought about this for a while and there is only one person who can do this and that's you - so I thought about this for a while

If you could change one thing - one thing you could relalistly alter - what would that be? Could you do that? What would it cost you? How would you implement it?

There is an old saying - "Why sit in the darkness when you could light a candle?"

I will light one for you - hopefully one little candle burning in my house for you - and for myself today - might give you hope

But hope for what? I know - I almost heard you right then

Dec

Though all lights can go out - let this little light burn through the dark hours for youActually it's a much bigger candle than I thought