not feeling good

I had EMDR quite a few years ago @utopia in relation to my abuse. It worked well fir a while but then it came bsvk.

Do you know what annoys me - I went to my doctor on Monday, had a psychology session today snd hubby hasn’t bothered to ask me about the appts.

It makes me feel so invalidated. I’m angry @Zoe7@Owlunar@Faith-and-Hope

so I haven’t told him anything either. Sm I being unreasonable?

hugs my sister @BlueBay

I don't wait for my son to ask me how my appointments went or how my day was @BlueBay. I just tell him. Most of the time, he hasn't remembered I had an appointment .

Hi @utopia, saved this gif pic for you today 😊

The thing is @utopia thst he knew I had the appts because I told him. He saw me leave. He’s home this week with me. He saw me come home sgsin snd didnt say a word. It just would have been nice and caring if he had asked.

But maybe I sm wrong.

Hi @Former-Member@utopia@Shaz51@Zoe7@Owlunar@Faith-and-Hope

Had a crap night. Sobbing snd shaking. Everything seemed out of control. I wanted to chat to someone but I ended up somehow falling asleep. I still feel very sensitive snd could cry at the drop of a hat.

Today is sunny but cold morning. I’m hoping if the weather stays sunny I’ll go fir a walk. J really need to get all my snger frustration dnd all my emotions out the way. I need to release because right now I feel like driving the car far far away and never coming back.

I’m tired. My body is tired.

things are just getting worse. got a phone call before from the gas and electricity company saying we are overdue in our bills by over $1,000. this has been for a few months. apparently the relief grant scheme form that i filled out was never received and therefore cancelled. but i never received any notificstion that it was never received. not even a phone call.

i was blown away and starting to panic because we don't have the money to pay these bills.

i told the lady that we can't afford it as my income has dropped and can only pay a little bit each fortnight. she said she will send out the form again to be filled out and to post back asap. she also will put a hold on the accounts so we don't get a letter from a debt collector.

i am panicking, anxious and worried. stressed that we can't pay it and don't know how this will work out. if the relief grant doesn't go through we will have to pay it.

i told hubby and he is getting angry with me saying oh why didn't we get notified. i told him i don't know why. i felt like saying well nesxt time you talk to them, but they ring me becuse they have my phoine number.

after yesterday's session i feel so drained, and emotionally not coping. i am crying for no reason and feel like running away again. i know i say this a lot but this is how i feel right now. i am home alone at the moment, hubby went out to the shops and all i can think of self harming or taking something.

i really dont know what to do anymore. it seems and feels that my life will never get any better. with long term therapy i don't know if i can handle this anymore.

@Former-Member@Shaz51@Zoe7@Owlunar@Faith-and-Hope@utopia

Hi there @BlueBay - sounds like a lot of your coping skills are all used up elsewhere at the moment and the impact of the news about the bills has been huge.

We're here for you and listening - I also wanted to reassure you that it sounds like you have done all you can now to get the ball rolling again to get the bills sorted. So I was wondering if some temporary distraction from dark thoughts could give you a bit of respite a the moment? Maybe take a break from this thread - do you feel up for having a browse around the social spaces in forum, and posting there instead? Other things we;ve talked about in the past is focusing on providing support to others, which you do so wonderfully, and definitely get those feel- good emotions pumping!

Thanks @s-jay for listening I think fir now I’ll stsy awsy for a little bit. I just need to let my emotions calm down. And think about not self harming.

hugs and hugs @BlueBay

here for you my sister xoxo