not feeling good

This might sound like a stupid question @BlueBay, but can you express the guts of it for me so I have an idea of where you're at? x

@Hope4me do you mean my story.

I’m 53 and 8 yrs ago I remembered I was sexually abused as a child by 3 different guys. Neighbour uncle and brother. All different times.

It ruined my life. Depression anxiety BPD and complex ptsd. My mother is a controlling domineering person. When i told her about my abuse and depression she totally rejected me. Abandoned me fir 4 yrs my parents didn’t talk to me. They don’t know about my brother only the other two.

Ive been hospitalised many times over the 8 yrs. this all has affected my intimacy with my hubby.

I’m now talking to my parents but keeping a distance

8yrs if therspy tslking about my abuse my brother and my mother is all too much.

I'm sorry I took so long to respond @BlueBay as I was posting on another thread.

You've summarised your story really well. Thankyou for that, it must've been difficult.

Complex ptsd is an isidious disorder on its own let alone coping with other disorders as well. You poor woman...

I was diagnosed with cptsd 4 years ago after a breakdown from workplace bullying. It triggered a childhood of abuse including sexual by my dad and emotional, mental and physically violent outbursts by my mum.

There's been other trauma's, but childhood's harder to deal with. So I do understand. What seems to be getting at you today? Is it the 'invisible' pain, thoughts or something in the now?

Hope x

No way does this cr@p make you a bad person. No way!

Trust me when i say you don't need that type of added pressure. I used to buy into that cr@p all the time. Most my life actually. TRY not to beat yourself up for beating yourself up if that makes sense, and if you can't stop it right now. That's ok too.

We all going through this in some shape or another.

Our symptoms might present in a lot of different ways, but I believe the core of our suffering is often very similar from one to another. Not in all cases of course. But what do I know. I'm no expert, just my opinion.

That scattered feeling. Not being able to grasp onto anything, like it's all too much. I get that. Alot. More so lately so i know exactly what you're talking about and sometimes knowing (hearing) it from others in a place like this can help. Even if only a little.

When you're at rock bottom, even a little bit can really help.

As for the 'think positive, be positive attitude'. That BS does not work on folk like us, or at least in times like these so you can safely remove the pressure of expecting that carry on to help in your situation.

For now, just breathe.

Are you getting help from anyone/anywhere?

@Hope4me

for me today it's the thoughts of not getting better, the thought of me at my age and not enjoying whatever time i have left. i get scared because 'time is running out'.

and that is super scary. and all the time i have lost, my childhood, the past 8 yrs have been hell.

a lot of the times i wish i never remembered my abuse, but i guess it came out for a reason. that reason i am yet to work out.

i get angry with the abusers, really angry. and then i get angry with myself to the point of self destruction eg. self harm or self sabotage with no taking my meds.

and also the spiralling down when i am in an 'emotional state' where i find it very very difficult to find a positive way out

@BlueBay

What I've learned, is that when we feel safe and confident enough, stuff surfaces to give our pain and who we were 'back then', a voice; a very important voice.

Recovery's a long process unfortunately, but when the penny drops, it can be life changing. One step at a time, one moment of peace at a time.It's not going to be forever BlueBay.

What I hear in your voice today, is self blame and deserved self punishment. NOTHING is your fault!!! If you had a young person who said these things to you, what would you say to them? You wouldn't say it was ok to S/H or berate themselves. What would you say?

x

Unfortunately I have to take off now @BlueBay. I hope things settle a bit for you. Just remember, that fear is understandable considering it's so new. Try to be kind and gentle with youself...please. You (and your inner child) deserve so much kindness and patience.

This too shall pass...

x

It is great to see @Hope4me has been here for you @BlueBay. Sometimes it does help to 'talk' and you have done that a little today. When is your next appointment with your psych?

Hi @GoatV2-0 Hope your day is treating you kindly.