not feeling good

Thank you so much for sharing that @Former-Member . I did find it helpful, and also cherish the fact that you were prepared to open up and share it with us.

I do like things artistically displayed, and I have strong management systems because I have had a lot to juggle for a very long time, and it makes my life a lot easier to lean on, or into, the systems. While I like colour-matching pegs for the aesthetic of it, I don’t feel driven to it, or by it, and I understand that that is the difference, but I have a great respect for the fact that for others it really isn’t a choice .... it’s fear and anxiety driven and can be very distressing along with calming in the sense that the box has been ticked, even if it needs to be repeatedly ticked or checked, because it is anxiety based.

There is a level of this inherent in our kids - one has a disability that creates very black and white thinking, and when that one is distressed, she clings to OCD patterns. Others of the kids recognise the traits in themselves, or will even say, “my OCD tendencies won’t allow me to do .... xyz ..... with no sense of it being a joke ..... they literally mean it it is too anxiety-provoking to do something, or not do something, a particular way, and we respect each other’s boundaries in this way ..... although the kids do tease me about being so attracted to doing things aesthetically. I can live with that. It’s delivered with love. They tease me about anything they can tease me about, in fact.

It’s my husband whose life is dominated almost entirely by ritual and obsessions and compulsions, and we are so connected to his world that it influences our everyday lives through him. We love him and are working with it as best we can, but none of us are in any doubt that he needs diagnosis, intervention and support, because it’s driving an eating disorder, and that is dangerous for him long-term.

At a less dangerous level, as you have attested to @Former-Member, it becomes about managability and quality of life. My hubby’s issues / challenges won’t evaporate with diagnosis, or even treatment ..... but we need to find a way to live with them.

@BlueBay I hope all of this helps to support what you and your hubby are dealing with too. People are people, first and foremost, and I find that trying to create a win-win situation (instead of a win-lose) can help to calm the differences.

Hi @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

I do understand a bit more. Thsnkyou @Former-Member for sharing your story and experiences.

After reading this I feel I’m a bit obsessive with things too.

I have to have the clothes hung out a certain way. If hubby puts them out it’s not right. I used to get angry st him but now I just fix them myself.

Yes I think hubby is getting worse. When we first got married he used to check the locks on doors several times. Even if I locked the doors he would go snd double check. It used to annoy me so much.

I would love to chat sgsin about this if that’s ok with both of you.

Take care xxxx

When we built a bigger house than we had been living in when we first married, my hubby used deadlocks on internal doors to lock us all into the bedroom part of the house. I found it a bit obsessive, but I also knew he couldn’t sleep at night without doing that, and accepted it as a response to long work hours, and care and concern for our safety. Now I can see it in a different light, as a result of what I have learned in recent years ..... and even then he had to check and re-check them, and became irate if it was t all in order. That part I did talk to him about, telling him that with such a large family and so much going on, things couldn’t and wouldn’t be perfect, so he needed to get a handle on his temper. He was able to concede that he was going a bit overboard, but as he got older and we reached the tipping point that brought about (this form of) eating disorder, he lost that former insight. Again .... in the hindsight from recent years I can see that this is in response to the triggering of a more severe state of anxiety.

@BlueBay @Former-Member ^^^

Sure thing @BlueBay happy to talk further if you want to.

Has your hubby ever spoken of any of this to his GP or sought help or advice from a therapist? I suspect not. It would be helpful to have him assessed by a professional before making any assumptions as to whether he has OCD or not. From all that you have said, he certainly sounds like he does ... but I am clearly not an expert. Thanks @Faith-and-Hope ... it must be very difficult for you indeed with all your brood there. I have read once that OCD can be hereditary, but not sure on that. I guess we can be born with a tendency for anxiety related issues, and if the circumstances or events are right (or wrong) then we are fertile ground for it to develop and thrive.

Sherry

No @Former-Member he’s never been to doctor. He’ll tell me I’m wrong if I mention it. So for now I won’t say anything.

I kniw he’s mum was worse than him. She would check things sll the time.

It’s might chat to my psychologist about it though.

yes thank you @Former-Member for sharing the information

yes @Faith-and-Hope , mr shaz is the same with all locks on the doors and windows

@Former-Member, i am going to reread your message and I was wondering about daily routins as well

hello @BlueBay

Hi @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Razzle @Zoe7 @Owlunar

we just got home from seeing our sons townhouse. We dropped off some stuff fir him. It’s really nice and quite spacey. His mates mum bought all this kitchen stuff fir them.

I feel bad cause I didn’t buy them anything. We just can’t afford anything.

My d has a spare vacuum and clothes rack so he can have that.

We’re going back tomorrow to help clean. My son has to work. His shift is 3-11pm.

Im excited fir him and his mate. We’ve kniw his mate for 20 yrs snd we’re close friends with his family.

Ah changes are starting fir my children.

Now my d and Ayla can move in my sons room.

Next stage of life 😢😊

Really good news @BlueBay

😄🌺

That will give you some of your own space back which will be a good thing @BlueBay