not feeling good

You have an illness - a disorder @BlueBay - you were discriminated against when they cut your hours and no one else's - I remember - this happened to you just after you have been in hospital

And now you are out of admin and tidying the shelves - that is not your fault - none of it is

After my son died - and my marriage broke down - things turned sour and my depression was so bad I had to go onto sickness benefits and then the DSP - it wasn't my fault - things just became too much for me

And when I worked I worked because I wanted to work - not because other people wanted me to - that is so depressing

To me it seems that you are doing this to please other people - your husband, your doctor, your psyche - you keep telling them how you feel - how does it feel to go to work just to distract yourself?

I would find that distressing and depressing and yes - for years I had bad depression - I know what it's like

But this is just me thinking - I think it's important for you to make up your own mind about these things - I know you find it hard to make decisions

And my daughter is having her operation this afternoon - I guess I will hear something when she gets out of recovery - I keep checking my phone in case there was a text and I didn't hear it but no news yet

Dec

Thsnkyou @Owlunar

I really would love to travel and so does hubby. I find work just ok. It’s nit the greatest job. Snd you know my wages has been the same for the last 5 years. $20 per hour. It’s crap.

I’m tired of working, tired of therapy, tired of dealing with my stuff. It really gets me down. Yeah making decisions is really difficult for me.

You know I was crying this morning thinking right I want to walk dsily by the beach. But there is something holding me back because I just can’t go. I don’t know what it is. And then I get sngry with myself for not going.

It’s getting very warm outside. And tomorrow is hotter.

This mirning my daughter and I took Ayla to the beach. Omg she loved it. She played with the sand feeling different textures and splashing her feet in the water. I know she will love summer and the many days we spend st the beach.

@Shaz51@Owlunar@Razzle@Zoe7

Gosh it frustrates me. Another job I saw but I’m not experienced in thst field. It would have been perfect but no.

Im sngry it frustrates me. There isn’t much around. Snd who would employ me anyway.

Im just really down tonight.

Keep looking @BlueBay I know it feels really hard and disappointing when you can't find anything else but new things are coming up all the time. I am still looking for something else myself but I need to get through these next couple of weeks first.

Hi @Zoe7 & @Owlunar

@BlueBay, I’ve been thinking of you these last few days. I’ve been keeping a pretty low profile lately. The plaster has come off but I’m now in a fibre glass cast - it’s really starting to get me down. I’m not allowed to get it wet and I’m not allowed to weight bare for another 3-4 weeks. Everything just takes so much longer now, and I’ve been having a bit of pain since the new cast went on, I’m really over it and I’ve still got the rest of this year like it, it doesn’t come off until 1st Jan - so depressing. This heat doesn’t help things either, I feel like my foot is wrapped in its own little heater. I love the heat, but I’m not loving this.

I am wondering if you lost your health care card just through expiry? It sounds like you don’t work enough hours, and your partner doesn’t work ? I don’t really know your story well, but I’m pretty sure you should qualify. If I were you I’d be applying for it again if you haven’t already.

Im glad you had a nice day at the beach with your family. It’s going to be hot here tomorrow, another Fire Ban so harvest will be put on hold, not that I can get outside to do anything anyway. I hope you can enjoy a lot more days playing with your granddaughter at the beach, the forecast seems to suggest that is on the cards ❤️❤️

good night @BlueBay, @Razzle , sending you hugs and hope you sleep well tonight xxx

Goodnight @Shaz51, sweet dreams ❤️❤️

Hi @Razzle

It must be frustrating having the cast on eith this heat. I feel for you.

My health care card expired after a year and I had to apply for another one. When it didn’t come after a month I went down to centrelink to be told I won’t be getting one. And that I shouldn’t have got one last year - it was an error in their part.

Apparently our joint income is just over the threshold. When u heard that I broke down and left. I got in the car and was sobbing thinking it all the bills now we have to pry with no concession. I was w mess. I rang my doctor and he couldn’t understand what I was saying because I was sobbing. He said things will get better but I wasn’t listening to thst. He was worried that I was going to do something to myself snd urged me to contact the CAT team. I did call them and they eventually calmed me down and suggested I make an appt with a financial counsellor. To which I did but now because of no HCC I don’t qualify.

I don’t want to go to work today. I want to stay home snd hibernate.

Its hit hit out there already 30 and windy.

I hope you can cope. I know it must be depressing but you’ll get there.

Senfing you some hugs. ❤️❤️

Hi @BlueBay

It seems to me that people are not listening to you but I am and I have to say this - about people not listening to you

You keep getting referred along - someone tells you to ring the CAT team - I ring Life Line myself and think they are great but they usually ask me that question which I hate - am I thinking about suicide - which I never am - but you are telling people you are and this really concerns me

I know you have trouble - that you find it really difficult to make decisions - so what do you do when people keep telling you the same things - that it will get better when you feel as if the debts are rising and you get over-whelmed and you don't want to go to work - that you need distractions

Oooh - I would not like that myself - I have been overwhelmed in my earlier life - I know - I was burning out

Only you know how incredibly stressed you are now - how desperate you are now - and in the time I have been a contributer her I have discovered this is a peer-support service and I am your peer - not because of how I am today - it's my past story that qualifies me.

Gee - the last few days I have felt really drained and cried often and couldn't get my brain working properly but I wasn't depressed so I was okay - I remember though when I couldn't manage at all - when I dropped my load and went to hospital - I had a psychiatrist that would put me in for a few days and I would go home when I was ready - which was a few days - and I would get back to what I was doing - working and studying and running my home

So - thinking back - I was very lucky with that psychiatrist - he listened to me and I had a plan -

So what can I suggest? - As hard as it is for you to make decisions this is what you really need to do - make decisions to fill your needs

It's a place of disadvantage when you are earning just over the limit when it comes to Centrelink - and a lot of people do -

I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you what I think and what I see and understand - you are fighting an uphill battle

I can ask what is so hard about making decisions - I can tell you about my first decision - it worked for me - when I was five years old - and sometimes decisions don't work out - or people try and block decisions - you should have heard my family when I decided to fly interstate and back in the one day for my cousin's funeral - and I yelled at them - "I am an adult and I can make my own decisions"

It felt really good and I went

Seeing as I am saying all of this - it is hard to stand up to other people but practise makes perfect - well - it gets easier - and things do improve.

But not right now - uh uh - you are overloaded and I can ask you if you feel as if people are listening and if I am

Thinking of you a lot BlueBay - I have been for years

Dec

Hi @Razzle

I can well imagine you are over having that fibreglass cast heating up your foot in the weather - this has to be an exercise in trying to keep your cool when a shower is not going to help much if you can manage it - I really feel for you battling with all of this

And the cost too - that seems unreasonable to me - if the paramedics thought it necessary to give you a green stick and a shot then you had enough pain - and btw - having had both I know a sprain hurts way more than a fracture so I don't get it how they treated you - they had to get a doctor in - of course - I have found in the ED they have doctors

I'm getting het up - sorry - I feel you have been - aw - enough said

I fractured a bone in my foot when I was a teenager - it didn't hurt much and only went to the doctor because it happened at work it - didn't need a cast but was strapped up with tape for weeks and I nearly went demented with the itching - which I think you had with the plaster cast - I had a knitting needle that I even took to work with me to scratch under the tape -

And sprains - wow - they hurt a lot more - I had to stay in hospital for a week because I live on my own and at the time on the first floor in a block of flats

It's really tough Raz - I have strong opinions as you can tell

And you have this for the rest of the year - so sorry about that - the whole deal

Thinking of you

Dec