not feeling good

Hi @Owlunar

Thanks for your reply. Yesterday was another day of tears, low mood.

But I did go for a group walk to the creek. It was such a nice morning, I was glad I went. When we came back we all had a ciffee in the cafe.

Griup therspy next I did go. Then I saw my psych who got me upset. He isn’t changing my meds. He said because of my BPD it has taken over my life. I’m so absorbed in the past sbd am stuck to find a way out to live my life. He said I do function I have a house a husband children and a grand daughter. He said I can hold down a job. I tried to explain to him how it’s very difficult for me to make decisions because all my life my mum took control of my decision making. I told him when I get so emotional I feel like I get so caught up in it like a whirlpool and then it’s duffivult to even think of a coping skill.

I left the room and broke down in my room. All thoughts - hopeless, will never get better, real strong anger and hate towards my brother fir what he did to me. My mum fir not caring. So many emotions.

A nurse cane in and we spoke fir a while.

The afternoon I went to the courtyard to just sit on my own and enjoy the fresh air dnd sun. Hubby called in on his way home from work. Had a coffee together.

Night again was more tears sbd flashbacks. Exhaustion ended up falling asleep.

Had a really good night sleep.

I’m off to the city this morning st a melb hospital to have an assessment done by a psych. Apparently I’ll be there for two hours!!! Bit anxious, hubby is taken me in.

so im hoping tiday is better. I know I have a long way still to go. It’s my thinking behaviour and thought process that meds wirk on. And other things like confidence, emotions and learn coping skills and to use them.

@Owlunar I hope you are well. Sorry I haven’t been reading any posts.

Wishing you a nice day ❤️❤️

❤️ @BlueBay .....

Hi @BlueBay

You do have a lot to think about - and pretty much what I have been saying about how you are caught up in your past - and that's not a pleasant place to be at all

It's really good you are in hospital right now - I have been thinking that you have needed this for a long time and of course you feel terrible if you were in a general hospital for some kind of illness you would feel terrible too and Mental Illness is just as valid - just as much of a real reason for being in hospital where you can be cared for and your treatment can take place -

It's just a different sort of illness

I need to think about your controlling mother - my mother was full of irrational fears and kept this tight control over all of us until we married and we were not prepared for life in the real world. I made a dramatic decision about studying accountancy and I don't remember anything being said but this did prepare me for life

It's hard work making decisions and one reason young people should be allowed to make mistakes - life just isn't easy and the time to learn decisions is when we are young and have our parents' support

Don't worry about reading other posts - just rest when you need to, cry when you need to and join in when you can. You have lost a lot of time caught up with your anger of what happened in the past and this is irreversible and all you can do is to move forward.

That's the only way to get better - tough yards - I know

Another day - make the most of the time you have now and I am reminded of what someone said to me in a psyche hospital a long time ago - she said - "We get here feeling really bad and work on it and when we start to enjoy yourself they send us home" - and I think that's right -

You are in my thoughts - now its just time to think about your future - you do have one

Sending hugs

Dec

Morning @Owlunar@Faith-and-Hope@Shaz51@Zoe7@Razzle

had a terrible night waking up every two hours. Then wide awake st 4am so started to read. Up st 8 for breakfast. No sleeping in here!!

im in my room waiting to see my psych. Also having a cortisone injection to relieve bursitis. I think this will hurt.

So tured. Nit sure I can stsy awake for afternoon session.

Hope you are all doing ok. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

thinking of you lots sister @BlueBay

Thinking of you often @BlueBay. ❤️❤️

Hope your injection went okay @BlueBay and you got some more sleep. Thinking of you Hon

@Zoe7@Razzle@Shaz51@Owlunar@Faith-and-Hope

Injection went ok. Hurt a bit. My D and Ayla before lunch and I was allowed to have lunch eith her in cafe. Ayla was so cute eating her cheese toast. Such a good girl. I would so love to share a photo of her but I know I can’t.

Slept a little in afternoon. We did a mindfulness breathing exercise with eyes closed and I was so relaxed I started to snore!!! 😂

hopefully tonight I can sleep. I get so emotional and angry and frustrated not being able to hsvr a good night sleep.

Sleep well my friends. Xxxxxx

Lovely to have your D and Ayla for a visit. I hope you can sleep tonight @BlueBay.

@Zoe7@Razzle@Shaz51@Owlunar@Faith-and-Hope

Yay I had a really good night sleep!! First time fir a while. Can’t believe how refreshed I feel.

Groups on today, nit sure what.

I’m going to go to courtyard fir some fresh air dnd sun. Always feel go outside.

Hopefully seeing my psych today. He was going to talk about discharge. He didn’t change any meds. It was more fir a break.

I was thinking this morning that this admission is very different to last admissions. I have tended to stay in my room and wanted to be on my own. Don’t want to talk to others as they tell you about their whole life story. I say hi to a few but really this time I feel is about me and my mental health.

I’m glad I did come in even if it’s a short stay. My psych told me ages ago that with BPD patients he doesn’t like me to stay fir weeks because I’ll become too dependent on staff. So he suggests 3-4 admissions a year but short ones. I think it makes sense.

But of course if I in a real bad way he would keep me in longer

time to get up hsve a shower and wash my clothes. Then start the day.

Hope you all have a nice day 😊❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😊

ps. Hubby sorted out credit card. We upped our loan a little and now card is fully paid off. Nice feeling. Card has a very little limit. But no more increasing.