God yes !!!! @BlueBay
I understand the loneliness - I really do - when I was married I felt terribly lonely - I had a social life - my ex-h and I lived totally different lives - and we had two jobs each and hardly spoke to each other. When my daughter left home our marriage was over so yes - I get it - I have been along for nearly 30 years and never felt the despair I felt when I was married. It was worse than living with a statue because at least statues don't try and clutter up the house with their hoarding - I was constantly getting rid of things people gave him to give them a good home
Yes - I understand lonely
I had a look at your work hours again and I get it - you deserve that half hour pay you are losing - I think that's a cheap deal your boss is giving you but then - I ask myself
You do have a lot of health problems and actually - can you work longer hours? I had been on my own for some years when I had to take early retirement because of my back problems - that was hard - I was on my own and being on disability was a relief but I managed - there are a lot of services to access and I think I was actually lucky with the help I got
I have mentioned going on disability to you before and you have decided against it - it would be a lot easier for you - a really bad choice Huffnpuff makes when he puts you down and blames things on you when you are working so hard - I think I get it that he has problems himself but this is so unfair -
There is no shame that you are battling financially - this is the hand you were given and not at all your fault - I understand a lot of what you are saying - I am not always happy myself but I allow for that - somewhere - sometime in the past - I allowed for the truth that we do not have to be happy all the time - also - we don't have to be unhappy all the time either - maybe I learned to roll with the punches because my life has sometimes be really terrible - I have had depression myself and been really lost - and anxiety is still something that happens. I get it - but what have I done to make it better for myself
I think going back to school and self-educating was a big thing - I didn't get it handed to me on a plate - I did an accounting diploma when I was a teenager and then did my Honours Degree as an adult and it was not easy - but it gave me the confidence of being a person with self-knowledge - I learned to speak out
It's late in life to do that now and you have a lot of obstacles to overcome. I am sure you could find a way to make it better - but that will be hard - everything worth having is hard - not everyone has a bubbly nature - I don't. I can be friendly and outgoing but I also have times when I am withdrawn -
I am trying to think of something valuable to say - I think that it's important to put the past behind us - yes - it does intrude - I really know that - but giving it a short time to have it's say is important but then - getting back onto our feet is important too
I read everything you write - I always have - I find it hard to be forthcoming about the hard parts of my life though I am learning to - it does help to share them - it's hard for me to write this post
Perhaps it's time to stop with the lessons but I do hear you - we need to do the best we can with each day and it very much seems to me that you do - but it is hard for you - very hard.
I understand your loneliness BlueBay - I really do - sometimes people are terribly lonely surrounded by crowds of people - lots of friends - family - whatever
And alone - I am not - sometimes I feel alone but not lonely - I was alone at Lakes Entrance - by that lake I love so much - and I thought of you so much up there -
When I was married I was lonely - terribly lonely - yes - I understand
Dec
