Hi @BlueBay
I know you say you are planning to run away or whatever you need to do but you don't do it - and I understand that although I admit the first time you said that - nearly three years ago now - I thought something terrible would happen but now I understand that it's your "run-to" place in your mind and you will stick by your family regardless of how you are feeling
btw - it must nearly be time for your break in hospital - I recall that you get four breaks a year and that is better - you can plan for that and get away from the stresses in your life in an orderly and planned manner - it's not ideal but it's sensible and you can plan for that.
About your daughter - you can't and won't tell her what to do but you can reflect back to her - her ex wants her back because he doesn't want to pay for Ayla - not a good reason - he needs to find a better reason than that and D is confused - of course - and scared too - but if she knows you will stand by her regardless of her choices then that is the most wonderful gift you can give her - I really believe that
Now when it comes to your mother - you are already showing all of us that you are the better mother - all those hugs you want from your mother you get for yourself by being there and hugging your daughter and her daughter - and when you mother wants to speak to you - and tends to cancel her appointments - you are in the perfect place to say something like
"Not now Mother - I need to support D and I don't need to make and appointment for that - if you want to say something to me then say it and get it over with - I don't have time to play games about whatever you want to talk about"
And you take back the power - your mother isn't really user-friendly anyway - and I know this is really tough for you - I understand - but your priorities are your family - your choices - and it's not easy for you - I understand this
In the beginning and until really recently I didn't understand what the forum being for peer-support really meant and I do now - it means we sort out our own lives and experiences here on the boards and we share our opinions and support each other in the decisions all of us must make through life - we are here for each other in ways I never thought about.
I think I finally get it - we learned to be strong for ourselves - not for the other people in our lives - we put ourselves first and as we do that we learn who we really are and what our individuality means - we stay - not for the other people but for ourselves and in that we can do for the other people - we can find that because when we care for ourselves we can really bring more to the table
Which is something I am still working out how to write about - I will get there though.
I really care - I really do
Dec
We hold each other up and how we can grow
