not feeling good

here with you @BlueBay

Hi @Owlunar I had a laugh when I saw the picture at the end.

I think at the moment sll I can do is go to the session. She whst she’s like snd talk to her about my triggers. I think she needs to know upfront exactly how I’m feeling.

I sometimes feel my psych isn’t listening. He is all about meds and hospital. And every time I get emotional I can see he finds it difficult.

I’m pretty sure my dictir understsnds and listens - it’s just thst sometimes when I’m bad he’ll say just go fir a walk and you’ll be fine. A walk doesn’t hrlp at times.

i kniw the child abuse was traumatic and still haunts me to this day. I hate those guys with so much hate.

Abd as fir my mum - well we both know how she has affected me.

Home life - it’s great older son moved out. We moved cot into the bedroom so they both can sleep in there. Clothes and boxes are still in all rooms but I csnt chsnge thst for now. If huff b puff wants to complain about messy house - well that’s just tough because I can only keep it clean to a certain point.

What you wrote makes perfect sense.

Oh shit I’ve moved the toaster and feel better for moving it. He’s just walked in. Let’s see if he notices it (I bet he does) snd what he says. I’ll let you know.

By the way @CheerBear no probs you joining in. Thankyou for sharing snd giving me some tips.

I better go. Cooking pasta fir dinner.

I wish I could leave home at 7am snd not come home till 6pm eith dinner cooked!!! He’s had a good day.

Chst ti you all later. ❤️❤️❤️

Thankyou my sis @Shaz51 xxxooo

how are you hubby and your mum.

busy weekend here , kind of my sister @BlueBay

yesterday we did a trailer load of rubbish from ours and mum`s place and took it to the dump

then we did food shopping for us and mum , put all the food away and then had sit down and watched a movie

last night mum rang and had to take her to hospital as she had a fall , her leg bandaged and back home again

today been watching tv , and have done a few things during the day including seeing mum

tomorrow I have a endocrinologist appt

mr shaz`z shoulder is still sore , made another doctors appt

will have to take mum for daily dressings at the hospital

i have to have another blood test on wednesday

mr shaz has a MI appt in about 2 weeks time

Omg @Shaz51 you’ve been very busy. Snd your poor mum another fall. Gosh it’s been tough. You have so much on your plate with hubby your mum snd yourself as well.

Thinking of you this week sis xxx

@Owlunar @Former-Member @Shaz51 @CheerBear @Faith-and-Hope @Razzle @Zoe7

Omg I’m nit coping st sll. Just came home from SECASA therapist. I don’t and can’t go through this. I can’t talk about my childhood abuse anymore. It’s too traumatic. The lady was nice but when I left I broke down in the car. I rang my doctor and could barely talk to him. I told him I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to talk about what my brother did to me. I’m over everything snd want to stop everything. Emotional angry and painful.

I need to stop and rest for a few minutes. I need to stop.

I’m seeing the ACT therapist tomorrow in the city. Last session.

❤️❤️❤️ @BlueBay

Sometimes @BlueBay it is more traumatising to go through the past than it is to try to deal with it in the moment. I can completely understand that it is too much for you - that was the same for me. We (GP, pdoc and myself) came to the same conclusion that it was best to try to deal with the emotions around my past rather than continued exposure therapy. Once that decision was made it was actually easier to move on from it. I believe you are in a similar boat to what I was in BB - it is too re-traumatising to go over and over those things in our past that cause us so much pain and being able to learn to deal with it all in a more positive way often means we need to actually leave it where it belongs - in the past. There is no way you can move forward in your life if you are continually being exposed to all that pain - you can't change what has happened but you can learn to be able to deal with those negative emotions in the present. I know DBT is something you have looked into and either cannot access or cannot afford but there are parts of it you could be doing with your psych to help you move through some of these emotions. Maybe talk to your psych about some of the emotional regulation aspects that you could incorporate into your therapy.

I do know that it is exceptionally hard for you to not get completely immersed in your emotions when you are having them but what is happening for you in therapy right now is not working. I believe you are infact going backwards and that this continued exposure is too much for you. Sometimes we need to actually take a step back in order to go forward Hon.

Thankyou @CheerBear @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

I’ve calmed down now.

I know I wasn’t thinking properly earlier. I will tslk this through with my doctor on Thursday. And I might even email my psych.

It is very hard for me emotionally to tslk about my trauma.

my emotions and tears go from a 1 to 10 very quickly and stays high for a while.

If I go back I will let the therapist know.

thsnkyiu all for your support. Xxxx