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not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 9:06 pm AEDT

not feeling good

At the moment i am not feeling good. i feel like my body is in 'run away mode'. i feel my body is running on a high, my head is so mixed up. i have to go to bed and try to sleep, but don't know if i can.

my hormones are everywhere at the moment; my mood is sky high negative. i can't deal with this anymre. all of a sudden i am not feeling good. i think it is anxiety.

i don't know why i feel like this; i just want to cry but can't becsue everyone is home. i am going to bed. i don't know what is going on. actually maybe it is anxiety because i felt like passing out today.

I went to my GP to have my mirena IUD taken out as I had had enough. But he couldn't find the string, so he sent me for a ultrasound. Had that and the guy said i had two fibroids and a cyst on my ovary. but he couldn't find the string either, so had to have an xray to find the metal piece. they didn't tell me anything. but while waiting i was so anxious i almost passed out.

so now i have to wait for tomorrow when my GP will call me at work and let me know what will happen now. hopefully he can take the mirena out. i don't know.

my body is reacting to my anxiety - i feel so shaky, i need to stop. no point telling anyone at home becasue (a) they won't believe me and (b) they prob wouldn't care.

sorry, i had to tell someone. i feel so alone 😞

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In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 Jan 2019, 4:14 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Depression takes over your whole life thoughts and behaviour. And if you mix BPD and PTSD well your stuffed.

Im so angry atm I could punch a wall or better still self harm.

It’s just not good at the moment.

Great way to start the year - not 😢

@Former-Member I know you’re trying to help me. How do you get through your dark angry deep depression days.

Its nit nit easy to snap out of it or forget the previous years or even don’t dwell on the past. How do yiu move forward.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember07 Jan 2019, 4:30 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay,

Sorry to hear that you're really struggling at the moment, it sounds like things are feeling really intense and distressing at the moment. I'm a bit concerned about you from what you mentioned about not knowing if you can keep going and also feeling like you want to self-harm. For support to keep safe or some counselling support I would really encourage you to call one of the helplines below:

Lifeline 13 11 14

Suicide Callback Service 1300 659 467

I hope you give them a call for some extra support, and take care of yourself while things are tough,

Tortoiseshell

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember07 Jan 2019, 6:20 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

@BlueBay I have read your post and I wanted you to know that I am not ignoring you. But I am really busy at the moment. Once dinner is over I will try to get back to you with a better response than this. Meanwhile I note that @Former-Member has responded, and I'm thankful for that. Please do not hesitate to call on those help line options if you feel too overwhelmed.

Talk soon ........ must run.

Sherry xx

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember07 Jan 2019, 10:41 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Dear @BlueBay
Sorry it took a while to get back to you. I was out in the late afternoon, not getting home until around 6pm. Hubby has been really unwell most of the day. Made something light and nutritious for dinner and then he decided he didnt want to eat anything. Half way through the night he was feeling better and insisted he felt like some dessert. So it was the double chocolate brownie I made yesterday. Cant eat a nice home made quiche and salad, but can eat dessert? Grrr ... Oh well, at least he ate something I guess.

Gosh Blue, I dont know how to go about answering your question about how to move forward. You graciously say that I'm currently struggling more than you right now. I do not have to contend with all the additional hardships of BPD that you have to. Yes I understand the difficulties of PTSD, but I dont know enough about BPD to know exactly what you go through there. But I do know its far from easy. But none of us are here to make comparisons. We are here to seek and provide support and understanding to others doing it tough.

Yes BlueBay I am trying to help you, but I dont know if I am, or how best to do so. I would love to be able to help, I really would. Yes I understand those dark and angry depressive days ... I get them too. But I dont know myself yet how to move forward. If or when I do, you will be the first I tell about it. We can learn together.

I hope you're okay, or at the very least, better than you were earlier. I really hope you are able to refrain from any self harm. But ... if you're unable to do so ... please take care, keep yourself safe, and phone 000 if you do more damage than you intend. Self harm is only a very temporary release of inner pain. It is not a solution.

I hope what I'm saying is not hurtful to you, and I hope what I'm saying is coming across the way I intend. I care about you BlueBay and I want to offer support. But I am just a little unsure of myself when it comes to BPD. I cannot prevent you doing self harm, but at least I can encourage you to do so in as safe a manner as possible.

I'm very tired ... I am now off to bed. I hope you get some sleep and things look a little rosier tomorrow.

Try to keep the anger at bay, as difficult as that is. Lots of deep breaths, and think of tranquil places.

Sherry 💤💕

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor08 Jan 2019, 8:22 am AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Hi @Former-Member

I’m off to work right now. I’ll reply tonight when I get home.

I really appreciate your support. Chst later. ❤️

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember08 Jan 2019, 8:57 am AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Thanks for your message @BlueBay. I was worried I may have said the wrong thing.

I really hope your day at work provides a much needed distraction from your other troubles today. Yes, happy to chat any time.

Sherry

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor08 Jan 2019, 4:26 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Hi @Former-Member

I would never be angry with you ❤️

I’m ok tiday mentally but physically I’ve got back and stomach pains. Laying on couch to try to ease it.

Its hard to evolving to people that don’t have BPD what it’s like. But it was once explained that when I get emotional angry or whatever emotions the intensity of this emotion is sky high. And then it takes a lot longer for the intensity to drop back. Fir a person who doesn’t have BPD and they had these emotions their intensity comes back down pretty quick.

Hope that makes sense??

i find that when I’m really emotional angry or whatever I want to “run away” self harm or die - to get rid of the psin because I don’t or can’t deal with it. So I guess I’m blocking it away. And maybe doing this is nit good because sooner or later I’ll explode snd end up in hospital.

How is your day going?

Strange that hubby couldn’t eat your beautiful dinner but then ate the dessert. At least he ate something I suppose.

Take care Sherry 💕💕

In response to: Re: not feeling good

OwlunarSenior Contributor09 Jan 2019, 1:48 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

hi bluebay my computer gave up a couple of days ago so I am using using the thethe internet access through my tv and it'is difficult but Iread what you wrote and whalt

ppehappened to you you was a terrible crrimwe and justce has not been served its not your fault at all Dec

In response to: Re: not feeling good

OwlunarSenior Contributor09 Jan 2019, 2:04 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

sorry that's such a bad post - I hope it' makes sence - you are the victim here Dec

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor09 Jan 2019, 4:17 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

thanks @Owlunar for your reply. I can't press the support button, nothing happens @Former-Member

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