not feeling good

Feeling emotional overwhelmed and teary

That sounds pretty good @BlueBay - it will be much easier all around if one of the boys starts working things out in a new life for himself - it's a good time for that

He will get away from sudden immersion in life with a baby - okay - that's a lesson for him too - and your daughter can have a room to herself with Ayla - and some of her stuff - it will help her with her decision as well

I understand how you are right now - you are really feeling invaded - our home is our safe place - a place where we can kick back and take it easy and be ourselves - and suddenly 4 people turn into 6 with a lot of noise as people want to turn up the volume of there on space to block out other people's - I understand it

I thought about how I would really be unhappy if I had to share my space with someone else - having to get up and go to bed with someone else in mind - hearing someone else's TV or radio - mealtimes - other people's choices - I would be past yelling -

Invaded would be the right word - and as you say - everything so messy you can't clean and you are unable to have things - your routine - the way you want it - and that has to be really hard - I hear you

It's time for you to make plans for your week in hospital because you know you sometimes have to wait for a long time - hard to pay for - I understand - but when it comes to what anyone can or can't afford - for you atm you need the break on your own for a few days and you can't afford not too. It's all part of the plan set up last year and I really think that factoring that in right now will help you get through all the changes

Gradually things will settle down esp with one of your sons moving out - after all - your sons were not prepared for all of this either - and it will be better for your daughter and
Ayla - but you need to have it all in perspective - it is chaotic right now and I understand - I am sure just about everyone here understands - you are not alone

Sending hugs

Dec

And of course - the kids are back in school now and you can have the beach to yourself - that has to be good

Hi @BlueBay having a day on the beach sounded lovely. I understand how busy and intrusive your life feels right now. As much as I love my kids I also feel very on edge when they come home and stay for a few days. They are always our babies, we’ll always be there for them, I always thought it would be easier as they got older, doesn’t always seem that way.

I hope you are able to find some quiet time and space soon, it sounds like you really need it ❤️❤️

Hi @Razzle

I have been reading off-line for a while and I notice that you have been having a rough time too - and I am sorry about that

And also - you have a large clot in your leg - a DVT - and this could take a long time to clear it up - this must be devastating for you - and so totally unexpected

And things are not good at home either - and your husband is less than supportive

Thinking of you Raz

Dec

Thanks @Owlunar The last few weeks haven’t been great. I’ve had a memory or dream/flash back that has been quite confronting. The DVT was unexpected, it seems this broken ankle recovery is going to drag out much longer than I thought it would.

Things have been ok at home for the last few weeks, as nice as it is, I can’t help think that the rug will be pulled

out from under me and things will go back to how they were. We have a few stressful situations coming up that will test us.

It’s one foot in front of the other for now

I don’t feel worthy

always feeling insecure stupid snd zero confidence

never know what to say to others on here

I always seem to be on my own post all the time because I don’t know how to “talk” to others.

I’m a failure and hopeless

Hi @Razzle @Owlunar

full house means crap everywhere snd yeah it’s invading my space ;what little space I had) pls don’t get me wrong I love my daughter so much snd even more for little Ayla.

@Razzle @Owlunar

@outlander @Zoe7 @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope

You know I’ve been feeling hopeless lately. Even on here. I don’t go on many posts to reply. I feel very insecure in what I should say to others fearing I’ll ssy something stupid. My vocabulary with words is nit very good compared to others on here. I always feel very sub-standard as I csnt even communicate properly. Always staying on my own post - guess it’s where I feel ok about writing stuff.

Ni one on here has said anything or made me feel like this. It’s just me.

Im getting sick of taking meds doing therspy especially these new psychologists.

Msybe a week awsy in hospital would be good. So many of my friends have got their lives in order; their kids have moved out snd it’s just two of them. Their houses stsy clean. they have amazing holidays and me - well I can’t even afford a break

@BlueBay Everyone's contribution on here is valuable Hon - you don't need to worry about what you write if you write from the heart - which you do. You do support others and that support is always appreciated BB We all have our own unique ways of writing and no one is more or less than another - so write as you do because that is enough - you are enough

Your life is so chaotic at the moment BB and it is so very natural that you are mourning your own space - it is not something that is going to change quickly though so you need to work on finding ways to deal with it. It may not be that you can find that alone time in your house but you can find some of that time for example before and after work. Maybe leave a little earlier and go for a walk on the beach or try that after work. It is not the same as having time at home on your own but it is a little time just for you. Hopefully your son will move out with his mate and that will free up a little room in your house. Whilst him leaving will be sad it will also give you a little more space so it could be a good solution. We know that right now your D and Ayla need you and that in itself is stressful - but you are there for them and that shows what a wonderful mother (and nonna) you are.

@BlueBay I can “talk” better in written communication far better than in person. I get tongue tied, fall over my words - I forget what I’m going to say half way through my conversation - I’m a terrible communicator. You would only have to see how many times I hit the back space key to see how bad I really am. I have plenty of time to read over and change what I write when I think I sound stupid - believe me, in real life I do sound stupid, my brain just can’t keep up with my mouth.

If it’s safer to “talk” on your own thread, so be it. I love our chats, I’m happy to speak to you here if that’s where you are most comfortable.

I don’t doubt for a minute that you love your kids, that definitely comes through

on your posts. I get what it’s like to feel invaded, not on the same scope as you of course, but having your normal routine uprooted does leave you feeling on edge. I had a little chuckle when you mentioned you have friends that don’t have kids at home and have clean houses - I can NEVER keep this place clean 😆😆

I really hope things start to settle for you soon and you can get your space back ❤️❤️