not feeling good

@Faith-and-Hope @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @Former-Member @Razzle

I’m sorry for posting so much lately - but I’m really sngry this mirning. Just woke up snd want to scream and cry. So much pent up emotions inside.

Anger anger anger

just leave me alone

i have no one close by to talk scream hit punch or even get a hug

I need to release pent up emotions

I’m sorry I keep writing on here.

Don’t be sorry @BlueBay .... that is what here is for ❤️

Are you heading out flr that beach walk early this morning ? It’s going to be cloudy, but warm and humid, by the looks of things.

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

I don’t think I’ll go for a swim today. It’s very fresh. But I’ll see I might go diwn this arvo with my book.

I’ve been up since 6am

Ayla doesn’t understand the word “sleep in”!!!

i will go fir a short walk (my hip is sore) and then grab a latte at local cafe.

Put a load of washing on.

I feel like crying so much.

Im also worrying and anxious about meeting another new therapist on Tuesday. She works fir SECASA (childhood sexual abuse). It was recommended I try some trauma therapy with these people who are specifically trained.

But speaking with my psych a few weeks ago he thinks this may re-trigger me. I’m scared this may be the case. I’m going to see her but it may only be a one visit. Nit sure. I’m getting too confused. At present I’m seeing -

1. Psychiatrist fir meds/hospital

2. Psychologist (regular one)

3. Psychologist at local hospital through Mentis assist (no charge) this is a regular thing

4. SECASA therapist (no charge)

seeing her this Tuesday

5. ACT therapist at clinic in Melbourne specifically for BPD (no charge)

now do you see why I’m so confused

I feel so overwhelmed

I can absolutely see how and why you are feeling overwhelmed @BlueBay. Sending lots of hugs your way ......

Here is an image that might help you to feel a little less overwhelmed, and begin to see all your support people as just that .... support.

Try to picture yourself for a moment with a broken leg. You would need plaster on it. You would need crutches to move about your general area. You would need a wheelchair and someone to push it to go further afield. You would have needed an x-ray, and an initial doctor’s visit to diagnose the broken leg, and you would need pain medication.

All of that would seem overwhelming too, but you would also be able to recognise your need for all that support, and that fact that it was all necessary for your recovery. I can help to think outside the mental health area for a moment and consider “regular” illness and injury this way for a moment, just to help adjust your view, and hopefully help to reduce sone of the anxiety of that different areas of treatment happening beside each other.

You are receiving all this support and treatment because there is something in your life that needs this much support and treatment to heal it, or at the very least, stop it from impacting your life as much as it is ..... and as the supports and treatments begin to work, and work with each other for a more effective result, your need for them will gradually reduce.

Its a lot @BlueBay , but it’s also dealing with a lot ......

Take deep breaths when you are feeling overwhelmed, and try to stay in the moment with the next 24 hours ..... that’s all we are designed for ..... taking each day at a time ..... park up tomorrow for tomorrow and try to keep yourself from spending tomorrow’s energy today along with today’s energy .....,

Breathe ..... wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a big cuddle from us - your forum friends.

❤️🐚💕

Hi @BlueBay

I will post later when I have thought about what you have posted - I feel I need to give it time for myself to process

Though I will say I suport the idea that if Huffnpuff sorts your kitchen out again you tell him you need some space in the garage and you are about to move some stuff around there to make yourself a little corner where you can get some peace and quiet when the house is full of people making noise

But I will think about it and write later -

Dec

Hi again @BlueBay

CASA is good - and I would hate you to miss out on what they have to offer and I also ask myself if seeing a lot of different people about the same thing is helpful - it might be or not depending on you

So I did think about your situation and remembered my own - in the darkest times I wanted to talk about the things that bothered me over and over again - and time passed and I realised that I knew the story and didn't need to tell people all the time - and maybe you will reach that place too - when it is time and when you are ready

But I still do now and again

Do you feel as if they people you are talking to are listening? - or if listening - are they hearing what you are saying?

As a child you were assaulted several times and traumatised - you unconsciously buried the memories and I have done that myself and know that as a small child there was nothing I could do about what had happened but it was there - and I have read several times that you had repressed memories and they are so hard to deal with - yes

And your mother did the really rotten thing to you - telling you that you had ruined the family - and you couldn't possibly to that - the problem is you believed your mother

And then there is the situatiohn at home - now - the past can't be changed but the situation at home can be. Your daughter and Ayla moved in and your son moved out and maybe the balance will be restored now your daughter and Ayla have their own room - but I understand the changes are hard for you - but to me the main problem is Huffnpuff and his OCD

Whether he wants to do something about it is up to him but you know that old saying - there are none so deaf as those who do not want to hear - he thinks he's right yet he does have a problem and this is rough on you

So my suggestion - and it's only a suggestion - is that you stand your ground in the kitchen and pantry and insist this is where you have your space and this is your ground and really let him know you will not tolerate his messing around in your space and fussing about the bloody mugs and stuff that doesn't matter to you. You will do what needs to be done in the time that suits you - the house is clean and tidy, chores are done and meals are cooked so what's his problem?

In other words GET OUTA MY KITCHEN

I so understand that

You are making a decision when you decide to say nothing - and I know making an active decision is hard for you but still - I know you are sick and tired of the way things are in your life and you can make a stand about your kitchen

I thought about this and I wonder if what I have written makes any sense but one thing I can share is over and over again I told my ex that we needed to talk to each other and that I wanted a divorce - he never heard me - I understand now that he was lost in his own stuff but never shared with me about it -

But regardless - today has enough stuff in it to really fill your mind without bothering about tomorrow's problems - tomorrow has new ideas already just waiting for tomorrow - I love what @Faith-and-Hope said about tomorrow and parking it until tomorrow

I am really glad you are putting your toaster where you want it. That's a start - a small step can lead to bigger ones - I will be interested to hear what happes

btw - just sharing this pic for you to print off and show Huffnpuff - the kitchen could easily get worse if you stopped attending to the really important stuff there

Dec

It could always be worse Huffnpuff

Hi @Faith-and-Hope i do understand the analogy you wrote. I get it.

Tomorrow is another day. All I need to do is get through today. Xxx

Thankyou @Former-Member @CheerBear for your support.

I will go on Tuesday and see this new therapist. But I will tell her about my psychs comments about triggering.

It might be a lot of questions first.

I guess like you both say they will guide me by how I’m feeling. I’m sure they will check in on me and stop if things get too bad.

I know I’m nit very good at staying with my emotions. I tend to run eith them and then go into my own little world.

I’ll keep you both posted. Xxxx