not feeling good

Hey @BlueBay, it’s really nice to hear you’re getting some quality family time at the beach, and away from the hospital. I hope the fresh air has kept your spirits up! I’ve been keeping cool in the library, and managed to have a few spontaneous social moments over the last few days which have been really good for my mood. Sending you hopes for a good sleep tonight xoxo

hugs my sister @BlueBay

@BlueBay . Sounds like you had a fabulous day !! You sound far more relaxed and calmer than before you went to hospital. ❤️❤️

Regarding feeling like you have no emotions, I felt like that for a long time. I mentioned it to my councillor, I said I felt nothing, that I was an empty shell. He told me that feeling nothing is still a feeling - it’s just a different emotion, that

my emotions were just changing (as opposed to feeling anxious, sad, angry). There’s more to it of course, but it was just a stage in the process of connecting myself to an emotion - something I rarely do. I tend to withdraw and close off than feel emotional - why I feel nothing, but I’m working now at connecting the right emotion to the situation. Still lots of work to do because when it all gets too hard I retreat, withdraw and block all emotion - the empty shell feeling.

Ive heard good things about The Barefoot Investor. I haven’t read

it but I did see an interview on The Project with him - sounds very interesting.

Big day for me, up at 5.45am, drove to the capital city for a baby shower, about 4hrs away (my first grandchild is expected in the next month or so) and then 4hrs home again. My brain is too switched on now to sleep. My husband is at a bucks party, when I left the city he was about 100kms from home. I texted him when I got home, and in the space of the 4hrs it took me to get home, their party has travelled 50kms. They are stopping at 1 more pub and then he’ll be home. I’ll sit up a bit longer, until I feel sleepy, but I think I’ll be asleep before he gets home.

I hope you enjoy your day out again tomorrow, especially with that beautiful little grand daughter of yours. I hope you also get another good nights sleep ❤️❤️

Morning everyone @Razzle @Shaz51 @soft_edges @Faith-and-Hope @Owlunar

@Former-Member

Another nice day yesterday. Went out fir coffee with hubby then to the beach for a few hours.

Had lunch st home and played with Ayla. Our son decided to come down and visit which was nice. He and my other son decided to take us our fir coffee. Which was nice. Then hubby took me back to hospital and a friend decided to come snd see me, which was really nice. I also bought some more wool fir a granny square blanket I’m crocheting. Here is a photo of the ones I’ve completed. Never did this before but I looked st a tutorial on YouTube. It’s now easy 😊

Hi @Razzle surprisingly I am feeling a little more relaxed. It’s funny, yesterday the mirning nurse asked me how I’m feeling and I instantly said “I’m feeling relaxed”. I haven’t said that to someone before ever. It’s always “I’m not bad or ok”.

Feeling no emotions - Msybe things are changing for me. Not sure.

I understand what your counsellor is saying about no emotions.

Gee tiny dud hsve a big day in Saturday.

Did I read this right ? - you are going to be a grandma soon?

If yes - omg that is so exciting. I’m so happy for you.

For me having a grand child is the best thing. She has changed my life, the love I have for her I csnt explain. She is the reason I am here. I give her so much love and she gives back to me.

What did you get up to yesterday?

hope you slept well last night.

@BlueBay I’m so glad you are feeling relaxed. Feeling anxious, sad, and angry all the time is so draining, it’s not pleasant at all, so I am so happy that you feel a lot calmer now.

Yes, I will be a grandmother soon. I wish I was excited, this is my first grandchild and I should be over the moon - but I am filled with dread and extremely anxious about it.

My son and his partner a very young, and they really don’t know what they are in for. My husband and I will basically be financially responsible for them. They are living with her parents at the moment, and we are desperately trying to get a rental for them to be out on their own - mainly so that my son will have a say in what’s going on and not be bullied into doing everything their way. We will have to pay the bond and most of the rent and probably most of their expenses for the first year.

We’ve told our son he has to get part time work (he’s also full time at uni) but her parents have not been pushing him to do anything while he’s been living with them. They want him on hand every spare minute after the baby is born - we’ve told him we will help financially BUT he also has to step up and earn $$ because we are not paying for everything. If he doesn’t get a job, or if he drops out of uni then we cut the money off. They decided to have this baby, they need to step up and support it - that’s not all on us.

When we are around my son and his partner, I wear the mask, pretending everything is sunshine and roses - when in fact I feel so sad and depressed. There is a huge part of me that feels the relationship wont last, that the minute something doesn’t go her way she will run back to mum and dad and it will become a battle to ever be able to see the baby.

She treats my son like shit now, in fact she treats all of us like shit but we have to stand back and take it so as not to upset the apple cart. She hasn’t been looking after herself while pregnant, and there is now every chance the baby will be born early and sick. There have been times in the last few months when she’s eluded to the idea that the baby may be born unwell, it’s almost like she wants it that way. I don’t know if it’s a sympathy or attention thing with her, but for now she seems to be doing everything she can to ensure an early arrival of a sick baby.

I have been shopping for the baby, hoping it would stir up some kind of emotion for the baby, but I just don’t feel anything. I can’t help but feel this whole thing will end up in disaster. God, I cry so much about all this, I cry for my son, I cry for the baby, I cry for myself - but in front of everyone I’m the happy, soon to be grandparent. I hope I’m wrong, I hope everything turns out

for them, but right now it just doesn’t feel like it’s going to go that way.

Omg @Razzle I’m sorry for mentioning it. I really feel for you and your husband. Under so much stress and pressure is horrible. And having to help your son with the finances is going to be tough. I do understand how you want to help your son because I would hrlp my kids too. All of this just puts pressure on both of you.

I’m really sorry you’re not feeling excited. I really am.

I hope your son continues uni and finds a part time job. He needs to be responsible as well. It can’t just be all on you.

Sending you loving hugs ❤️❤️

Hello @BlueBay

What a turnaround for you! For you to say "I feel relaxed" I am thrilled to bits. I really do hope this is a sign to come, of things finally taking a turn for the better for you. I expect finally getting a handle on all the physical issues will also help. Do you still have more tests to do or results to come in?

I very much agree with you about grandchildren BlueBay. I am a grandma 6x over, but still love it. Wish they didnt grow up so fast though. My youngest are now both 6yo, though 6 months between the two. My eldest is now 21. Makes me feel very old! Although his Dad is actually my step son, so I guess that makes a little bit of difference. I have no children of my own. My husband made me agree not to have children when we married when I was 36yo. He had his 2 already. Although I sometimes regret never having the opportunity of having children of my own, I do get on well with my 2 stepkids. And the grandkids all treat me as their grandma, regardless of the fact that their real grandma (my hubbys first wife) is still around. Actually I get on well with her too when we meet up at the inevitable family get togethers.

And may I also pass on my congratulations to you @Razzle for the impending arrival of your first grandchild. The circumstances do not sound ideal, but no problems are insurmountable. A way through will be found.

BlueBay its good to hear you are getting out and about regularly from the hospital. It must make it seem less restrictive and somewhat more like a respite arrangment with treatment included. I'm happy for you. Is there any talk at this stage about when you are to be discharged? And if so, are you happy with that? I really hope that all the physical tests can be done before they consider releasing you. And also that you are through the worst with regards to medication withdrawal. I expect that will take some time, so I would hate to see them rush your discharge.

Keep up the good work, and I hope your general upward trend continues. Keep us informed when you can.

Sherry 🧡

@BlueBay, don’t feel bad for mentioning it. I really should feel excited, I just can’t help but think of everything that can go wrong. They really are very young to be having a baby, it will be a lot of stress on themselves and their relationship. Hopefully when the baby arrives I will feel something, I just don’t feel it yet.

Thanks @Former-Member. I know it will all work out, just can’t stop feeling anxious about it at the moment